There’s a guy I know, but not well. He’s polite and friendly. He’s average looking. He means well. As far as I can tell, he’s a good citizen. And yet, every time I see him, I want to beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in a shallow grave.
I don’t know why I have this feeling about him. It’s just chemistry. He doesn’t do a single thing wrong. He just gives off a strong “kill me” vibe. Out of curiosity, I checked with a friend, and I’m not the only one who feels this way about him. Ten seconds after he opens his mouth, you want him dead.
You would think evolution would have weeded out the “kill me” gene a long time ago. If evolution can’t handle an easy job like that, it’s got a lot of explaining to do, unless this guy can run unusually fast, or his skull is extra thick.
I know enough about this fellow’s life to know things aren’t working out for him professionally or personally. This is not a huge surprise. I feel sorry for him, although the pity is somewhat muted by the feeling of wanting to pound a railroad spike through his head.
Luckily, I have enough self-control to not attack him. But I do worry about running into him when I’m shopping at Shovels-r-Us. I’d hate to be testing out a new shovel for weight and balance when he walks around the corner. BUH-TANG!!!! And then he’d just stand there with his thick ol’ skull and his stupid smile, saying something like “You should be careful with that thing. That’s the third time today someone hit me with a shovel.”
Do you know someone like that?
I think a lot of situations mentioned are just miscommunications. I am having a problem at workk with a girl who always seems to think she is right and knows everything but I am training her because she has never worked in a laboratory before. It makes training difficult when the person who obviously knows very little about lab work outside a college class acts like she knows everything. However, my BF pointed out that while I go home all annoyed it sounds like she may be going home and saying, gee, I had a nice day at work today, everyone is so nice, etc, and although in some past situations I would disagree I think in this one at may be true. I really think she has no idea she comes off this way because in other ways she does not fit the "profile" of other people I know are conceited, and so I try to exert myself for the sake of the lab and not imagine throwing her into the river.
Posted by: The Hollywood Nun | October 18, 2007 at 04:53 PM
Actually yes - it was a doctor - he was filling in for my usual doctor who was on vacation. It was an absolutely strange experience - I came into the room and after exchanging a couple of words:
1. We BOTH knew that we were very unsympathetic to each other.
2. Each knew that he himself was unsympathetic to the other one.
3. Each knew that the other knew that you yourself was unsympathetic to him.
I had never experienced this before - or after.
It was just no use to keep on talking - whatever I was going to say, he would contradict me and the other way around and there was absolutely no logical reason for this; it was just lacking "chemistry".
Ok, thinking back to this occasion I remember that I considered him to be very high-handed while he obviously considered me stupid....
The consultation consequently did not last long and I chose to reappear when my ordinary doctor returned from his vacation.
Posted by: Greg Wischnewsky | October 18, 2007 at 03:01 AM
Yes, there is a guy where I work who I would pay money to see get eaten by an alligator, or trampled to death by a rhinoceros. He's maybe a bit younger than me (mid 30's), good looking, extroverted. He's the exact opposite of what I am. Everyone seems to like him (not that nobody likes me but this guy has an unusual number of friends, particularly good-looking women (hey maybe I just stumbled upon why I don't like him)). As Scott said about the guy he knows, he seems to be a good citizen and I'm sure tries to do the right thing, but I want to see him dead for some reason. I'm not usually like this but there's something about this guy I do not like. He comes across as a phony to me for some reason, and he probably is not, but that's the vibe I get. Gary
Posted by: Gary | October 14, 2007 at 06:09 AM
I feel this way about Goerge Walker Bush.
I haven’t thought about the shovel part, but I certainly dream about hitting him straight in the face as hard as I can with my bare knuckle.
Posted by: Pete | October 14, 2007 at 01:10 AM
I would take the opinion of all the people who say you are projecting your faults on to this loser with a grain of salt. Just because I abhor child molesters or skin heads doesn't that mean I secretly share some of their characteristics.
Also, I think that introverts tend to pick up on body language signals more than extroverts. Trust your gut.
Posted by: Barbara | October 12, 2007 at 06:36 PM
You shouldnt publish this type of thoughts with such a broad variety of readers, especially since many -way too many- Dilbert fans are nerdy white americans and social misfits...I guess you are aware of what this people is capable of when they think their "hero" is encouraging them
Posted by: Guso | October 12, 2007 at 04:10 PM
YES. That exactly describes a guy I work with. Luckily, he avoids me now, probably because I am inexplicably mean to him every time I talk to him. I really don't think badly of him or anything; his personality just triggers me to act mean towards him.
(Actually, I think he takes everything literally, and I'm a very sarcastic and (jokingly) rude person, though I'm actually very nice. He never gets it, and that drives me nuts and makes me actually mean to him.)
Posted by: Pam | October 12, 2007 at 01:07 PM
I think the "kill me" gene is overruled by the "Idiocracy" gene.
Posted by: Scott | October 12, 2007 at 11:11 AM
My best bet is it's subtle cues that you aren't consiously aware of, minor mannerisms or possibly even an odor too faint to register as such. Scents are hugely connected to emotions after all.
Posted by: The other Dan | October 12, 2007 at 09:24 AM
Of course I do, I think half of all intelligent male population and 100% of genius people (M&F) have a person like that. In my opinion, people like that are usually those with a certain satisfying degree of intellingence nevertheless never manage to have a strong opinion. It's not that they are worth killing, it's just that our intelligent and genius genes say "what a waist of brain, this must be stopped!"...
Posted by: Zoran | October 12, 2007 at 04:24 AM
Yes, I know you Dilbert !
Little joke :-)
Posted by: Chty | October 12, 2007 at 02:11 AM
I know this girl she's a friend of a friend and no one can stand her. She comes of as snobby at all times and constantly comes off as rude, however she doesn't intend to be. She just doesn't have the social sense of what is and is not appropriate. She's not mean or anything, just socially stupid. How she survived this far we'll never know.
Posted by: Kendra | October 11, 2007 at 11:46 AM
Definitely. A good friend of ours dropped by our house with a guy who seemed very normal, at least to my friend and my husband. My husband happened to be doing some minor repairs and mentioned he needed to run to the hardware store and our good friend offered to ride along. The guy offered to stay and keep working on the project, but my husband caught the look I was shooting him and demurred. After they left, I told my husband, "I don't ever want that guy in my house again and don't you EVER leave me alone with him." The vibes I was getting off the guy were like nothing I'd ever felt before - very malevolent. The guy eventually skipped town owing my friend and another acquaintance quite a bit of money.
Posted by: Barbara | October 11, 2007 at 09:02 AM
Know someone like this? I supervise someone like this! I'm his designated mentor! Arrgh! And shovels won't pass the security guards in my building so I'm left trying to use a spoon instead.
Posted by: Patbert | October 11, 2007 at 07:14 AM
Sounds like the kind of guy who snaps all of the sudden and guns down a room of people
Posted by: Nyaa | October 11, 2007 at 07:00 AM
Yes, I know what you mean. It is of course ironic that you say this stuff about will and then the next day start on the moist robots/no free will stuff. If I had no free will I would be forced to slap you up side the head with a rather large freshwater fish, but I can control myself...Really I can...
Posted by: Drsql | October 11, 2007 at 05:54 AM
Very Funny Post - We all have met them!
But being a boring scientist - have to say you screwed up again when you touch on science (I know you do it for effect, but you are confusing those DMs).
1)Characters are mainly caused by nurture not nature (his mother's fault) and
2)Evolution does work perfectly well - this guy is not going to spread his sperm around as well as an intelligent, well balanced guy like you. Right?
Posted by: David, Hungary | October 11, 2007 at 03:05 AM
I didn't think I'd ever had that reaction; then i remembered Justin Timberlake and I've never met him or even read/seen an interview, but just a picture of him in the newsagents or the first line of a song......... a shovel sounds great and I have no idea why.
Posted by: Sarah | October 11, 2007 at 02:54 AM
Is the person in this video this kind of guy?
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=563_1191275691
Greetings from Lithuania
http://tomas.liubinas.com
Posted by: Tomas Liubinas | October 11, 2007 at 01:44 AM
Yes, you.
Posted by: John | October 11, 2007 at 12:33 AM
you would assume that the other person would get 'this person wants to kill me' vibes. But these people are surprisingly immune to it. now thats evolution!!
Posted by: himanshu | October 10, 2007 at 10:25 PM
I am someone like that. It's definitely not any fun knowing that you're trapped on a planet with six billion people who either hate you or would if they met you.
Posted by: Ken | October 10, 2007 at 10:00 PM
Hello, I'm Mr. Killme. Just wanted to say, I don't give a damn what you think of me. I only care what I think of me.
Have a nice day.
Posted by: Mr. Killme | October 10, 2007 at 08:37 PM
"Hi, I'm Dylon and I'm probably the smartest sophomore you'll ever meet."
I want him dead. I've already convinced one of my Chinese friends to assassinate him.
Posted by: Hologram | October 10, 2007 at 07:01 PM
EVERYONE knows someone like that! THe shovel thing is hilarious!
I know just what you mean. There was a guy at work a few weeks ago I felt the same way. A nice guy, but every time he should his face I just wanted to jam my fist into it. Luckily, he got fired before I could act out my fantasy on him.
Posted by: dedhed52 | October 10, 2007 at 03:25 PM