There’s a guy I know, but not well. He’s polite and friendly. He’s average looking. He means well. As far as I can tell, he’s a good citizen. And yet, every time I see him, I want to beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in a shallow grave.
I don’t know why I have this feeling about him. It’s just chemistry. He doesn’t do a single thing wrong. He just gives off a strong “kill me” vibe. Out of curiosity, I checked with a friend, and I’m not the only one who feels this way about him. Ten seconds after he opens his mouth, you want him dead.
You would think evolution would have weeded out the “kill me” gene a long time ago. If evolution can’t handle an easy job like that, it’s got a lot of explaining to do, unless this guy can run unusually fast, or his skull is extra thick.
I know enough about this fellow’s life to know things aren’t working out for him professionally or personally. This is not a huge surprise. I feel sorry for him, although the pity is somewhat muted by the feeling of wanting to pound a railroad spike through his head.
Luckily, I have enough self-control to not attack him. But I do worry about running into him when I’m shopping at Shovels-r-Us. I’d hate to be testing out a new shovel for weight and balance when he walks around the corner. BUH-TANG!!!! And then he’d just stand there with his thick ol’ skull and his stupid smile, saying something like “You should be careful with that thing. That’s the third time today someone hit me with a shovel.”
Do you know someone like that?
I've always suspected those dudes who sport gigantic, lip-hiding cowboy moustaches are THOSE kind of people but have found a convenient work-around.
Posted by: Raskolnikov | October 10, 2007 at 03:14 PM
I interviewed a guy like that for a recurring temp job here. I bet he was harmless, and probably did have Aspie's/autism something, but even beyond that, he gave off Creepy Vibes five miles away. He was like that guy in Office Space with the stapler in the basement, but worse. He would have been fine for the job, but I literally did not want this man in my airspace. And told my boss that I did not want to hire him, and in fact, would feel terribly sorry for whoever he ended up sharing the cube (in that job, you do share a 2-person cube) with. While I don't think my other coworkers were as wigged as I was, in the end they didn't want to hire him either.
The sad thing was, he applied for the job again the next year, and my boss had to write some kind of formal justification explaining why we didn't interview him again when by rights, we should have. Uck.
Posted by: Jennifer | October 10, 2007 at 02:38 PM
My brother was dating a woman who my wife and I absolutely couldn't stand. It was just like you said, something that just made you want to push her off a cliff. I remember telling my wife one day after we had dinner with them "I can't believe no one has killed her yet." The funniest part is that she told us one time that HER FAMILY had staged a sort of intervention with her a few years back where they told her how irritating they thought she was.
Fortunately they broke up.
Posted by: Brain of J | October 10, 2007 at 02:29 PM
I like Rita, and anyone who doesn't is a nudnik.
Posted by: Alice in Wonderland | October 10, 2007 at 02:28 PM
>You would think evolution would have weeded out the “kill
> me” gene a long time ago.
Two thoughts:
- I doubt it's genetic. Does he generate the vibe from a still photograph or only when his mannerisms are seen? I suspect it's more likely to be his demeanour etc. See if you can meet some of his family - preferably direct and distant to try and determine whether it his nature or nurture.
- Assume it is genetic and the "kill me" gene is surviving evolution - we would also need to put aside the long time scales that evolution requires to do its work and that civilisation as we know it has yet to feed back in to the loop (i.e. the "kill me" gene may be on its last legs already). Therefore, we're assuming for this hypothesis that this gene is surviving evolution: it could be that the gene is a by-product of another gene or gene combination - one that is beneficial enough to survive the process of natural selection.
Posted by: Michael | October 10, 2007 at 02:27 PM
woohoohoo
i am back(like Ted)
was exercising impulse control(sure,not really,
there were some external circumstances which i in my best pre-buddha state could not overcome and surprisingly)
sooo, are you glad? have you missed me?
don't see any signs of missment though
such as laments, elegies, rhetorical questions sorta
what or where ARE you doing, thinking, contemplating etc
instead all are merry posts with a lot of t references or serious politico-economico-energy-diet related debate inducements
i see
http://fun.banjig.net/fpic.php?pic_id=1668
that guy?
Posted by: rd | October 10, 2007 at 02:19 PM
I knew a guy like that when I was in Boarding School. Nice guy, but for some reason I couldn't stand him. I didn't hide it. His friends knew that I didn't have any particular gripe against him, but that I couldn't stand him, anyway.
One wintery day I got a nosebleed (which happened sometimes, because I wasn't used to cold weather back then). It was a real mess and got all over my hands and face. So I told these guys that the blood was his -- that I was walking with him and just started beating the crap out of him because he wouldn't shut up. They totally believed me. It was pretty funny. Of course... I would never have actually hurt the guy. He was just too nice!
Posted by: Joshua Jacobsen | October 10, 2007 at 01:52 PM
You don't have to know someone like that. One can be on a bus, in a train, a queue or in a theatre, and absolutely HATE a complete stranger. I mean, be filled with contempt for them. This is based upon nothing at all. They may not have said anything, look OK, be dressed normally but just send off a vibe that says "I am unlikeable".
The interesting thing is, if you point this wretch out to a companion, they will usually feel the same way. It isn't many people that have this aura, maybe one person in two or three thousand, but Ye Gods! they must lead unfortunate lives.
Posted by: Bill Smoker | October 10, 2007 at 01:34 PM
Love your entry today.
Personally, I think most killing-instincts go way back to jealousy and getting rid of potential opponents.
But I felt once the same for someone who was really everything I never wanted to be. Still, to feel sorry for him would just have felt wrong. :)
Posted by: ray | October 10, 2007 at 01:18 PM
I *heart* you Scott
Posted by: Jean | October 10, 2007 at 11:46 AM
i know this type of person. he was my squad leader in the army for 3 years. if you just met him, you wouldn't think he was that bad of a guy, nothing glaringly wrong with him. as soon as he opened his mouth though, i wanted to take a rusty spoon and dig his heart of of his chest via the nasal cavity. i could have been at Disney world and in the middle of riding one of the rides, and this guy could still ruin my day. i would have been more than happy to pay for the plastic surgery to have his mouth surgically sealed forever.
Posted by: eric | October 10, 2007 at 10:48 AM
The unfortunate sociological fact is that somebody knows you when _they_ think they do.
And there's no disintroduction ritual.
Hence shovels.
Posted by: Ron Hardin | October 10, 2007 at 09:28 AM
It that why a bullet just lodged itself in the wall next to me?
Posted by: it's me | October 10, 2007 at 08:58 AM
Not really. I happened to meet that kind of people here and there, but I was lucky that I didn't have to be friendly or to do business with them. But my wife meets several of those leachy types as she works at the University.
Maybe that's a new thing and evolution didn't have the chance to kill it off before we invented "civilized behavior". Y'know the saying that every new generation is worse than the previous one - it might be some truth in that, don't you think?
Posted by: Borjan | October 10, 2007 at 08:40 AM
Don't we all know someone like that? I know at least three people that are well enough looking, friendly, intelligent, driven etc and yet whenever I see them I wish they were miles and miles away.
Posted by: Mona | October 10, 2007 at 08:16 AM
"Do you know someone like that?"
Sure do. I often wonder what keeps people from acting on those killing impulses - a personal decision that killing the person would be "wrong" when compared against one's own belief system, or a fear of punishment.
Posted by: Vis Major | October 10, 2007 at 07:53 AM
Seems to me that your reaction says more about you than him -
Posted by: bob | October 10, 2007 at 07:35 AM
Carrot top, especially since the steroids and botox
Posted by: Theresa | October 10, 2007 at 06:58 AM
Imagine if this person was your boss. Now you can begin to imagine what I went through for a good 2 years.
Posted by: Abdullah | October 10, 2007 at 06:45 AM
Like the blog. I know who fits that profile completely. My brother-in-law! God help me sometimes I love him and other times I just want to throttle him. Anyway, keep up the good work on Dilbert.
Posted by: darkbreed | October 10, 2007 at 06:38 AM
Got to work feeling really low today.
Two people hate me that don't even know me (Simon Peter and bbbd - you know who you are).
Had a great post made up in my mind. Was going to tell everyone I am too old, tired, and sick to go through this shit. Also, wanted to say I don't know Scott can take the negative postings. It would make me cry. But then, my Mom always said I was born with my bladder behind my eyes because they were always watering.
Then I read the rest of the postings and ALICORN said he/she (Scott, I don't have your powers to tell if a poster is male or female) said they liked me. And I read what NOBUDDY wrote and felt really good. Then JILL said maybe the person was depressed and put on a good face and gave off negative vibes.
Bingo! I'm back.
Take my negative vibes and shove them up your ass.
Rita Mae
Posted by: rita mae | October 10, 2007 at 06:36 AM
Ever heard of Autism and Aspergers?
I've noticed people on the autistic spectrum, because of the condition, have a hell of a hard time fitting in, from the cradle to the grave. The ones who aren't self-aware enough to notice that the rest of the world has a hard time adjusting to acomodate them - and let's be honest, half the time it doesn't make the effort - are doomed to be society's scapegoats and punchbags. They're significantly differnet enough to be noticeable, they're a magnet for morons, jerks and bullies to take their own inadequacies out of, and because they tend not to fight back, then whoopee, they catch it some more (as people predisposed to bullying tend to the cowardly - they only attack the perceived weak).
The self-aware autistic or Aspergers' person will go through this early toughening-up process, toughen up accordingly, and ask suitable questions like "Why do I stand out? What makes me different? What qualities do I need to learn and project so that I can appear to be one of them?"
A condition of autism is that the kind of socialising that most of us learn inately - we learn it without even thinking about it - has to be slowly, painfully, consciously learnt, later on in life, by the autist. This is often hampered by the autisitic person thinking "what a crock of shit, I can't believe people have to go through all this useless unproductive stuff to interact and get things done" (another word for "autistic" could be "engineer"?)
Therefore, however well the autistic person learns to fake normal social conditioning, body language, et c, to a normally enabled person it can still come over as "fake", acting out a scripted response, et c. Even if you don't consciously think this (and therefore responses of suspicion, threat, et c are aroused) you will pick up on the essential, though honestly meant, fakery at some subconscious level or other and react negatively.
So could it be that the "give him a face full of shovel" reflex many people have admitted to here is because they - and you Scott - are dealing with an autistic/Aspergers person who has learnt how to consciously fake normal social interaction so as to blend in - but they haven't quite got it 100% right?
For what it's worth, I can get VERY irritated with attractive women who are flirting with me - not because I'm a guy who's worth knowing in his own right, but because they want something out of me that will benefit them while impinging on my time and resources. I can get very irritated that they're faking interest in order to get something out of me - and they're insulting my intelligence, don't they think I haven't noticed, or does she think I'm so desperate for any sort of female attention that I'll put up with this demeaning debased stuff? (While I've been tmpted, I've refrained, but I can certainly see the attraction of a handy shovel. I'd like to think I'd never use it, but you never know!)
Posted by: Paul C | October 10, 2007 at 06:27 AM
Rita Mae: I like you just fine. There are many people who need to be voted off this blog, but you are not one of them.
--Stomper
Posted by: Stomper | October 10, 2007 at 06:19 AM
If people trained in economics are so well educated (and smart) why are they always so surprised by good economic news and always so clueless about our economy and life in general?
Posted by: Noah Vaile | October 10, 2007 at 06:14 AM
i think i might be that person
Posted by: sam gates | October 10, 2007 at 06:13 AM