May 2008

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It left me limp and woozy. I think I had sex with a stoat.

read the rules

1. The contest is over.
2. Many of you did not put your "full name" in your entry so you are disqualified.

Bri’t I feel....used....dirty...tossed friends all told me not to get involved with a “cartoonist” and his on-line promotional contests, that I would only get hurt....when my friends called you a cartoonist, I stood up and defended you, “Scott’s a goddamn artist who works in cartoons!” I screamed at them repeatedly before running in my Dogbert slippers, to my bedroom lined with Wally Wallpaper, to bury my burning salty tears in my Catbert pillow....I worked hard to please you, to get just the right blurb–a blurb that you and you alone would find funny, witty, amusing, enlightening...I spent my nights coming up with numerous blurbs, plagiarizing from the cannons of Western and Eastern Civilization, and, when I had to, actually falling back on originality when all other sources seemed already stolen by other contestants before me...Silly me, I even bought a frame in anticipation of winning the original $1500 Dilbert strip....I guess I should cancel the party I planned where all of my friends were to attend the unveiling of the framed, famed strip...But I guess its too late to call back the invitations now, particularly since mother has already run-down the battery on her mobility scooter delivering them...I’ll just have to present a happy front and pretend that the party was to celebrate someone’s triumph...oh yes, a grand to-do it’ll be, giving a grand yee-hah! for that one obscene sick moment in the history of on-line contests where a classless, derivative, maybe-in-the-second-grade-funny blurb won your heart and my $1,500 ARV original Dilbert strip!,no...I mustn’t be bitter, madness lies that way....I must remember what I have learned from Mary Worth...yes, better than them who have humiliated and hurt you..I will wipe my tears away yet again and smile bravely... I guess I should take down the empty frame....But I don’t have the heart or energy to take the empty frame it’ll stay there, on my bedroom wall, empty, a portrait of my own heart...I must put on some Joni Mitchell from her Blue Period and try to relax....God, I haven’t feel so used since that day during morning flagellation when Sister Mary Margaret had me go behind the church vestibule to help her hoist her fallen hosiery....


Reading this book enabled me to become the commander of a vast fleet of interstellar faster-than-light spaceships, and the overlord of several civilizations on other planets. And once you've had alien nookie-nookie you'll never go back.

A. Moses

This book is the sole reason for all of creation.



Michael Zimmerman

Shakespeare once had sex with some paper. Semen and the blood from paper cuts fell on the paper exactly as you see within these pages. Scott Adams is just passing the result of that perfect act as his own.

Michael Zimmerman

Enough Said.

Jessica Bushore

Scott Adams delivers the most passionate personal manifesto I've read in years! Obviously his brain is far superior to a monkey's, and has evolved to at least the level of a gorilla. Will he composed his next work in sign language? Koko the gorilla watch out!

Marcus Dodd

Canada not being Eligible FTL...



Joel Rasmussen

Place it under your pillow at night and you won’t BELIEVE what happens...flying dreams have never been like this!

Joel Rasmussen

The ONLY book you need to take with you to a desert island! And not just because the pages are edible, or because it can be folded into a sofa lounger. (HINT: Page 76 also doubles as a machete!)

Jim Mitchell

"STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN!" is the perfect book to curl up with in bed. Especially since statistics indicate if you are reading this book there is no one next to you. This book is the perfect companion for your lonely existence on the earth.

Jim Mitchell

I used to read the standard good night books to my kids every night. Now I read them chapters from "Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain". They go to sleep so quick I use the free time to post comments to Scott's blog. It's a classic win-win scenario!

igor Dworkin

will provide true enlightenment to the world
by being the the most audacious
zen koan ever conceived.


Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain has the authoritative answers to life's greatest mysteries. Who killed JFK? Read page 422! What happens to us when we die? It's on page 816! Was Hitler gay? See for yourself page 962! And best of all, everything fits in less than 400 pages!


"A must-read for all the intelligent beings of the world (Don't worry, this probably doesn't include you!)"

Alex Scheberl

Sharon Gifford

This book was so great it made my nose hair turn green! Or that might have been the jellybean...

This book put the "Oo" in book!

Thanks to this book I can dream in color! Now if only I could stop dreaming about Dogbert...

After reading this book, my lawn grows all by itself! Now I might have to read it too!

It's like Reality Television, but in a book!

It's like all of your guilty pleasures rolled into one!

It's fat free! And low-carb! You'll lose weight just picking it up!

It's cabbage-grabbingly fantastic!

It's better than being beaten by drunken wallabies!

It's more fun than being chased by a crazed rhino!

It's more fun than being pitchforked by a moldy-muffin-maddened mob!

It's more fun than being poked with a moldy banana!

It's more fun than a harpoon in your liver!

erik brown

*After reading this book I found I could walk again after years of being to lazy

* I never need a resparatior from laughing to hard until i read this book

*after i read this book i found that i had grown a full beard and when i looked at the calender a week had passed and i had been fired, on the whole it was worth it


More of the irreverence and hilarity from the author of the Dilbert comic strip and TV show! Except without Dilbert, comics, any of the irreverence, and much of the hilarity. Will hopefully last longer on the shelves than the TV show...

Nolan Sim

Before I bought this book I was a homeless crack addict who survived by pleasuring men behind the dumpster at K-Mart. Now I am a male supermodel rockstar billionare. Buy it immediatly; it will turn your life around! Don't bother reading it though. I sure didn't, Scott Adams is a total *&@%hole.

Matt Nelson

Adams is amazing! He doodles his Dilbert all day long and still finds time to write best selling books!
If laughter is the best medicine then this book is an online pharmacy filled with suspiciously cheap wit.
This book is like a romp in the hay with a wildly inappropriate partner…but without the hay…oh, and the partner is Scott Adams, so you may want to dim the lights a bit.
Brilliant! The long awaited third book in the “Monkey-brain” trilogy. It lives up to all the hype and makes you wonder why Adams never bothered to write the first two books.
A fascinating and hilarious book by the creator of the Dilbert multimedia empire. Scott Adams is a philosopher, restaurateur, public speaker, and best selling author. It’s amazing that he can still find time to doodle his Dilbert!
If he’s not doodling his Dilbert, or logged into his blog, he might be noodling about his doodlings, or maybe just Googling his doctors right out of a job. If this sounds confusing, his book will explain. So buy the damn thing, you dumb monkey brain!
If he’s not doodling his Dilbert, or logged into his blog, he might be noodling about his doodlings, or maybe just Googling his doctors right out of a job.

Dr. Seuss? Hardly. This is Scott Adams like you’ve never seen him before.

Joel Rasmussen

Scott Adams is Mark Twain on laughing gas.


STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN! Is a poignant, coming-of-age, graphic novel by “Scott Adams”, a collective of artists who publish under a pseudonym comprised of the first letters to their names. Sandy Aaron (writer), Connie Donne (writer), Olivia Appleton-Miller (ink), and Susan Thompson-Thorton (preliminary sketch) comprise this unique and radical feminist collective. In this novel, “Scott Adams” reveals the darkness in the soul of Generation X and how drugs, drink, mindless bed-hopping, and addictions of all manner snuffed out what few tiny flickering lights of hope were given by fate to this ill-fated generation. Be prepared to be transformed, if not transgendered.

Richard Ohge

After thoroughly digesting the contents of this book-I felt an uncontrollable urge to don work jeans, a plaid Mackinah, a Maple Leaf's Cap, grab an ax, and go to the Great White North to enter "Blog Rolling Competitions". Pass some Molson, eh...

Diane Stevens

A must have for your office. It's a perfect thickness for replacing a cubicle wall foot, when yours goes missing.

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