Now THAT’S a Party!

Did you read about the six beer-drinking elephants in India? The elephants found drums of fermenting rice beer on a farm, partied too hard, then uprooted utility poles and electrocuted themselves. The fascinating part is that because they are elephants, they still remember that night.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21432722/?GT1=10450

My first reaction to that story was, “I’ll have what they’re having!” You don’t get to use that joke often, and I don’t like to miss an opportunity.

I’m no marketing expert, but if I were the farmer whose beer they drank, I’d start calling it “Shocking Elephant” and I’d design the coolest beer bottles ever. They’d be in the shape of an elephant with his trunk straight out, and that’s the part you would drink from.

On the back label, I’d include a handy guide to what level of stupid you could expect after consuming each bottle. At the top of the scale, after ten bottles, you would have “probable accidental electrocution.” At the bottom of the scale, after drinking one elephant or two, the problems would be “Thinking you are witty” and “Mild attraction to your friend’s mom.”

As I understand it, when you get electrocuted, it makes you crap. Imagine being the first person to find these six dead elephants, in 40 tons of elephant poop, wrapped in live power cables. I would dive into the bushes and hope no one saw me. My fear would be that my neighbor who owns the land might say, “Can you help me clean this up?”

They say there’s a tool for everything, but I checked my toolkit, and there’s nothing there for cleaning up six electrocuted elephants in a mountain of shit. How do you even approach this problem? Do you wait for them to harden, then cut them up with chainsaws, put them in plastic garbage bags and distribute them to dumpsters all over town?

In the short run, you could charge admission to see the six dead elephants. I’d pay a rupee or two for that. I might even take the kids. There aren’t many things the whole family can enjoy, but I’m pretty sure this is one of them.

Perhaps this is why I’m not in charge of planning weekends.

Speaking of dead elephants rotting in piles of crap, my new book is a perfect gift for the person in your life who knows how to read and can’t stop bragging about it. You can get the book at Amazon or any local bookstore. On Amazon, it's the #1 best selling humor book about business, even though it's not about business.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591841852?ie=UTF8&tag=dilbertcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1591841852

Comments

[Elisson]

Two questions:

(1) Are electrocuted drunken elephants pink? You know, like one of those hot dogs that's been cooked in one of those electric cookers?

(2) How many blind men does it take to describe six dead elephants?

[QwkDrw]

Yet one more tears down the face, convulsing with laughter blog read.

By the way, YOU "planning the weekend" is oxymoronic -- because you are going to do what SHE wants to do, anyway.

[Trotta]

I already want to buy a WHOLE BOX of that hypothetical elephant-shaped beer! \o/

[Dave]

Rice beer?
An oxymoron where I come from.

[WriterLady]

cutting them up and what?? spare us scott. i love ur sense of humour but this is well....plain disgusting....

[Ole]

Not only does Carlsberg brew Elephant beer - there's a bar in Copenhagen (the Mouse and the Elephant) where Elephant beer is available from tap - the second floor bar has a tap formed as en Elephant's head. Pull the tusk and the beer flows out of the trunk. So your bottle idea is close to reality... ;)

[vasco]

LOL

Well said...

That's really a PAAAAAAAAARTY!!!

--
http://href.hu/x/2sv1
--

[Bill]

>They say there’s a tool for everything, but I checked my toolkit, and there’s nothing there for cleaning up six electrocuted elephants

You claim to be a male, you have hundreds of millions of dollars, and there's no armored bulldozer in your toolkit? For Shame!

[Steven McDaniel]

Kind of reminds me of the old joke: "What do you give an elephant with diarrhoea?" The answer, of course, is, "lots of room." And I mean that with the deepest, deepest respect for our suffering fellow creatures, God rest their souls. On a happier note, we can take comfort in the fact that they got a decent burial: they ended up 'interred' side by side.

[John]

The best part of the story is this:

"Four wild elephants died in similar circumstances in the region three years ago."

Where is Greenpeace?

[jerry w.]

Some sale pitches:

Drink Elephant Beer, for an evening you'll never forget!

Drink Elephant Beer, bigger trunks are better!

Drink Elephant Beer, when you just want to "tusk" around!

Drink Elephant Beer, shock the monkeys!

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Arturo]

Scott's best ever blog post?

[Nirav]

Kenyans have a beer called Tusker beer.
And as some other hindu's would have pointed out, Hindu's (80% of indian population) have a elephant god as well. Called Ganesha, so selling elephant beer in India is out of the question, the extreme right wingers (Rashtriya Svayamsevak Sangh, Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal) would burn down your factory smash all the bottles and wont allow it to be sold.
Nice Idea but not effective in India

(I am a Hindu Indian Living in London)

[jerry w.]

"Dead Elephants Roting in Piles of Crap
Hmm. Could be a good band name."
Posted by: Tony | October 26, 2007 at 12:52 PM

Already been done,

google it first...

Then read the next line.....

Did you know that the word gullible is not found in the dictionary?

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[D. Mented]

Sell them by piece or by lot on E-Bay!
(People will pay extra if you can talk like this is "great art" but you have to have that angry-leftist style in describing the work to get away with that)
D. Mented

[Swaroop]

>>They’d be in the shape of an elephant with his trunk >>straight out, and that’s the part you would drink from.

Isn't this already invented ? Seen a Kettle ?? or a Tea pot?

[James]

Your incessant self promotion is making it all the more tempting to steal that book.... will you put it online or put it out in the library, or do I have to steal it the old fashioned way?

[Kevin Kunreuther]

This should be a good yeasty beer with a pale color with a double shot of cappuccino per serving - like the idea of an elephant shaped bottle

Shocking Pink Elephant Beer - get a jumbo with those bar nuts, Skippy!

Shocking Pink Elephant Beer - get a trunkful and toot your own horn!

Shocking Pink Elephant Beer - new meaning to beer buzz

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Here you are Scott, Thomas Alva Edison electrocuting a ten ton elephant

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3182452806716511870&q=thomas+edison+elephant&total=7&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=1

[alexei]

i've been hanging around with women too much... all i feel is compassion and sadness for the elephants.
and stop talking about the FUCKING BOOK!
love you
x

[Aditya Simha]

This is for Vader1941. Nice wry comment, mate! Here's one back at you -

A Christian's worship can indeed move anything - unfortunately, it seems to include moving a bunch of dead Iraqis for no fault of theirs!

[Mokkery]

That is just the saddest thing I have ever heard. My sympathy goes out to those poor souls. I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been for them. It breaks my heart to think that some poor bastards actually have to clean up piles of fried elephant carcass and mounds of dumbo doody? Yukk!

And hey, is that really true that you have a new book and it’s available at Amazon.com through this link?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591841852?ie=UTF8&tag=dilbertcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1591841852

I've seen the Amazon.com page and it really seems like a book that everybody should buy.

(Hey Scott, I gave it my best shot. Hope it helps.)

[rd]

poorest elephants..
shouldn't they be described 'shocked' elephants though
if they got electrocuted
yesterday f.e i also got shocked after reading the letter A before the verb feel
since when verbs require articles indicating singularity and nounness before them?!

[Lymonhead]

Good job Scott. (About the book and the good blog).

Proud o y'all!

[Nate]

What I like most is the bit about "Four wild elephants died in similar circumstances in the region three years ago".

Assuming evolution, pretty soon we're either going to have A. Elephants that have a resistance to getting drunk, or B. Elephants that can resist getting electrocuted. I think the latter would be hilarious; I can just picture the unstoppable march of the power-line-eating elephants across the face of the Asian continent.