Almost Worth Doing

My front door makes a maddening squeaky-creaky noise when opened. I could solve that problem by putting a bit of WD-40 on the hinge. Every day, for three years, I have considered doing just that. But every day, for three years, something else seemed more important at that moment.

My life is peppered with these little tasks that are just below the threshold of being worth doing. And that threshold is a moving target, depending on how busy I am. At one point in my life, I had a full-time job at the phone company, a full-time job doing Dilbert, and I was writing a book. I think I went four years without getting my car washed. Toward the end, it looked like a divot with an eating disorder. I sold it to a guy who only wanted it for the gravel.

I was reminded of this when I read the story of the dentist who is accused of fondling the breasts of 27 female patients. One woman alleges she was molested six times in two years. Six times?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21325760/wid/11915773?GT1=10514

I figure the woman who got fondled six times must have had a busy schedule. I wonder about her thought process while driving to her dental appointment after the first three or four consecutive fondlings:

“I don’t like it when he plays the melon farmer game, but I’m too busy to shop for a new dentist either. Maybe he’ll get tired of doing it.”

As a workaholic myself, I realize it’s sometimes difficult to know when to throttle back. For example, I’m not comfortable that the guy who strings my tennis racket needs to know if I dress left or right, but I assume he has his reasons. I figure he’ll remember on his own someday and not need to check.

And I don’t know why my optometrist needs to cup my testicles and ask me to jog in place while I’m reading the eye chart, but it probably has something to do with checking for astigmatism. I don’t have time to be asking a bunch of questions every two years.

And I don’t know why the cable TV guy needs to give me a colonoscopy every time he does his weekly signal strength inspection. I always intend to ask him, but by the time the sedative wears off, he’s already gone. I plan to Google it, possibly after I get that stupid door oiled.

Comments

[Lee]

Massage can indeed be part of the solution to TMJ for many people, but not specifically chest massage. For most people, TMJ comes from nighttime clenching and/or grinding of teeth which has become a habit. Habits are neurological feedback systems which keep themselves in place. The body can be and often is part of the feedback loop. If you saw the movie "What the Bleep do We Know", one of the scientists interviewed was Candice Pert, who discovered how the cells throughout our body become part of our emotion memory and recall, by developing receptors to emotion-specific neuro-peptides that the hypothalamus produces.

The state of the body alters the nerve impulse patterns that the body is sending to the brain. That alters the matrix of the brain's response to *everything* (including whether it feels "good" to start to clench your teeth in your sleep.

So the habit of tooth grinding can be altered by interrupting "status quo" neurological patterns any number of ways, including biofeedback (see http://HolisticTechLLC.com), changing the kind of pillow you sleep on, getting a massage regularly, taking a drug that alters brain chemistry, wearing a mouth guard in your mouth, etc.

For one person one of these treatments may lessen the habit and another may worsen it. For another person the opposite may be true. It depends on the neuron firing patterns in your particular brain at a given time in your life.

All that aside, unless a dentist is also a trained and licensed massage therapist, massage is outside a dentist's area of training and expertise.

[dentist]

Very funny post. You made may day. One question: why don't you ask what you want to know and get rid of all the question marks and the discomfort and annoyance that come along with them?

[Don M.]

Contest submission:

Thanks, Scott!! Much better than porn...for the first hour.

[Simon]

My dentist is female and is (cough-cough) generously proportioned. When she leans over - the side of my head becomes cushioned on her breasts. Do you think I should sue her? Or might she just start charging me extra?

Simon

[Paul Denton]

You know,This is what the prosecutor might ask the the dentist:

Prosecutor: Did you fondle the patients?
Dentist: No,I was giving them a massage.
Prosecutor: Did you enjoy it?
Dentist: Well,I have 7 children,and I was so tired that I was on autopilot.
Prosecutor: Did your patients enjoy it?
Dentist: They must have,or else why would they be coming back?
Prosecutor: Was it hard getting through the turtleneck top?
Dentist: It was harder than pulling teeth.

Now I don't know what the turtleneck top woman was thinking,but it might have been something like this:
" Well, Maybe he'll get tired of it and start doing some real dentistry,but since i'm getting free massages,I don't mind."

And by the way, India is not hosting the world toilet conference!!!!!

[Conor]

From a comment further down: "Spilled my wine, spat out my cheese, choked violently purple. Funniest blog post all week."

Grokking the demographics of the readership of this blog is reason enough to come here. Goddamn. I love it!

[Keely]

I was the same way until I discovered that if I say I will "fix something" and then spray some WD-40 on it I am instantly seen as "handy" and "helping around the house".

I live with 3 other women my age and I constantly astound them with my vast knowledge on how to fix things. While these tasks used to go for years without me fixing them I have discovered that they have a different sort of value.

Them: “Keely could you take out the garbage?”
Me: “I already fixed the door today; someone else needs to pitch in”

I challenge everyone to give this a try; it works every time as long as they never discover what your handyman secret is.

Keely

Keely

[Jason Allen]

A local now former chiropractor went on trial for the second time about six months ago for allegedly fondling his female patients. (The prosecutor retried using new "victims" to avoid that whole double jeopardy inconvenience.) The reporter who covered the trials for the local paper wrote articles many considered biased. She went so far as to point out that the not guilty verdicts of both his trials didn't mean he wasn't actually guilty. More than a few residents referred to the prosecution and reporting as "God awful." A couple of my female coworkers were his patients and insist they were never fondled.

My point is that being accused and a reporter taking an interest doesn't mean it actually happened. A prosecutor can find "victims" if (s)he's determined enough and a reporter can make a story stick if (s)he really wants to make a name for himself. I'd rather hear the facts and circumstances of the case before passing judgment.

[barfo rama]

Wait long enough and it winds up on the cover of National Geographic: http://www.hvwc.org/html/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=143&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0

[Madmarleyboro29]

What is the lesson we're supposed to come away with?

*Why Oil a Squeaky Hinge, when we could Massage a Boob?

*The Hinges on the Door of Opportunity, have got nothing, on the Knockers already on the Door.

*Dentists secretly wish they had studied a different field of medicine

*If you wear slippers to the tennis court, there's no point in correcting the tension of the racket strings.

*Optometrists probably check your ball size, to determine if it's really true, that blindness is caused by them being empty all of the time. If the balls are used a lot.....it's obvious the little head was stealing the sight, from the other head.

* To the cable guy. Now I always thought, once they installed the wiring, that it was done & finished. Hmm, the strange things people allow for free HBO.

Did that help any?

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Spilled my wine, spat out my cheese, choked violently purple.
Funniest blog post all week.

[BTTFVGO]

I have one of those haunted house doors too "CcccRrrrrEeeeeeeeeAaaaaaaKkkkkkkk", and I, too, have thought of WD-40. Then I remembered that maybe it would be better, in case someone tried to break in. After all, it the creak in the door didn't wake me, I don't know what would.

What is it with Dentists? My dad had work done 2 weeks ago, and the dentist, who messed up completely, was too busy talking about his future "Hooter's Dentistry". Come in to get a tooth pulled while scantily dressed, topless Hooter's girls assist the dentist by giving him the items he needs.

[noclue]

First, remove all the hinge shafts and set the door aside. Then using 220 grit sand paper, sand each shaft until nice and shiny. Lastly, apply a thin layer of grease to the shafts and reassemble.

The sanding is just as important as the grease, as you'll find that many hinges, even when new, do not have properly prepared hinge shaft surfaces. Note that this procedure does not require removing the hinge parts from the door or frame. You can just slide the shafts up and out of the hinge parts. Make sure to control the door as you remove the shafts and then set it some place safe to prevent it from falling out of the frame accidentally.

[Robert the Biker]

WD 40 is a moisture dispersant and a release age (frees stuff up well) but it is not a long term lubricant.
Over a fairly short time it will evaporate and leave nothing, so you want to follow the WD'ing with a few drops of light oil; 3 in 1 works well as does sewing machine oil.
That way, you do the job once (when you finally get round to it)

[chamasudo@hotmail.com]

Thnx for the concern!

chamasudo@hotmail.com

[jerry w.]

When all you have is a can of WD-40,

everything sounds like its squeaking.

Surely a variation on a theme,

but it's still true.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Chuck]

Her thoughts were probably something like this:

"I like it when the rich dentist feels me up. Maybe he likes me so much he'll ask me to marry him."

[Bri]

Thanks to an ill-advised and chemically supported run at Mr. Olmpia in the late 1990's, I have ever since suffered from a major case of gynecomastia. Unfortunately my dentist has taken notice of this and often while in for a cleaning I can feel his cold clammy hands riding up my muscle shirt for a cop and a feel. And if that isn't bad enough, afterI get up from the chair he often gives my ass a slap and a tickle. But what can I do? He's the only dentist around here who takes Delta Dental.

[Jim Decker]

Dude - bad mental image in the end

[Danny Donkey]

Has anybody else ever heard the wise words about underachievement?

I think they go "The blade of grass that stands the tallest is always the first to get annhilated by the lawnmower blade."

[Luke]

I haven't washed my car for two years now either. I use the water restriction (Australia) as my excuse. Doesn't quite explain why I haven't cleaned out the inside though.

I emptied my boot finally and had to throw away my "blanky" because it had actually rotted away. At least I solved the mystery of the funky smell which some drunk guy once claimed was "definitely pot", which it most definitely was not.

http://www.thisdevilsworkday.blogspot.com/

[david]

from the worst post ever to the best post ever. so funny.

[D. Mented]

Having had dentists who were not good at dentistry, I know how painful it can be to try new dentists. Also costly.
The one thing I don't understand is why that woman didn't get around to slapping that dentist hard enough to make him decide fondling her again was "almost worth doing".

In my own yard, the elms are again 25 feet tall. I should have cut them back earlier this year, but there were always things more important, including naps. This is unwise because when they get that tall, cutting them back involves keeping them from taking out the power lines as the fall.
D. Mented

[MarkM]

I'm surprised you haven't gotten any comments defaming WD-40. This isn't one of those. However, WD-40 is a cleaner. If things are sticky and squeaky and whatever because they are dirty, WD-40 is the right tool for the job. Otherwise, as has already been pointed out, a little grease is what the doctor ordered.

[amenot]

Procastination sometimes helps. For example, if you delay buying another laptop today, you might get it half price next year.