Happiness Smoothing

When you see people who are struggling in life, you probably feel an urge to help. You might talk yourself out it, because you have your own problems, or you don’t know how to help in any lasting way, or there are just too many people in need. But you have the urge to help those less fortunate. It’s in your DNA. You’re good people.

On the flip side, when you see people who are happier than you, your natural urge is to guide them back to the average. For example, if you have a coworker who breezes through his own workload and uses the spare time to enjoy himself, your natural impulse is to ruin his day by dumping some of your work on him. You call it “teamwork,” and there’s no denying it boosts productivity, but that’s not your motivation. At some fundamental human level, you want the people who are happier than you to dial it back a notch. It’s in your DNA. Sometimes you’re not good people.

In my corporate career, I had a happy coworker who taught me how to defend against this tendency in others to thwart the happiness around them. With people he trusted, he revealed his happiness, and flaunted the fact that his job was easy and stress free. But when anyone outside the inner circle approached, he started complaining like a pirate caught in a steel trap. He had lots of old-timey phrases like “up to my ass in alligators” and “stomping out fires” and “slogging through the swamp.” To hear him tell it, life was one long turd sandwich. Each misery led to the next. He would keep it up until the threat of teamwork passed. By the time he was done with you, all you wanted to do was help this poor bastard any way you could. I was slow to adopt this method, but soon learned it was the only way to protect my little nugget of happiness. It was a godsend.

For the first six years of my cartooning career, I kept my full-time job at the phone company. I told people it was for the money, or the stimulation, or the fodder. Those factors were important, but the main reason was to disguise my happiness. I knew that if did nothing but happily doodle for a few hours every day, and got paid, the thwarters would come out in droves. I told people I worked seven days a week, and every holiday (which was true), but it wasn’t as painful as it sounds. It turns out that as soon as you don’t need to be working for financial reasons, the stress of your job dissolves, and it starts feeling a lot like a hobby.

In retrospect, I think my perceived pain is what helped make my first book, The Dilbert Principle, a #1 best seller. It was a humorous book about my workplace unhappiness, and people reflexively wanted to help lift me up to the average happiness. so they bought my book. The book got great reviews, but there are plenty of good books that don’t become best sellers. My story had just the right amount of pain to put people on my side.

Lately, as a semi-famous cartoonist, it has become harder to appear unhappy to others. 99.99% of the world would switch jobs with me if they had the chance. Now the most common comment I get when I mention my new book on this blog is “Aren’t you rich enough already?” My perceived happiness is working against me. Humans aren’t wired to make happy people happier. We’re wired to bring happy people back to the average.

With that in mind, I have modified my marketing for my new book. First, I should point out that researchers have discovered that people’s happiness has a “set point” that doesn’t change much no matter the external circumstances. So buying my book won’t make me any happier in the long run. (I’m fairly certain that’s true.)

Second, consider what happens with every dollar that goes to me at this point in my life. I live an embarrassingly modest lifestyle. No yachts, no second homes. I dress like a blind hobo most of the time. My biggest extravagance is using a new can of balls twice a week when I play tennis. So an extra dollar for me will help fund the 401K for some guy who puts the fuzz on Dunlop tennis balls. (That’s an actual job.)

At this point in my life, realistically, every incremental dollar I make will flow to fellow citizens who would otherwise be below the average happiness level. I have enough money for my own purposes, unless I start buying golden slippers for the cat. So rest assured that if you buy my book, STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN! your money will not contribute to my happiness in the least. But it will flow through me and indirectly help a wide variety of wretched souls who are below average in happiness. You could give money to the needy directly, but then you wouldn’t have my book to read. You deserve a little something for your kindness.

I pay the maximum tax rate. I have no mortgage deductions, no tax shelters. Over 40% of my earnings go to fund your Social Security, provide valuable services for children and the elderly, and make our men and women in uniform safer. But if you don’t think any of those people deserve more happiness, just forget I brought it up.

Did that work?

Book link:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591841852?ie=UTF8&tag=dilbertcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1591841852

Comments

[Rebecca]

Well, there is relief in laughing about something that is irritating to you. And since you captured the workplace so well, you have offered a tremendous amount of relief from just that first book!

[listo comics]

ok, ok, i buy it

[Phil Donahew]

I make more money than most of my friends and family and I have noticed that when I am unhappy it seems to be less real to them than it used to be. I'm glad I am not alone in noticing this phenomenon. The song "We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful" by Morrissey comes to mind.

[Neha]

Sounds like you're begging for people to buy your book. I thought you were more popular than to need to do that!

Anyway, I'd rather buy a book which helped all those other people you mentioned and also helped the guy who wrote the book, and since you dont need that, its a pass from me :D

[Darren]

I bought the book. Ordered it from Amazon the day you flogged it in the DNRC newsletter.
Some of the most entertaining stuff I've read in a while.
My wife constantly asks me what so funny about when I'm reading bits in the evening.
It was bought to make you happy.

I bought it because it seemed exceptionally likely that the content would be closer to the content in the newsletter which is frequently more entertaining than your actual cartoon because of your ability to cover a wide breadth of a topic than is possible in three panels and the 6-8 sentence fragments than can be fit into a cartoon.

[Zubair Hasan]

You write amazingly well sir. I learn a lot reading your blog. Thank you :)

[Nicole]

When I see people who are much happier than I am, I feel as though I have nothing valuable to give to them. If you have nothing useful to give to someone who's already happy, it can be like you don't even exist or aren't important. When the happy person leaves the room, you exist again.

But it's only certain types of happy people who make me feel this way. Some happy people are the "you don't exist" types. But other people's happy vibes are different - they're happy, and the good feelings just spread around the whole room and everybody's welcome.

[Sreeram]

Still waiting for the pirated copy of your book to hit the streets.. I will definitely pick up one of those. :)

[James]

Your job is to make people happy. You made me happy by thinking that you were sad because you aren't doing your job right. Eh, you can now be happy know that. Also, I feel bad about stealing your book now, so I'm going to read a little bit of it to cheer myself up again.

[Jess]

But Scott, I don't buy your books to make you happy. I buy them to make ME happy :p

Nice spin, however. I respect your methods :p

[CubicleAnimal]

Hey Scott,
Did you post this post a while ago, especially the "happy coworker" part, or am I dreaming?

[Simon]

Apparently, I'm a bad person.

[Joe Blow]

I would be very interested in the economics of such a book. Things like time to market, costs, margins, profits, profiteers, who has what influences. Perhaps you're willing to spend some time in the blog on that one of these days.

What does one need to do to get you to endorse or do the preface/intro of a book? Perhaps to get you to cowrite/publish? Nothing like a completed book where you just add your name to it to make a few bucks. Hell it could even be a good book. Is there (lots) money in that?

Thank you for your consideration,
JB

[Bill Tkach]

Why don't you just make it one of those "30% of the profits of this book will go to help furless lemurs in the Arctic" campaigns. People eat that stuff like melted chocolate on a ice cream Popsicle. (why does that sound dirty?)

Speaking of furless lemurs, I'm sure you could work that in with the seal clubbing. I mean, we need to club those seals up here in Canada, otherwise they'd take over. But we could make nice little lemur coats out of that spotlessly white fur. Paints a pretty picture eh? Thousands of furless lemurs, running towards the edge of a cliff, wearing these bar-star poofy white jackets?

[Steve]

// But you have the urge to help those less fortunate //

I don't. I mean, I don't really have the urge to drag them down, either, but when it comes to strangers? No urge to help. Might feel bad for them if they seem like decent folks, but I've got more than enough of my own problems.

When it comes to happy people, it's only the dicks who've screwed me over that I want to drag down, and I don't just want them to be "average happy," I want them to suffer in abject misery, as much as possible.

What's that do to your theory now? :)

[The (Amazing) Gimme A Buck Guy]

This post reminds me of the article I wrote about how giving me your money will actually help stimulate the world economy:

http://www.gimmeabuck.com/articles/currency_tutorial.html

So far, I think you're happiness level might be a little more then mine, although perhaps one day I'll reach the same plateau.

Cheers!

[Muthu Ramadoss]

You are the best. But I'm still not buying it. Its too much of a trouble for me living in chennai, ordering from amazon.

May be, just may be if and when i walk my local book store and the monkey brain catches my eye.. I might buy it. Just for you, just for this post :)

[Pender]

Totally agree with you on the average happy idea. I hate listening to overly cheerful people at work, mostly because I hate my job. I also enjoy the look they get on their faces when they are given an assload of meaningless work. I keep my happiness to myself to avoid the same fate thus maintaining my level of happy unchecked.

To be honest though, I don't think about the author's happiness when I buy books. I think about my happiness in owning said book. Call me selfish.

As to your book, I'd consider buying it if they had it at my local bookstore. I like to peruse before I buy, and Amazon doesn't give you enough of a glipse.

I hope you decided to omit from your book the postings from your "fans" that go on about how your a capitalist pig, and that you should pay THEM to read your blog/comic/book. Who needs to read that drek?

[Backpacking on Little Money]

Hi Scott,

This is the kind of stuff that nobody posts, and it's the best single piece of advice I've learned in the past three or five years. I'm buying a dozen of your books now. Thank you.

[Steven McDaniel]

Thankyou for your navel gazing ad

[WATYF]

HAHA... wow... I can't believe I do this and didn't even know it. The truth is, I love my job... it's extremely stress-free, I have loads of down-time, I get to do something I enjoy (and would actually do in my free-time), and my coworkers are all nice to me (because they all know they'll need me for something at some point).

...but whenever someone walks up to my desk or calls and asks what's up, I just go on about how swamped I am and how it's just one problem after another and how I can't wait to get out of here and blah blah blah. I've never really thought about exactly why I do that... maybe just to fit in with what people in corporate America expect of casual office conversation... maybe to dissuade people from asking me to do more... but whatever my reasons were subconsciously... apparently they were good ones.

Outside of work, I'm constantly "bragging" about how I've got such a cake job and what not, but I've never, ever thought of telling any of my coworkers that. Now I'll be sure never to tell *anyone* how much I enjoy my job... that could ruin everything. :o)

[Zach]

Sorry Scott, but I only pay for things that go to people who increase their happiness by spending frivolously. In fact, I base my decision on who to give money to (in your case, buying a book, or traveling the 10 miles to eat at stacey's) on whether or not I will later get unexpected entertainment out of it.

For example, I buy albums and go to concerts for rock stars who I think will OD or be killed in some interesting and/or creepy way. If they're likely to have a tour bus covered in syphilis (trying to) follow a Lamborghini from venue to venue all the better. From everyone else whose music I like I just copy my friend's cd, or download it.

In your case I can read this stuff for free, and the articles you post now are as good (or better) than what's in the book. Even better, I get to see people misinterpret and get angry over some hypothetical idea you don't even care about. So start injecting the crack rock or whatever it is the kids are doing these days and you'll reap great rewards. People love that sort of thing.

[WATYF]

HAHA... wow... I can't believe I do this and didn't even know it. The truth is, I love my job... it's extremely stress-free, I have loads of down-time, I get to do something I enjoy (and would actually do in my free-time), and my coworkers are all nice to me (because they all know they'll need me for something at some point).

...but whenever someone walks up to my desk or calls and asks what's up, I just go on about how swamped I am and how it's just one problem after another and how I can't wait to get out of here and blah blah blah. I've never really thought about exactly why I do that... maybe just to fit in with what people in corporate America expect of casual office conversation... maybe to dissuade people from asking me to do more... but whatever my reasons were subconsciously... apparently they were good ones.

Outside of work, I'm constantly "bragging" about how I've got such a cake job and what not, but I've never, ever thought of telling any of my coworkers that. Now I'll be sure never to tell *anyone* how much I enjoy my job... that could ruin everything. :o)

[Arthur]

It worked!!I felt an urge to open the link!

[David MacMillan]

This theory only works on people who are inherently depraved and enjoy seeing other people suffer.

Wait - that's the vast majority of unregenerate human beings.

Good luck!