May 2008

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Big Brown Bear

Funniest post in ages :) Just like Brokeback Mountain totally changed the way I look at the Marlboro adverts, I'll never look at those anti-drugs 'before and after' photos in the same way again.


So, where can you buy this serotonin?

Theresa Pranckevicius

Try keeping a straight face when you are speaking to someone who belongs to the Conservative Club and gives aromatherapy massages to guinea pigs (a true situation I found myself in. Unfortunately, my husband was unable to exercise quite as much self control and emitted a great bellow of laughter).


finally scott's getting back to something which he is actually good at..


Isn't there suppose to be an age limit to start getting orgasms? So do you mean to say that kiddies can pre-maturely start understanding orgasms? May be thats the advertising tactics from the retailers towards the kiddies. Smoke one, feel 50 :P

Mike S

Adam: I agree that not all drugs are equal in their impact. Alcohol and nicotine are hardly equivalent to heroin and crack.

But if noticing the way an ant walks or the way a cloud shifts its shape floats your boat, just stop and pay attention to it. No drug needed.

The reason drugs cause you to notice "the kinds of things you normally would pay no attention to" is that there are usually far more interesting things to pay attention to. Only when you've impaired your ability to perceive reality do such things take center stage.

If taking drugs is the only way you can notice things or increase perception, then you aren't trying very hard when you're sober.

jerry w.

A good way to scare kids straight would be a quick visit to this website:

Notice how the effects of years of drugs and alcohol are hard to miss.

Keep track of your nuts and your banana!

Dave Oblad

Great Blog Scott. I'm always having to keep my mouth zipped so I don't make a joke that is taken wrong.

What I really hate about the anti-drug movement is their Gestapo approach. Example: Some friends, who smoke pot, got ratted out by their own kids. Why? The kids got a seminar at school on the evils of pot and were told that, if they had seen any pot stuff around the home, like bongs and such, that their parents were sick and needed help.

So they ratted out their own parents, believing they were doing the right thing. Thus throwing everyone's life into a tizzy. Social services, forced intervention, foster parents, court and counseling appointments. Trying to get custody of their kids back. And these friends just used pot for recreation and had no real problems. Productive taxpayers and good people. The kids learned a great lesson.. you can't trust the Man!


As far as drugs are concerned, You name it and I've probably tried it. Especially back in the late sixties. I learned one thing.. You can't get addicted to any drug if you only use it one night per week. Usually Saturday night for me. Anyone remember the movie "Reefer Madness"? It was supposed to be a serious deterrent film regarding pot. They emphatically state that one puff makes you an addict for life. And they wonder why they have no credibility.

When in the Army, I used heroin everyday for 6 months. Why? It was part of belonging to a social group. We had a few groups to choose from. The Beer group, the Pot group, the Religious group, the Heroin group and the Athletic group.

I sampled each group and choose the Heroin guys. Why? Well.. the Religious group were talkative but idiots, the Pot group was too sedate, the Beer group was way far too violent and the Athletic group was too exhausting. That left only the Heroin group. They played cards and chess every night. Seemed like the smartest group of all the choices, with great conversations all the time.

I didn't partake of the heroin use at first, due to fear based on the crap I was taught all my life. First: the heroin was cheaper than cigarettes in Nam. Second: no needles, 100% pure. Just sniff or smoke it. So I tried it.. no intellectual downside. It simply made you really comfortable. No aches or pains. The only downside was a loss of appetite and the anticipated withdrawals that I expected when I wanted to stop someday. Six months.. everyday dosed. Then I decided to stop because I was losing too much weight. The withdrawals felt like having the flu for about a week. Not as bad as I expected. I still hung with those guys but stopped using until I left the army.

I started a career in electronics. Did Meth, on weekends for almost a year. Upside: I was a workaholic and very physical. I wanted to mow everyone's yard in the neighborhood, for free. Downside: I was having trouble restricting myself to weekends. So I just stopped all drugs for a long while.

Ten years into my electronics career I found life so stressful, I nearly burned out. I had insomnia, psoriasis, ulcers and asthma. Stress was worse than any drugs I ever took. Then someone turned me on to pot. I didn't like the stoned feeling but soon learned it passes with every night use. It wouldn't stone me, just relaxed and improved my attitude.

All the symptoms of stress vanished and I became very healthy. I was still climbing the career ladder and beating my competition. It didn't make me stupid, as I feared it might. Another myth blown away. I smoked pot every night for over ten years. These last few years, due to potential drug testing issues, I stopped smoking pot. All my stress related symptoms have now re-appeared. I wish they would legalize pot so I could become healthy again.

After many many years, my pot friends are all still going strong. My Boozer friends.. with burned out brains, all dead or dying. So why is pot illegal and booze is legal? I just don't understand this. Actually, I do.. it's just too stupid and complex for a simple explanation.

Just for the record; I don't recommend constant use of any recreational drugs with the possible exception of pot, and then, only through regulated intervals and doses, like when your ready to relax each night. The downside of pot, if overused, is mostly laziness or smoking so much that it becomes nearly equal to being drunk (stoned). Actually, getting stoned is not easy for a regular user. You pot smokers out there know what I mean.

Funny and very clever Blog Scott. Your sense of humor is amazing. I'm sorry about my soapbox stance here. Very best regards from Dave :^)

Ps. I understand if you choose not to print this due to lenght or other concerns.


Finding humor in inappropriate places is one of my biggest downfalls. A few years ago I had to attend a seminar on workplace violence. The speaker was an ex-cop, ex Navy Seal, ex CIA, you get the idea. He was so full of himself and wanted to impress us with his amazing feats of bravery and derring-do. I nearly lost it when he told us that the worst cast of workplace suicide was when some guy jammed 24 pens and pencils in his eyes. Did he do it one by one or by the fistfull? Were they pre-sharpened? My head just about exploded thinking these things and I snorted out a stifled laugh just when every one was gasping in horror. How could he even fit that many in that tiny space? After the seminar was over, I just had to figure out the math to see if it was even possible. Even given the variables such as eyeball displacement , etc. I figured that only Sailor Moon could possibly accomplish such a feat.

Tim Martin

The guiding light in my life all my life is simply trying not to say offense but funny things. History and my position in it changes yet the quarrel remains the same. What I would say in a free society and how I better not say such things. Net result? don't take calls, don't appear in public, won't schedule meetings. I love email. You get a chance to both say (write) it and not say (delete) it before hitting send. In real life you gotta do one at the expense of the other. In a police state you better not blink or flinch while patronizing their wildest dreams of compliance.


omg... sooooooooo worth it!!! (but then, im the target audience anyway, 17 years old, upper middle class)

D. Mented

The thing I don't get is the women who take meth "to look good".
Yes, it makes you thin, but in a way that isn't just sickly, it's diseased.
I absolutely can NOT understand any woman looking at a long time meth addict and thinking "now THAT'S what I want to look like!"
Thin, greasy, stringy hair, scabby face, cracked nails, rotting teeth, loose skin, grey complexion - to me they look like Halloween movie extras, but some women can only see "look how THIN they are!"
I'll keep my fatass just the way it is, thank you.
D. Mented


HOLY CRAP! Meth actually turned one of those women into a red head! Never...touching...meth.

Flong Yurdong

So sorry for poor American quality drugs. We soon have good meth give you 100 orgasm. You orgasm long time.


80,000 oragsms. fucking classic

Roberto (mexico)

I wonder, can you buy serotonin somewhere? Maybe that is what the drug lords consume themselves, they don't sell it because they want it all. It may not even have side-effects.

G. H. Diel

Survey of Reality--Which are you?

Before I was born--but that is not an entirely accurate portrayal of the state--it is more like: I observed without eyes an infinite field of black with infinite equally spaced points of light in every dimension, and I was one of those points.

And the ‘Voice’ said to me, “You are about to be created into a world known as ‘Earth’. My children on this world have disregarded my warnings and eat daily of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and, therefore, you also will have limits, but you will have free will, a gift fought over for its pleasures by both gods and man.

Now, you have a choice to make as you enter the reality of Earth. You may chose one or the other state of being, but not both.

The two states are:

1. Weak

2. Stupid

It is your choice alone. If you choose not to participate, please return to end of the line.

What is your choice?

Weak or, stupid?

What will it be?


I'm hoping that the drug lecturer managed to point out, among the 80,000 orgasm references, that what that 50x serotonin does is reprogram the meth-user's brain such that meth becomes The Most Important thing in the meth-user's life, more important than their love for their kids, more important than any/all of their relationships, more important than their life goals, more important than their morals, values, integrity, etc..

It also reinforces whatever brain-fart thought that crosses their minds, so that every piece of nonsense ends up being believed with Absolute Certainty and unshakable conviction. This, naturally, leads to insanity, sooner or later, after an alarming plummet of their IQ.

I had the misfortune of renting a spare bedroom to a friend of a friend who tried meth while living in my house. Within a month she stopped paying rent, within two months she was lying to her mom to get money for meth (telling her it was back-rent). Within three months she had no morals left that I could see, and I managed to kick her out of my house, hoping never to see her again.

I hope nobody sees that "80,000 orgasms" thing and thinks that they can just try it once and have the self-discipline to quit after that one time. The first thing that meth does is make the person think that trying meth was The Best Idea that they ever had, times 50. Try it once, and there's no power on earth that can convince you otherwise. Rock bottom keeps getting redefined, every time you use it, whatever you had to do to get your most-recent fix becomes automatically acceptable, times 50.

One of the other friends of the friend was her ex-boyfriend (also the guy who introduced my former roommate to meth). He went from owning a small independent film studio to being completely broke in three years. Last I'd heard of him, he was dressing in drag trying to sell sexual favors on the street to gays. He wasn't gay, himself, but apparently the attraction of meth was such that he felt performing oral sex on guys was worth the fix.

The irony of this is that meth ends up burning-out that part of your brain where you feel the pleasure from sex, so once you do enough meth, you can't feel any pleasure from sex anymore. You also can't feel much pleasure from meth, either, but you can't quit, because you can still feel the anguish of withdrawl.

Sorry, but meth isn't funny to me.


WOW - your comments section is becoming a confessional!


I wonder how many violent crimes happened while said cop was playing the price is right with a dime bag....


Most of those photos are obviously staged. Look closely at the eyes of each photo. The spotlights reflected in them are almost always postioned exactly the same, as if they were all photographed in the same session.

Chris Ulmer

Diane W wrote: "I agree that your post is funny, but there is no selling point to meth." I'm guessing she's never tried meth. Someone please tell me I'm wrong.

Cathy D.

I have broken capillaries all over my face from trying to stifle myself at various school and other official functions for 25 years. I don't look so good, but damn I've had a good time at the most boring events.

Aditya Simha

This was the most hilarious post ever! Fabulous!

That is so true - I've noticed that too, in lectures about sensitive topics (like say sexual harrasment, or drug usage) the audience members all act like concerned dummies with no expressions whatsoever. Everyone probably thinks, "Oh no! I'm not fidgeting!"

800000 orgasms sound like a fair exchange in return for rotting teeth and psycho-violent temperament.


The local police used to put these shows on at my school back in the seventies. I know of a great many kids that wouldn't have even been aware of the different drugs that would become available once they reached junior high. I think they just enticed them to experiment. Way to go Sparky!

When are we going to stop this madness and let natural selection run its course? The alcohol is killing me and those damn kids won't sell me weed.

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