You can only imagine how many people forwarded me the story about a gang of monkeys attacking and killing the deputy mayor of Delhi, in India. Apparently this had “my kind of story” written all over it.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/7055625.stm
According to the BBC, devout Hindus think monkeys are the manifestation of the monkey god Hanuman. Allow me to digress right here and confess that I could type the words “monkey god” all day long, and doing so would make me happy each and every time. For some wonderful reason, that combination of words – monkey god – releases a little snort of serotonin directly into the part of my brain that likes it the most.
Monkey god...monkey god...monkey god...Aaaaah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Anyway, devout Hindus often feed nuts and bananas to the monkeys. So it should come as no surprise that monkeys will occasionally jump on your balcony, grab your nuts, and try to get their paws on your banana. This is why the phrase “had it coming” was invented.
The Indian solution to the problem involves training large monkeys to beat up the small ones. This can’t end well. In my country, we complain that defense contractors are drumming up reasons for war. In India, it looks like the monkey training industry is getting too influential. Their solution to every problem is larger monkeys. But you need to breed ever larger monkeys to beat up the previous monkeys. That’s all well and good until one of them climbs to the top of the Taj Mahal and starts swatting jets.
If I were invited to the funeral, or whatever they call it in India, and I was not a close friend or relative, I don’t know if I could behave myself. Let’s say I was the deputy mayor’s driver, and I was friendly with the dearly departed, but not friends. I think I would spend the entire ceremony going up to different family members and asking, “So, how did he die? No one mentioned it yet.” My entire objective would be to trick a great aunt into saying, “The monkeys tried to grab his nuts, but he didn’t have enough nuts to go around. A scuffle broke out, and he went over a railing.”
I don’t know how reincarnation works, but I’m guessing the deputy mayor will come back as a monkey hater. He might not be too fond of me either.
In unrelated news, my new book, based on the funnier posts from my blog, is available in local bookstores and on Amazon at...
Ahh India and Hinduism ...
The most polluted and disgusting river in the world is sacred and should therefore be swam, washed in, urinated in and drunk from.
The most unhygenic, fly- and disease-ridden livestock are sacred and should therefore be allowed to wander the streets and defacate anywhere.
Wild killer monkeys are the reincarnation of a god and should therefore be encouraged to wreak havoc on the human population...
...Proof that God has a wicked sense of humour.
Posted by: heynoni | October 23, 2007 at 05:38 PM
All I can say is, there's a lesson in here somewhere.
Posted by: jmc | October 23, 2007 at 05:23 PM
Am surprised this news made headlines...surprised still that its a topic that's being blogged about...
This kind of news makes one think that India is full of monkeys running amok, building an army to wage a war on mankind.I am an Indian and have to say the closest encounter I've had with monkeys is in a zoo,locked up, behind huge bars with a barbed fence between us.Nice and safe, methinks.
Good sense of humor though about the gigantic monkeys swatting jets.
Posted by: Sapma | October 23, 2007 at 05:18 PM
Hey Scott, I'm Indian and Hindu to boot....and initially, I was like "What the hell!" but now I do see that it does appear very ironic and begs to be mocked at. Your clever sentence is really funny!
However, do spare a thought for the poor deputy mayor - the poor dude died! I don't know about the Langur training though - it seems ridiculous (akin to putting Blackwater Thugs in Iraq to "Protect" people!) Who watches the Langur?
BTW: this is the difference between moderates and radicals - radicals will bay for your blood after reading this post; moderates will probably chuckle a bit, and go back to being moderate! Hanuman is a pretty cool god - unlike any other god I can think of! The other gods seem to have wasted all their time in writing useless books through their messengers, which zealots follow so damn closely and keep shouting "Blasphemy"!
Another point - no concept of Blasphemy in True Hinduism! Question and mock all you want! Feel free to do so without being worried about death-threats and stuff like so! I must say Hinduism is a pretty secure religion! Paint and portray all you want! In fact, in some festivals, gods are portrayed in different modern garbs!
Posted by: Aditya Simha | October 23, 2007 at 05:13 PM
I wonder if I should start selling monkey insurance in India?
Posted by: DWH | October 23, 2007 at 04:47 PM
He must have had som very bad Boddygrads.
what did they think?
"hey do you think we should stop that monkey?"
"No he's just playing"
...
"ups"
______________________________________________________
I will post a comment every day promoting this danish cartoon:
http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/
why? because they deserve it and besause here you can se the things that can never be printet ind the US.
Naughty things that Scott can only dream off
But hey you say, it's just on the internet, that's nothing!
But they are also in one of Denmarks biggest newspapers (the one that diden't mock muhammed)
see here:
http://politiken.dk/
It's also ind their print version.
Simon J P
Posted by: Simon JP | October 23, 2007 at 04:44 PM
>In my country, we complain that defense
>contractors are drumming up reasons for war.
Certainly, some Americans do. They are described, in the local slang, as "morons."
The rest of us realize that every war in world history has been started by a government, not a private company.
(Yes, Dancing Monkey Cartoon Boy, I know you think the government takes bribes to start wars. And I also know you think this is not the government's fault. Meditate on that.)
Posted by: ShakeAndBake | October 23, 2007 at 04:16 PM
Tim Booth, of the alternative band James, has a very good song titled "Monkey God".
Find it, and enjoy.
Posted by: JShope | October 23, 2007 at 04:12 PM
Tit for Tat. You buy mine,
On your marks, get set, laugh
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?r=1&ean=9780738807089
and I'll buy yours
Posted by: Brendon Marks | October 23, 2007 at 03:23 PM
monkey god, monkey god, monkey god...
I'm actually a little miffed about the disappearance of many of the best blog posts. I wanted to show one to my dad, and I couldn't find it. I looked for a long time. Of course, I didn't have a chance.
I need to buy the book now. Problem is, I live in Amsterdam.
Right now there are only a few comments about the book on amazon.com, but one of them calls himself an "epistomologist". That's funny because he spelled it wrong. I wish I had an amazon account, so I could tell him "you're a loser. You spelled 'Epistemologist' wrong."
That's it. Maybe someone with an amazon account will read this and say these words to him. I would be happy. Especially because he really is a loser. He slammed Scott's book without apparently having read it.
Posted by: Marco | October 23, 2007 at 03:20 PM
Not a bad post but not enough fodder for penis jokes. How about this certification? http://www.eccouncil.org/lpt/Licensed_Penetration_Tester.htm
Posted by: BT | October 23, 2007 at 03:06 PM
And what about here at home? The turkeys are attacking in the streets!
http://daddydan.wordpress.com/2007/10/23/breaking-news-turkeys-attack-us/
Posted by: Daddy Dan | October 23, 2007 at 02:39 PM
"So it should come as no surprise that monkeys will occasionally jump on your balcony, grab your nuts, and try to get their paws on your banana."
When that happens, that would be the right time to spank the monkey.
Posted by: vinay | October 23, 2007 at 02:35 PM
"So it should come as no surprise that monkeys will occasionally jump on your balcony, grab your nuts, and try to get their paws on your banana."
When that happens, that would be the right time to spank the monkey.
Posted by: vinay | October 23, 2007 at 02:35 PM
"Oh crap, animal problem"
"Hey, I bet I could fix it with a bigger animal"
This seems like a familiar situation...I think I've seen it before, in a different form.
It ended like this:
"There was an old lady who swallowed a horse.
She died of course"
Posted by: Teh Johnald | October 23, 2007 at 02:05 PM
> jump on your balcony, grab your nuts, and try to get their paws on your banana.
Yay! Back to penis jokes. This is what all blogs OUGHT to be about. It puts me back in my comfort zone.
Posted by: Bill | October 23, 2007 at 02:05 PM
Holy Crap! newsletter! Thanks Uncle Scott!
Posted by: LA Clay | October 23, 2007 at 01:53 PM
I'm surprised the blatant drug reference got by on today's strip
good job!
Posted by: Matt | October 23, 2007 at 01:38 PM
Was one of the apes named Caesar by any chance?
Posted by: Diana Wales | October 23, 2007 at 01:25 PM
Oh, great. Wait'll the National Rifle Association gets hold of this one!
Posted by: Bruce | October 23, 2007 at 01:23 PM
Well I am very displeased with this. I am a devout Hindu from India. And I must say I am shocked how people in west want to mock other's traditions. Who gives you right to sarcasticallu talk about Hindu religion? What do you know about hinduism? How would you feel if we were to make fun of Jesus christ. I am sure some of the crowd will get hurt.
So I would just say as celebrity cartoonist, I would expect more restrain from you than average westener.
Posted by: Zeya | October 23, 2007 at 01:21 PM
I'll buy it if you text JOKE to 55233.
If I send it to you, postage paid, will you sign it and send it back? And draw a Dilbert in it?
I promise, I won't tell UM.
bill
Posted by: Bill Tkach | October 23, 2007 at 12:39 PM
Here in the Boston area, it's turkey attacks we have to worry about: http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/10/23/turkeys_take_to_cities_towns/?p1=MEWell_Pos1
Posted by: Dave's not here! | October 23, 2007 at 12:25 PM
RAINMASTER wrote: [Rita Mae - "He died from the fall". True. I'd think the deputy mayor of Delhi would be capable enough to save his banana and nuts from ingressing the mouths of a bunch of malnourished monkeys and let his wife have them instead...]
Well, Rainmaster. Evidently he wasn't capable enough. He's dead. BWAHAHAHA
Rita (don't ingress anything buy food into my mouth) Mae
Posted by: rita mae | October 23, 2007 at 11:54 AM
Cartoonist ignores helpful advice!
Posted by: David | October 23, 2007 at 11:31 AM