One of the services I provide to hetero male readers of this blog is teaching you how to obtain sex from women who are too good for you. To that end, I scour the Internet looking for scientific articles that can give you an edge. Recently, I found a doozy.
Research has shown that the part of your brain in charge of self-control is a common resource that helps you avoid any kind of temptation. Using that part of the brain to resist one sort of temptation essentially tires it out, making it harder to resist other forms of temptation. In other words, BUHWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
http://www.world-science.net/othernews/071011_self-control.htm
Let’s bring this research into the real world and see how it holds up to the rigors of anecdotal observations. Consider the process of buying a car. Once you find a car that activates your purchase lust, and you negotiate for a few hours, the self-control resources in your brain are worn down, even if you held out for a good deal. That’s why it is so easy for the sales person to tack on invisible rust inhibitors and insurance against locust attack. That fits the theory well.
I recommend hanging around car dealerships and trying to score with women who are walking from the showroom to their new cars. Those women are completely out of self-control. With a little bit of game, you should be able to slip your key in the ignition before she does.
You should also date women who are on diets. Half of your work has been done for you by Haagen-Dazs. But just to be safe, bake some brownies and leave them on a plate at your home. When you get back to your place say, “Sorry about the heavenly scent of freshly baked brownies. I would offer you one but I only made enough for the ‘Save the Puppies’ fundraiser tomorrow. So don’t you dare sneak one while I am slipping into something more comfortable.”
A-a-a-and, you’re in.
If the target of your affection is a student, try making your moves after she has finished studying. That should be the best time because she resisted other forms of distraction while she studied. Her self-control will be running on fumes. Go!
I’m guessing that many of you men have made the mistake of giving women whatever they want, hoping it will make you more likeable. According to the research, that just makes it easier for women to resist you. The better approach is to tease women with things they desire but prefer to resist, until their resources for resistance are worn out. Then you strike, like a cobra, but smaller and stiffer.
Can you think of any other strategies using this theory?
so, does your wife belong to a religious order that believes laughing is a sin?...or did you take her to a movie about seal clubbings with your pet baboon that could 'smell weakness'? ---(i say this all tongue in cheek, lest you think i'm just being an ass; this blog is awesome, and you are hilarious) :D
Posted by: Mikey | December 02, 2007 at 11:00 PM
Lent & Ramadan.
Posted by: adora | November 03, 2007 at 07:47 PM
Ha ha, roflmao, that has got to be one of the funniest post I've read this week. "Smaller and stiffer". :-) I think the best way to pick up women is actually being yourself. Talking and conversation are the number one ways. Hey if your not a great conversationalist find another way to get the girls attention. Be creative but above all be "nice" and truthful. Nice guys don't finish last...until then good luck!
Posted by: M E | October 23, 2007 at 10:06 PM
I can`t give you any hints. I`m an average guy who doesn`t know how to pick up a girl. I admire you all experts :)
Posted by: Appfunds | October 21, 2007 at 02:18 PM
"Then you strike, like a cobra, but smaller and stiffer"
Smaller? Who are you refering to?
Posted by: anaconda | October 17, 2007 at 11:27 AM
I'm sure this has been brought up repeatedly in the posts before mine, but the key here is 'temptation'. If the woman isn't at least somewhat tempted to begin with, then lowering resistance isn't going to help. I can be on a diet, at a Jag dealership, and have a clear opportunity to kick George Bush in the balls, but that still wouldn't get my resistance low enough to want to touch the troll in QC. Now if I were also drunk, slipped some good drugs, watched a few Clooney movies and the troll was covered in low-cal chocolate syrup, that might lead to a night I'd want to forget.
Posted by: Diana W | October 17, 2007 at 11:14 AM
"Then you strike, like a cobra, but smaller and stiffer."
If that was in a movie I would have had to rewind and watch that part again.
Posted by: Nostok | October 17, 2007 at 04:18 AM
Well that "nag the Mum" (sorry - if you are American think "Mom") stuff doesn't work on me. My 3 critters (now teenagers)gave up because I used the "don't ask me again, I've already said "no" so if you ask me again its just making me angry" line on them when they were toddlers. By the time they were at preschool they knew to only ask me once.
Much like my attitude to salesmen, really - if they nag I just end up angry & stomp away.
That tactic wouldn't have worked with me when i was single either!
Posted by: KiwiMum | October 16, 2007 at 07:17 PM
Nah, I say bullshit; lack of self-control isn't the main obstacle. The more important part is getting women horny and wanting you, which is difficult if they're irritated from resisting things all day.
Alcohol is so effective because we look prettier AND they have less control.
I say there is a corollary here: reduction in sex drive is also proportional to and concomitant with reduction in self-control caused by resisting things.
Posted by: TallDave | October 16, 2007 at 03:45 PM
>>"What's wrong with being genuine and sincere? Needing to >>play games is a sign of something seriously being wrong.
>>Posted by: Athena "
>Because for some reason that I *really* don't understand, >the good guy gets kicked to the kerb BEFORE anything good >gets going. OK, you kicked the bad guy out but only AFTER >he got several bases along.
>Don't ask me why this works, but the nasty guys get it and >the good guys are considered "good friends". A decent >example of this (though the ending never happens outside >hollywood) in action is in Roxanne with Steve Martin.
posted by Mark
Mark, let me 'splain something to you: the "nasty guy" is good looking, thus can get away with nasty behavior and doesn't really care if he gets this particular girl. You, on the other hand, are not.
Posted by: techguy | October 16, 2007 at 12:29 PM
So the theory is that will be *tempted* by the prospect of having sex with someone so unattractive that they have to resort to trickery to get a mate?
Posted by: Mark | October 16, 2007 at 12:07 PM
Nice Dudes: After reading your posts, it's clear to me why you need Scott to be your wing man.
There are plenty of nice, smart, funny, and pretty women out there beating off the trolls on a daily basis, waiting for someone genuine to step up. (At least where I live.)
Problem is, you nice guys never talk to us. You're too busy being sexless friends with the Drama Club President and waiting for her to wise up and let you rescue her. And then when that doesn't happen, you get all bitter. Charming.
But it can happen. I know because I'm a good wing girl and provide this service to my friends. Get your female friends on the job - you can be hooked up faster than you think.
If not, learn how to bake those brownies. Then steal her shoes. :)
Posted by: Real Live Girl | October 16, 2007 at 09:08 AM
An example of this tactic working: a harried mother in a grocery store with small child(ren) in tow.
"Please mom?"
"No."
"Please mom?"
"No."
(repeat until...)
"Please mom?"
[pained sigh]
"All right, fine. Just be quiet in the car on the way home, okay?"
Although speaking from personal experience, sometimes resisting temptation all day and then being hit on by some jackass in a bar will simply decrease my inclination to be polite when I shoot him down. I don't really respond well to pressure tactics, which is why I haven't bought a car in twelve years.
Posted by: Electric Maenad | October 16, 2007 at 09:00 AM
This discussion reminds me of an argument I once came up with for the defence of atheism:
If God exists... then why doesn't semen taste exactly like Kahlua?
Posted by: broacher | October 16, 2007 at 08:23 AM
This post is hands down one of the funniest I have read on your blog to date. Well done. I laughed out loud for a while.
Posted by: Kim | October 16, 2007 at 08:14 AM
The Ladder Theory @ http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Posted by: Laremy | October 16, 2007 at 08:14 AM
"Excellent and very funny post. There's one problem with this hypothesis: WOMEN AREN'T TEMPTED BY SEX.
Posted by: Vidizer "
Um, in a word: Bollocks.
There are a lot fewer differences between men and women than women had hoped for.
Posted by: Mark | October 16, 2007 at 08:13 AM
Hmmm,
Scott you really are good....
Accolades!!
That being said, it seems that wearing down my resistance makes me stay, whereas when I want to be ignited it just happens.... perhaps I've shed that constraint....
I like where neopolitan is coming from... where is that exactly? After this relationship wears me down to nothing maybe i'll go there....
Posted by: mizveggie | October 16, 2007 at 07:26 AM
Yay! the resurrection of the Penis joke! I am 43 very attractive funny and smart. I'd pay good money to have a somewhat-attractrive man wear me out-into-sex.
Posted by: Dawn | October 16, 2007 at 06:30 AM
Scott, you do drop turd when it comes to science, but this post is immoderately outrageously hilarious, with just the right dose of plausibility to make it my favourite post by you in recent times. Rock on!
Posted by: Admirer | October 16, 2007 at 06:29 AM
It worked so many times, and didn't even know why!
Posted by: Dmitry Z | October 16, 2007 at 05:30 AM
Happened to be re^n-reading Douglas Adams (a distant cousin, I believe ;) ) at this time.
"... caught me off my guard. I was fighting so strenously against doing one thing that it easily tripped me into another -"
And a little later,
"... demonstrated the power of post-hypnotic suggestion to you... You can be made to do all kinds of absurd things, and will then cheerfully invent the most transparent rationalisations to explain them to yourself..."
Posted by: mbutu | October 16, 2007 at 05:29 AM
"What's wrong with being genuine and sincere? Needing to play games is a sign of something seriously being wrong.
Posted by: Athena "
Because for some reason that I *really* don't understand, the good guy gets kicked to the kerb BEFORE anything good gets going. OK, you kicked the bad guy out but only AFTER he got several bases along.
Don't ask me why this works, but the nasty guys get it and the good guys are considered "good friends". A decent example of this (though the ending never happens outside hollywood) in action is in Roxanne with Steve Martin.
Posted by: Mark | October 16, 2007 at 05:07 AM
"...I think that's how religion thrives though. They get you to deny things that are the basic necessities in life, like sex ..
Not now though, I'm atheist and proud of it!
BTW: I'll give it a try Scott, all's fair in love and war, right!? Muhwawahahaha~!..."
Posted by: J
Too bad, J, 'cause I prayed, and got me a hot woman who likes sex without being tricked into it, and we've been married 21 years now. But, hey, if you're an ugly atheist, do what you gotta do, buddy...
Posted by: Steven McDaniel | October 16, 2007 at 04:18 AM
Excellent and very funny post. There's one problem with this hypothesis: WOMEN AREN'T TEMPTED BY SEX.
Well, they could be tempted a lil' bit on occasion but as far as hard statistics are concerned, they are not. What's worse, they are especially NOT tempted to have sex with your average readers (me included).
Your theory might work big time for GOLD DIGGERS though. To sum up: if you have eyes on a rich dude that's proving temptation-resistant, take him to a Victoria Secret show. Or, go with him to a Ferrari dealership (for a test drive or something). Once his defenses are down (and the cobra's up), go for it.
Posted by: Vidizer | October 16, 2007 at 04:14 AM