IT’S A BOOK!!! IT’S A CONTEST!!!

Did you notice that the The Dilbert Blog archive suspiciously disappeared last spring? A big publisher agreed with your frequent suggestions that I should turn the funnier posts into a book. So I did, and as part of that deal removed the book content from the Internet.

The book’s title is inspired by the many insults hurled at me on this blog. It’s called STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN! And it hits stores today.

Now, you might wonder what would inspire you to read a book full of funny noodlings that you might have seen on this blog. Answer: It makes a lovely gift for the people in your life who are seriously twisted and don’t read blogs. You might know someone in that category.

If you plan to snag a copy of the book, it helps me the most if you do it this week, so it picks up momentum. Here’s the Amazon link, or visit your local book seller.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591841852?ie=UTF8&tag=
dilbertcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325
&creativeASIN=1591841852

My only book signing will be at my restaurant, Stacey’s at Waterford, on November 7th from 5 to 7 p.m., facilitated by Barnes & Noble. See www.eatatstaceys.com and click “events.”

BOOK BLURB CONTEST
==================

You know those personal endorsements you see on the back cover of books? Those are called “blurbs.” You can win valuable prizes, and maybe see your blurb on the back of my book after the next printing, by entering the STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN! book blurb contest right here.

(U.S. Residents only. Sorry! The book is only available in the U.S. for now too. More countries will follow.)

The detailed contest rules are below. Just submit a humorously over-the-top book blurb in the comments to this blog post. (Don’t worry that you have never seen the book.)

The top winner gets a framed original Dilbert strip worth $1,500, and your blurb might appear on the back cover of the book after the next print run. Twenty-five runners up get signed copies of the book, with a little sketch of Dogbert on the inside.

An example of a funny book blurb would go something like this: “I laughed so hard, one of my kidneys shook loose and I pooped it out. I can’t wait for the sequel!”

Or “My acne cleared up, and I threw away the Viagra!”

Or “I was illiterate until I heard about this book. Finally there was a reason to read!”

You get the idea. The wilder the better.

OFFICIAL CONTEST RULES YOU PROBABLY WON’T READ
==============================================

ELIGIBILITY. The Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain! Book Blurb Contest
(“Contest”) is open to legal U.S. residents physically residing in the United States and DC, who are the age of majority in their home state as of the Contest start date, and who have Internet access prior to the Contest start date (in some cases, the age of majority may be older than 18 years of age) (“Contestants”). This Contest is void outside of the United States, in Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, U.S. Military installations in foreign countries, all other U.S. territories and possessions, and wherever else restricted or prohibited by law. Employees and immediate families of United Media, Penguin Group and Scott Adams, Inc. and their respective parents, subsidiaries, affiliates, directors, owners, employees and agents are not eligible. The Contest is sponsored by Scott Adams, Inc. (“Sponsor”). This Contest is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws. 

The Contest begins 10/22/07 at 6:00 a.m. Pacific Time (“PT”) and ends 10/31/07 at 11:59 p.m. ET (“Contest Period”). ALL ENTRIES MUST BE SUBMITTED DURING THE CONTEST SUBMISSION PERIOD. By participating, Contestants agree to be bound by these Official Rules and the decisions of the Judges and/or Sponsors, which are binding and final on matters relating to this Contest. 

HOW TO ENTER. Online Submissions only.  Here is how to enter: during the Contest Period, access the Dilbert blog located at www.dilbert.typepad.com (the “Blog”) and submit a short and humorous book endorsement in the comments section to the blog post where you are reading these rules, together with your full name and email address (“Submission”). You can be as creative as you like within the Submission Guidelines set forth in these Rules. All entries must be received during the Contest Period as determined by the computer time on Sponsor’s server. Incomplete, garbled, or otherwise illegible Submissions are void and will not be accepted.  Sponsor is not responsible for lost, late, misdirected or corrupted Submissions, and for any problems, bugs or malfunctions Contestants may encounter when submitting or posting their Submissions. Sponsor reserves the right to disqualify false entries or entries suspected of being false. Submissions must be submitted in the specially designated comments section of the Blog.  Submissions may not be mailed or faxed or electronically forwarded to Sponsor, and any e-mailed submissions will be destroyed.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES. In addition to the other terms contained in these Official Rules, your Submission must be a humorous comment endorsing or complimenting Scott Adams’ new book, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain! It must be [50] words or less.  For example, by way of illustration only, a Submission may be: “After reading this book, my acne cleared up and I threw away the Viagra!” Your Submission must also comply with the Blog Terms of Use. Your Submission must be an original work of authorship created by the person who submits the entry. Submissions may not contain any illegal subject matter. Contestants may not copy or otherwise plagiarize the Submission from any source, nor may the Submissions include third party copyrighted material. Contestants agree to indemnify Sponsor against any and all claims from any third party for any use by Sponsor of Submission.

JUDGING AND NOTIFICATION. Judging will be completed in one (1) round.  All entries will be prescreened to insure the entries have correctly met the Submission Guidelines and meet with Sponsor’s general standards and practices prior to any judging (“Qualified Entries”). Judging of all Qualified Entries received on or before the Contest end date will begin on or about 11/1/07 by Scott Adams. The first phase will be a screening round where entries that do not qualify as humorous or appropriate per the contest guidelines will be eliminated. Each remaining Submission will be judged on a 100-point scale for humor and creativity.

The one (1) submission with the highest number of points will be deemed the Grand Prize Selected Contestant.  The twenty-five (25) Submissions with the next highest numbers of points will be deemed the Second Prize Selected Contestants. In the event of a tie, the tying entries will be rescored to determine a Selected Contestant.  Selected Contestant will be required to respond (as directed) to the e-mail notification within 72 hours of attempted notification.  The failure to respond timely to the notification may result in forfeiture of the prize; and, in such case, Sponsor may choose the next highest scoring Submission from among the remaining eligible submissions.  The Selected Contestant will also be sent an affidavit of eligibility / liability / publicity release (“Release”).  Unless restricted by law, each Selected Contestant will be required to complete and return the Release within the time period specified therein. Should Selected Contestant be unwilling or otherwise unable to provide such releases or otherwise cannot accept or receive the prize for any reason, a Contestant with the next highest score will be chosen from the remaining entries until one who is able to meet all requirements can be selected. In the event of noncompliance with the foregoing requirements or if prize notification is returned as undeliverable, prize will be forfeited and, at Sponsor’s discretion, an alternate Selected Contestant will be selected.  Selected Contestants’ full names and Submissions will be posted on the Blog and affiliate web sites, on or around 11/15/08 and all or part of his/her Submission may potentially be posted or published for use, viewing and/or implementation by third parties throughout the world.

LICENSE: As a condition of receiving any prize, all Contestants hereby provide a One Hundred Eighty (180) day exclusive irrevocable worldwide license to Sponsor after which time, Sponsor shall retain a perpetual non-exclusive license to use all Submissions in any and all media throughout the world, in perpetuity, for any purpose whatsoever, without any additional compensation, the term of which shall be the entire life of the copyright. Should any Contestant be unwilling or otherwise unable to enter into license, or provide permissions and or releases or otherwise cannot accept or receive the prize for any reason, the Contestant with the next highest score will be chosen from the remaining entries until one who is able to meet all requirements can be selected. CONTESTANTS WILL NOT BE PAID FOR THEIR SUBMISSIONS or for granting Sponsor any of these rights.

PRIZES. 

One (1) Grand Prize: A framed and signed original Dilbert comic selected by Sponsor in its sole discretion.  Approximate Retail Value of First Prize (“ARV”): $1,500. Additionally, the Grand Prize winner’s submission might appear on the back cover of subsequent print runs of Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain!

Twenty Five (25) Second Prizes: one (1) autographed copy of the book Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain.  ARV of Second Prizes: $16.47.

Total ARV of Prizes: $1,911.75. Selected Contestants cannot assign or transfer the prize to another person. Any costs or fees not specifically listed herein are the responsibility of Selected Contestants. No substitution, transfer, or cash redemption of prize, provided however that Sponsor reserves the right to substitute a prize with another prize of equal or greater value should the advertised prize become unavailable for any reason. In the event that insufficient qualified entries are received, Sponsor reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to not award all prizes. Prizes will be shipped to U.S. addresses only.

CONDITIONS. Contest is subject to these Official Rules.  By participating, Contestants agree: (i) to be bound by these complete Official Rules and the decisions of Sponsor which shall be final and binding; and (ii) to waive any right to claim ambiguity in the Contest or these Official Rules, except where prohibited by law.  By accepting a prize, Selected Contestant agrees to release United Media, Penguin Group, Scott Adams and Scott Adams, Inc., including their parent, subsidiary and affiliated entities together with the respective directors, employees, officers, licensees, licensors and agents, and respective advertising and promotion entities and any person or entity associated with the production, judging, or administration of the Contest, (collectively, the “Releasees”) from any and all liability, loss or damage arising from or in connection with awarding, receipt and/or use or misuse of prize or participation in any prize-related activities.  Sponsor reserves the right to cancel or suspend the Contest, in its sole discretion, should it receive fewer than [50] entries, or receive no entries that have a judged score above 80 points, or due to circumstances beyond its control, including natural disasters.  Submissions will not be returned and may be destroyed.  Sponsor may prohibit a Contestant from participating in the Contest or winning a prize if, in its sole discretion, it determines such Contestant is attempting to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest by cheating, deception, or any other unfair playing practices of intending to annoy, abuse, threaten, undermine or harass any other players or Sponsor representatives.  Disputes regarding these Official Rules and/or this Contest will be governed by the internal laws of the State of California. Taxes, if any, are the sole responsibility of Selected Contestant, and Contestants may be issued an IRS Form 1099 for the ARV of any awarded prize.

PUBLICITY.  Sponsor reserves the right to use the Submissions for publicity purposes prior to or after the Contest end date, in any media, and to use the name, likeness, hometown of any Contestant, including all or part of their Submissions throughout the world, without any compensation or prior review unless specifically prohibited by law. Contestants understand and agree that, by entering this Contest, all or part of their Submissions may potentially be posted or published for use, viewing and/or implementation by third parties throughout the world, with or without credit to Contestants.

PRIVACY. All personal information collected by Sponsor will be used only for administration of the Contest.

OFFICIAL RULES AND WINNERS LIST.  For a copy of these Official Rules or the name of Selected Contestants, e-mail your request to: [email protected]. Request must be received by January 31, 2008. 

Comments

[Bob Moriarty]

The Great American Blog is here!
An in-your-face bouillabaisse of regurgitated wit ... hits you like an email with bad breath.

[Matthew J. Marshall]

This book changed my life - I'm no longer rich, handsome, nor hung like a horse, but it the laughs were all worth it!

[Gary E. Ramey]

I posted this on Cct. 22nd but it doesn't appear here. What gives?

Read this book, it's better than being probed by aliens?

I was abducted by extra-terrestrials who forced me to translate this book while they conducted unspeakable experiments. I enjoyed it so much, (the book not the experiments) I stole their copy. After all that probing, I thought it only fair!

[Gary E. Ramey]

Read this book, it's better than being probed by aliens?

I was abducted by extra-terrestrials who forced me to translate this book while they conducted unspeakable experiments. I enjoyed it so much, (the book not the experiments) I stole their copy. After all that probing, I thought it only fair!

[Suzanne Reichel]

More exciting that a bottle of prozac with a martini chaser!

[Kevin Leung]

This book was so insightful, I saw Scott Adams' face in a peanut butter jar!

[Jim Llewellyn]

..So comprehensive in it's content that it replaces my copy of the US Federal Tax Code as the only reference I use when doing people's taxes.
--- D. Duction, CPA

[Blue34]

I laughed! I cried! I peed my pants!
Now my boss, Mr. Dillenkrautsenhein, says I have to reimburse the company for a new office chair.

[Chris]

From the relation of quantum physics to free will, religion versus science, the ethics of peace and war, Mr. Adams displays his complete and utter ignorance regarding all of the above. If you like being alternately angered and alienated, this book is for you!

[Michelle Simons]

Its so enjoyable that the spazms in my back started to mingle with my endorphines!

[Andrew Gordon]

This book changed my life! I realized since I had nothing better to do but read it, I had none!

[Jake Stern]

Yeah, I didn't think this book was that funny.

[Jake Stern]

I was really hoping he'd write more about Garfield.

[Jake Stern]

I never read this book. I guess it looks alright, though.

[eric ilasenko]

Scott Adams could be an Alien Creature with the wisdom he imparts to us mere mortals in this masterpiece!

[D]

This book not made entirely from recycled materials. Buy the book or the trees will have died in vain.

-- or --

The trees have already been cut down so ask yourself "Why not buy the book?" The monkeys thought it was a fair trade.

-- or ---

If you ever wondered what America does during the work day to waste so much time and money, you've never been on the internet. But now you can read it all for the first time on the crapper! *Pages also works as standard two-ply.

-- or --

Read this book; what better thing could you do while on the crapper, a plane, the bus, or during jury duty? In fact, my maniacal snorting while reading the book got me out of jury duty altogether. This was the best $15 a day plus mileage I ever spent.

-- or --

This book is the best thing since the internet; you can take it with you anywhere and not worry about pop-up ads between pages. No assembly required, internet connection not included.

[Brandy]

Find further proof that cartoonist Scott Adams needs "help"!

[James Yin]

Who on the Nobel committee did Doris Lessing blow to beat out Mr. Adams?

[Trevor T]

When Scott Adams authored "God's Debris" in September 2004 the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. Now this masterpiece is released in 2007 and the Sox won the pennant. Coincidence? I think not.

[Duane Nieuwsma]

This book has many words lined up in rows instead of word balloons with drawings that you can color. On the bright side, it will stimulate your left brain and make you well-rounded and more attractive to head-hunters so that you too can become a wealthy CEO.

[Richard Factor]

I HAVE to buy this book! My kidnappers had a copy but my dad foolishly paid the ransom an hour too soon.

[Harry Knopp]

This book is guaranteed to help you get laid...as long as you aren't choosy.

[Harry Knopp]

Harry Knopp [email protected]

100 years from now, schoolchildren won't know who Bill and Hillary Clinton were, but they'll be able to quote passages in this book verbatim.

[Larry Rosenthal]

Funnier than a pack of monkeys Jonesing for your nuts!

---

Caution - hiccough inducing hilarity inside. Medical intervention may be required.