Man Marries Dog

I know I’ve been typecast because a hundred people sent me a story about a man in India who married a dog to atone for his past mistakes.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071113/ap_on_fe_st/india_man_weds_dog

A number of things struck me about this wedding. I shall start with the most obvious jokes first.

The report was quick to mention that the dog is female. That was a relief because allowing a man to marry a gay dog would be a slippery slope. And obviously a gay dog doesn’t need some cursed Indian dude to lick his balls for him. I mean, not if he wants it done right. Gay Indian dogs have standards too.

I was happy that the dog wore a sari. There is nothing more disturbing than a naked dog getting married. If this arranged marriage works out, I suppose the dog will start wearing stretch pants, because love means never having to say “Where’s your sari?”

Damn, that hurt just typing it.

The report didn’t mention whether the marriage was consummated or not. But I have to think the curse isn’t lifted until the relatives who are gathered around the hut on the wedding night hear “Take it, bitch!”

This wedding was recommended by an astrologist. The report says people in rural parts of India are deeply superstitious. One wonders how that conversation went:

Astrologist: “Well, Mr. Selvakumar, Jupiter is in Mars, so in order to lift your curse, you need to marry a stray dog.”

Selvakumar: “How much of the curse can I lift by just going to third base?”

I could go on, but I run the risk of saying something offensive.

Comments

[Bill Nixon]

I know a lot of ppl from India here in america, and this story really doesn't suprise me.

[Cyrus Uible]

That's too funny. I might consider marrying a dog...but only for companionship.

Cyrus
http://ChristmasEveryWeek.com
(Giving stuff away for free)

[Maja Leibovitz]

I hope he doesn't go to Taco Bell, his wife might get jealous...

[A]

It all began w/ gay which is all perversion. What does society consider normal these days? Sickening.

[AS]

Umm,
Before everyone laughs at the "man marrying dog" story and the superstition of folks in rural India, maybe we should first take a good look at ourselves

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22224584-2,00.html

A piece of sludge sells for $1800 on e-bay cause people think it is Jesus. Now if this how people in the educated and powerful US think,what do we expect poor rural folks in India to think? We all live in glass houses,gentlemen stop throwing stones.

[Bug]

I have heard that superstitious people in India whose horoscope "says that their first spouse would die young" tie the knot with a plant & chop it off immediately before their wedding.

I would guess this is a similar case of performing the rituals with the dog in place of the bride & doing nothing else. In other words, the dog won't live in with the guy, and there is mostly no sex involved.

BTW these rituals aren't legal marriages in India as some posters believe.

[Venkat]

@T.G:
"... Muslims, Hindus, etc sound alike in their fanatism."

...if you are not a conservative nutcase, you are an enigma!

[Joseph Dispensa]

Ok ok... No one seems to see the obvious here. Make this a "Made for TV Movie" ::shudder:: and the truth comes out!
The man involved wanted this outcome all along. The dogs he killed were more than likely lovers of his now wife... he was only removing the competition like any stalker does.

If he had started out by seeing... "How in the world can I end up married legally to a dog?"
It is something that more than likely would have been frowned upon.
However now after his cleaver scheming, late night stalking and playing frisbee in the park with the "other dogs" to gain their trust... Then BANG!
It all looks like he was just a sad, confused angry man that now must atone for his crimes.

Then of course... at the end of the last 5 minutes as the man confesses his crimes to an unknown puppy pal of his down at the local pub... the small pooch next to him pulls out a gun and shoots the man... claiming " You killed my Paw!"

[Vikram]

that's a funny one alright.

i was in the US for 6 months last year and saw that the only coverage on US news channels on India was mostly a program on stuff from aruond the world.. and it'd show a festival where people dance dressed as tigers or naked sadhus or something. they even missed a US dignitaries visit to India (imp at the time I forget what it was now).

incidentally this dog news got much less coverage in indian newspapers than on the bbc site or this blog.

i'd hate your post and your blog for this post, but i won't.. for the same reasons that i would have hated seinfeld for making fun of india in one episode (totally) but i don't:
1 - both of you make fun of everyone else equally.. seinfeld made fun of the disabled, mute, retarded, deaf, postmen, writers, latvia orthodoxes etc etc
2 - for us i know it'll take time to overcome the image that your media pushes.

there are more reasons probably.. but for now thanks for a good post (again)

[Ender]

u shud read rant by palahniuk...

[ink miami tattoo]

If this poor Indian dude gets pissed at his wife - I don't know, maybe for messing the rug yet again - he had best watch it and not use the classic, "Bite me bitch!". The results might be - shall we say - unpleasant?

[ink miami tattoo]

So did the happy couple do it doggie style?
I guess that's what he gets for saying he needed to get some tail...
Life's a bitch and then you marry one.

Of course there's also numerous puns you could make about 'puppy love'

[NS]

com'on give us a break;what has happened is not normal in India.there is deep superstition which runs through the ethos of the country-this is by way of explanation and in no way an attemt to justiy what the poor canine would have been subjected to.

[Nishant Jain]

its absolutely ridiculous the kind of superstition that makes a man do such a thing. in the name of religion and all that.

but its also interesting to see how ignorant americans stay about so many things indian. your comment section is a good showcase of that.

we should remember that india is a country of a billion plus people. more than half of them are uneducated. uneducated people in impoverished villages and a horrible standard of living have nothing to keep them going everyday, except for god. although its silly and pathetic to our sensibilities, i for one can understand a person going to any extent to stay true to his faith however he can.

its not that any religion actually advises such actions either. its just the ignorance acting again.

[Luiz Gustavo]

Would be a funny idea for Asok, marry a dog to achieve a better position at work.

[BTTFVGO]

Jeez... things get weirder and weirder...

Hey, I read in my local paper a couple of things that may be of interest... did you hear about the 79 year old nun who apparently is being charged with sex crimes that happened in the 1960s... Two men came forward saying she sexually abused her; "Now, unbutton my habit..." She could face up to 10 years for each charge, and right now there are supposedly 100 counts. Man, let sleeping dogs lie. SHE'S ALMOST 80 YEARS OLD!!! They should have came out years ago.

Then there was a thing today about meat packaging containing carbon monoxide (that's why the redness stays red), and that FDA (who has said it was okay for years) says that they now require companies to put labels on the meats stating that they use carbon monoxide in the packaging. Oh, they said look at the use-by date, not the color, when looking for freshness...

[Sciencedoc]

I could go on, but I run the risk of saying something offensive. Too late!

[Matthew Kovich]

“Where’s your sari?”

We're going to the fun Hell for awesome people for that joke.

You for making it, me for laughing at it.

[Rich]

@James: "Yeah, that's just about as dumb as becoming a munich"

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

[Armando Esteban]

ahhhh another idea... how cool would it be to say to your mother in law:

"RAJÁ DE ACA PERRO DE MIERDA, A LA CUCHA!!!"

ahhh beatiful

And what happens if the dog gets pregnant?? Do you think the guy should make a DNA tests to see if the puppies are his????

[Armando Esteban]

Please go ooonnnnnnnnnnnn

[cyberpunk]

i almost made a blog post out of this news too...really wacky...

i love the part where the dog tried to run away before the wedding! poor doggie...it was a shotgun wedding...

[Thomas R]

Is this religion or just some cultural thing? What I mean is does Hinduism, or Jainism or whatever he is, really encourage or require you to marry animals or plants in order to expiate sin? Or is this just some kind of folklore logic? For example people in some areas of Appalachia are said to have believed that having sex on a field would make the crops grow better. As far as I know this was not based in any religion or religious interpretation. It might have been based in the vestiges of some pre-Christian fertility ritual, but it wasn't in their current faith.

[T.G.]

@Sreeram
"the fact that the guy repented his mistake and was willing to do this and the fact that this was acceptable to the society at large speaks volumes about the open-mindedness of the Indian society and culture."

I am open minded because in my rigid and closed tradition/culture I am allowed/encouraged to do specific things that are forbidden in yours? (and viceversa)

Well it was a good laugh tho, as I ever did wen people in profound denial defend the indefendible, project their problems and, of course, self attribute others virtues, by means of selective and completely out of context examples and arguments. Muslims, Hindus, etc sound alike in their fanatism.

[Bilious Prudence]

To Jordan, I have a question:

I can see an argument being made for the case that agnosticism is a more intelligent option than atheism. But in what way is it "safer"? (I won't dwell on your use of the word "option").

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply.

BP