Being spontaneous

One of the many flaws in my personality is that I am not spontaneous. I confess I am baffled by the entire concept.

First, how do you define spontaneity? Is it even a real thing, or just a superstition? Is spontaneity based on how far in advance you have an idea, or on how irrational the idea is, or some combination of the two?

If I think of doing something a week in advance, I know that’s not spontaneous. A day in advance probably doesn’t count either. I assume an hour isn’t enough. But how about, say, five minutes in advance? Is that still premeditated, or is it getting closer to being spontaneous?

Apparently there is something wrong with my brain, because I have this bad habit of knowing what I want to do before I do it. The phrase you are unlikely to hear from me is, “Why did I just do that?” If I see a cookie that looks tasty, I almost always know it will end up in my mouth before it happens. A truly spontaneous person, assuming such a creature exists, would often say, “What is this in my mouth? How did it get there?”

I have to think a spontaneous life is unsettling, and that’s just considering the stuff you discover in your mouth, to name one orifice.

As you know, you can fake most character traits if you need to. You can fake sincerity, kindness, compassion, optimism, and all sorts of things. But you can’t fake spontaneity. I know because I’ve tried, and it always comes out sounding crazy. I’ll blurt out something like “Let’s walk to Cuba,” and look at my wife to see if I nailed the spontaneous thing. So far, no luck. It’s an elusive concept.

I only know one group of people who are consistently spontaneous, and most of them are already in jail. The rest will follow. Women value spontaneity, so that probably explains why death row inmates get marriage proposals all the time. When you remove the part of a man’s mind that usually says, “Perhaps I should think about this before doing it,” that is pure hotness.

Speaking of hot, my new book, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain! is a top five humor book on Amazon, if you subtract the books that are in the wrong category.

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I wasn't planning to plug my book in this post, but it just happened. I think you will agree that's totally hot.

Comments

[Justin]

I have the same problem, but I don't really care that much. Oh, and women want spontaneous behaivour? And men want women...and not thinking before acting causes 90% of all human problems...

I was never bigoted before this, but I now officially blame women for the the a-bomb, drug abuse,bad restraunt food, rape, 9/11, Kevin Federline, and people who come to work when they're sick.

[Sondra]

Make a list of things you'd like to do. When there is a big enough gap in your schedule, do something!

[Andrew Beattie]

What is different about today's comic (Sunday, Dogbert and Ratbert walking outside).

I can't put my finger on it, but the graduated colour looks odd. Different somehow. Did someone other than Scott do today's artwork?

Andrew

[Paul O]

If you take a trip around the world a week after deciding to do so, that's spontaneous. If you buy a hat just because you were passing the store, that can be viewed as spontaneous, or more likely just good marketing.

Doing things when they're not expected, or with significantly less than the "typical" amount of planning (and still managing to "make it all work out") are typical hallmarks of being spontaneous.

Commenting on the subject at hand, not so much.

[COMPUTERGUY_VACATIONINGINCALIBERT]

i can give you an example that you can try but it will only be spontaneous if you do something both different from it, in a different scenario and on a whim with no structure or purpose.

I'm visiting my cousin in burbank, local to philadelphia.

last night, I stepped onto hollywood blvd and mooned a cabbie then turned around an insulted him in a fake middle-eastern accent when he had done nothing wrong. that is spontanaiety. I didnt know I'd see a cabbie, or be removing my pants in the street. I just did it as it came to me. the poor guy is probably still confused.

Earlier that day I drove past sonyBMG and said to my cousin " wouldn't it be funny to get your picture taken in front of the sign holding your own sign that reads "I steal music" so with no planning I grabbed a piece of cardboard and a marker and went-to-town.
I wont give you any more examples lest I limit your possible-unplanned-trials.

But if you're ever near an ocean and a pile of snow is on the ground nearby, jumping in the ocean with no towel works.

[Ivan]

Yes. I know spontaneous people. They are the ones that get lost in deserts (oh, what a lovely place this Valley of Death is. Let´s take a couple of miles walk to enjoy it better), get eaten by polar bears (oh I just have the impulse to pat that lovely white couchy coo), and have many other stupid ways of get killed. I think Neanderthals were very spontaneous too but got extinc because they couldn´t resist to greet those "friendly" cromangnons.

[Brian]

A million points to Kiran. You hit the jackpot!

[julie g]

Dude - you are overthinking this spontenaity thing just a tech... but maybe that's your point.

[Arby Isme]

Anyone’s first clue that they are not spontaneous is if they are not sure what the definition of the word or concept is. It is usually the really intelligent that are not spontaneous. They think a thing to death before they act on the situation. Driving down the road and instantly deciding to take the unfamiliar path is spontaneous unless there was some conscious thought before hand to look for paths not before followed.

It would be cool to take a cross-country driving trip and not use any Interstate highways, like Route 66 it. Well, we still will look for the things to see and do on the highway before taking the actual trip. Well, so much for spontaneity. Maybe suicide is spontaneous at times but, hey they no longer are in the human gene pool.

[indo]

Today i was at work and went to the canteen to buy me a ciggie and a cuppa tea. I ended having Chinese - chicken fried rice, to be exact. I thought that was majorly spontaneous, and I was gonna gloat about it... but come to think of it, now it just seems like it wasn't too far away from something like 'not knowing what you want' or 'being disorganised'. Hmmmmmm. :-/

[Tom the pooklekufr]

Bad form. You should have segued with,

"Speaking of father-rapers, mother-beaters, and cannibals, ..."

[Fair Witness]

Women know they will get gifts on holidays. By convincing men that they value spontaneity, they will also get gifts on non-holidays. Hence, twice as much stuff. Men hunt, women gather. Never changes.

[jeffw_00]

Scott - go read up about the connection between engineering and autism. How engineers have a higher incidence of autistic people in their families, and how engineers are now considered to HAVE a mild (very mild, I'm not belittling the actual disease) form of autism. Think of autism as the inability to accept unstructured input. You're probably more comfortable in structured settings when you know what's expected of you (no spontaneity required). Welcome to the 'very mildly autistic' club.

It's the dark side of being able to focus so specifically on a single task (like drawing a comic, or writing code). Up the ladder, there are people with aspergers syndrome, a better label for "socially inept" who just can't read non-verbal cues in social situations....

fascinating area.... might be worth a blog
/j

[Stephan]

I'm like you.

Can't be spontaneous at all. I keep thinking things in advance, preparing all possible scenarii in my head just to be sure I don't end up having to make a decision without forethought.

When that happens, I'm like a rabbit in front of truck lights, frozen. Which is why I hate unforeseen arguments. When that happen it usually result in "ok, I hear what you tell me, let me think a bit before I answer or you'll get the first thing that crosses my mind and not what I really think". That kinda works, with the right person...

[Dan]

Scott's latest book is so full of shit my colostomy bag exploded.

[Thorsten]

How about defining spontaneity as instant decision making that uses the latest information and weights certain short-term benefits higher than dubious long-term speculations?

[Debi]

Dont tell me filtered my comment. My god this is worse than I thought.

[Mister Goodman]

>But you can’t fake spontaneity.

Actually I used to fake spontaneity all the time. I'd say things like "Hey, let's go downtown and do something! I don't know what, we'll figure it out when we get there!" It SOUNDS spontaneous, but actually I spent about an hour beforehand studying the local entertainment weekly, looking for two or three interesting things we could "spontaneously" do. That's because if you actually DO head downtown spontaneously without a plan, your odds of stumbling into something cool are pretty limited.

I also pretend to buy cool things "spontaneously", when I actually plan and budget for the purchase well in advance.

I just like to appear more adventurous and spontaneous than I really am. :-)

[Jordi]

I must agree with Mr Adams about the hotness that women usually associate with spontaneity. I also agree with the concept thrown in here by another commentator where he says that the key point to spontaneity is not actually spending no time in making decisions, but rather, making decisions that your significant other does not expect. This is really what women appreciate. Now, in my opinion, in here there is a problem based in the missuse of the word spontaneity. For whatever reason, anglosaxon women in North America call this "ability to surprise your couple" very often spontaneity, while in most European societies, women restlessly demand IMAGINATION from their partners. The reason for this different use of words? This is for someone more able than me to blog.

[giuseppe biondo]

To the attention of all concerned

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[truetool]

"I have to think a spontaneous life is unsettling, and that’s just considering the stuff you discover in your mouth, to name one orifice" - Quote of the month
lol lol lol

[Roboguy]

Even if your wife actually agreed on the walk to Cuba, you'd still spend the next few weeks planning the trip. That's not spontanaeity. Instead, you need to get up out of your chair, head for the door and announce, "I'm walking to Cuba. Care to join me?" Be sure to grab your snorkel before you leave.

[jerry w.]

Remember, there's no substitute for well rehearsed spontaneity!

Well, O.K., a little spontaneous oral is a close second.

Especially if you go first.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[syn]

I like to kill women, then the lord plays music in my head.

[latsot]

I don't consider it a failing to decide what you want to do before doing it. True spontaneity (if it is really possible) seems like laziness at best and poor decision-making at worst.

This reminds me of what Carl Sagan said when pressed for his gut feeling on the existence of extra-terrestrial life: "But I try not to think with my gut."

Although women may value spontaneity, it's possible that they value thoughtfulness more. My guess is that they value the *thought* of spontaneity as some kind of romantic ideal, but in the long term they prefer presents and gestures that are deeply personal and could only have come from that giver to that receiver. Spontaneous behaviour is by its nature impersonal. It might be exciting in concept but chances are everyone will end up with something they don't want.

Strike one for those of us who prefer to do our thinking with our brains. Possibly.