Winners of the Book Blurb Contest!

Last month I ran a contest on this blog, to see who could write the most humorous book blurb for my new book, STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN! The winners are in.

First, I give you the Amazon.com link to the book, in case you would like to do your holiday gift buying without the hassle of getting out of your chair and walking around. In the unlikely event that you read this blog AND you are a high achiever, AND you have a friend, AND you sometimes buy holiday gifts, you can also find the book at any local book store.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591841852?ie=UTF8&tag=dilbertcom-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1591841852

Many people were disqualified, usually because they didn’t leave their full name or e-mail address, or because they live outside the United States. I list some of the better disqualified entries at the end because they have entertainment value.

Congratulations to the winners (two of you had two winning entries apiece), and thanks for playing! Your prizes will arrive in about two week.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER

(Wins a framed original Dilbert strip)

"'What a perfect companion for my afternoon milk bath," I thought while picking up this little gem on my way home from work. Within the hour I had laughed myself into a neck-deep tomb of butter. My wife came in, sipping her eggnog, and topped me with meringue."

Nicolas Feia

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The next 25 winners get a signed copy of STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN!

1. (First runner up)
Like a diligent little dung beetle, Adams slogs through the online jungle searching for fresh nuggets of news to polish into his daily blog entries. Some people say you can’t polish a turd, but after reading this book, I’d say they’re just not rubbing hard enough.

Matt Nelson

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2. As a smokin' hot woman, I found this book hilariously funny and I'd seriously consider making out with any guy I saw reading it.

Diana Wales

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3. I HAVE to buy this book! My kidnappers had a copy but my dad foolishly paid the ransom an hour too soon.

Richard Factor

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4. "This book was so good, I showed it to my wife and said, 'This is how sex is supposed to feel like."

Richard Yee

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5. If my dog could read, this is definitely the one book that I would want her to read to me!

Vincent Bernatowicz

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6. I was so upset when Grandad passed away from a Viagra overdose...It took us two weeks to nail the lid down on the coffin. I thought I'd never laugh again, until I read "STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN". Scott Adams cures the jaded.

John Robinson

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7. Everything my children are learning in school is wrong. I used to think. Now I know. Kids, your new textbook is here! Welcome to home school.

Nicolas Feia

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8. This book immediately grabbed me by my cookies. Can't wait to have them dunked in the sequel.

Jonathan Germann

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9. I squeezed my eyes so hard when I laughed that it corrected the shape of my corneas and now I read better when I take my glasses off! Really! This book saved me a ton of money on laser eye surgery.

Joanne Powers

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10. I read every other page with my good eye closed. Now I can see music.

Billy Hart

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11. I used to be a nobody, and now i have a comment on the back of a book!

Chitrak Bandyopadhyay

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12. Man oh man, this is the kind of book my Pappy used to read to me before I went to sleep each night. Scott Adams, are you my Pappy?

Vincent Bernatowicz

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13. Even though this book killed my father, broke my brother’s legs, sold my mother into a life of prostitution, burnt our home to ashes, and left me an orphan on the street, jitter-bugging for pennies, I can not stay mad at it…it is just too funny.

Kevin Allen

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14. I started reading Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain to my unborn child and it burst from my womb like that thing in Alien, grabbed the book and went back in. Damn baby, now I have to buy another copy.

Michael Rauma

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15. The reason that upper management restricted internet usage, now in convenient book form.

Rob Davis

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16. A delightful read...it has everything; humor, words, dangling participles, and did I detect a hint of nutmeg?

Chris Bachman

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17. This book was so funny my horse cried.

Jarrod Lancaster

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18. "Dear heirs, when I die please bury me with this book and Mr. Sniffles (the cat, not the butler)."

Carlos Gonzalez-Najera

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19. Scott Adams does it again. He does it hard, fast, and for money, just the way we like it. Life may go on if you don’t buy this book, but you’ll always wonder “What if?”

Erik Guttormsen

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20. I was reading this to my mother when she died. She refused to enter the light until I had finished.

Geoff Bonvallet

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21. A book so overflowing with brilliance and wit, it actually improves the quality of nearby books! Resellers: please stock a few copies of this book in your Garfield and Left Behind sections.

Paul Roub

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22. Like peanut butter for the soul.

John Coleman

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23. Finally, the answer to the question “What would Jesus read?”

Jim White

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24. "Learn Scott Adams' money-making real estate secrets in his runaway bestseller "STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN!"

Bill Malloy

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25. Scott Adams brings it! That’s just the way he rolls, Dog. Word!!!

Vincent Bernatowicz

Disqualified But Worthy
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A snake made me read this book and it made me aware of my own nudity! Totally worth it!

Michael Collett (disqualified)

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Ernest Hemingway meets Ayn Rand...but then after the initial "hellos" there's this awkward silence, until he says something inappropriate like "nice tits" and she's all like "Say what!?", and they get into a slap fight.

SJC (disqualified)

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I don't want to say that this is the best book ever written, but as I slid it into my bookshelf a chorus of angels began to sing and my other novels were engulfed in holy flame. I guess that's a little ambiguous, though.

Ryan (disqualified)

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From the monkeys who typed Shakespeare comes the stunning sequel!

Okgenuine (disqualified)

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"Ask yourself, what would Jesus buy?"

simon (disqualified)

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"All the brilliance and wit of a blog, but in book form for old people like you!"

David (disqualified)

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Imagine if your mom was on fire. That's what this book is like.

JVC Headphones (disqualified)

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Hey, other reviewers! If you like this book so much, why don't you marry it?

ErinP (disqualified)

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I've imagined a book like this for years! To avoid disappointment I won't be reading it, but you definitely should! I hear it's GREAT!

$8 (disqualified)

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Before I found this, I was a pathetic, depressed, underappreciated, overworked, sexually impotent, joyless shell of a man. Now, I'm all those things with a funny book.

Kevin (disqualified)

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I haven't felt this moist in years!

Chosti (disqualified)

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This book is so good, I'm buying two so that each eye can have its own copy.

Eric (disqualified)

Comments

[weepeRepamarm]

If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://kelvinmckeeei.easyjournal.com

[estetik]

Very useful page for me.

[prefabrik evler]

I run a little book shop in Notting Hill, since we started stocking this book female Hollywood A-listers have found me irresistible. Though I can't say the book has been all good, I think it is responsible for all the wankers moving into the area and tourists taking photos of my front door.
http://www.aryol.com.tr/ofisler.html

[C5]

I like #2, 3 and 4. :)

If it was a global competition and the contest still running, I could have entered:

"Neighbors came by, curious what has become of us since nonstop laugher is all they hear."

[McBeth]

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it."

-- Groucho Marx

[McBeth]

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

-- Groucho Marx

[Alex-G]

You should definitely consider publishing a whole book of comments you received for the contest.Cracked a few ribs reading the top 25...
http://www.max-pay-day.com/

[Alex-G]

You should definitely consider publishing a whole book of comments you received for the contest.Cracked a few ribs reading the top 25...
http://www.max-pay-day.com/

[mirc, mirc indir, mirc yükle, mirc ara, chat, sohbet, muhabbet]

I run a little book shop in Notting Hill, since we started stocking this book female Hollywood A-listers have found me irresistible. Though I can't say the book has been all good, I think it is responsible for all the wankers moving into the area and tourists taking photos of my front door.

[mirc, mirc indir, mirc yükle, mirc ara, chat, sohbet, muhabbet]

I run a little book shop in Notting Hill, since we started stocking this book female Hollywood A-listers have found me irresistible. Though I can't say the book has been all good, I think it is responsible for all the wankers moving into the area and tourists taking photos of my front door.

[mirc, mirc indir, mirc yükle, mirc ara, chat, sohbet, muhabbet]

Runner Up number 2 sure places another interesting spin on the UK's favourite conspiracy theory...

[Diana W]

For all those who questioned my existence - yes, Diana Wales is my real name. I also had an uncle Charles. Scott knows I've been a Dilbert fan for a long, long time. I'm even mentioned in a couple very early DNRC newsletters, including one looking for a date. Now let's see if anyone is bored enough to read the back issues.

[Peter Teleborian]

The disquallified ones were actually the funniest ones, weren't they?

[levent]

"@"All the brilliance and wit of a blog, but in book form for old people like you!"

David (disqualified)"

david said very nice thing, im agree with him

[Bill Tkach]

I think your first runner up deserves the trophy, not the butter bubbles guy. I'm assuming your editors nixed it as unusable due to the word 'turd' again.
But nothing else works but turd, due to the connection to your previous blogs regarding turds.

And turd turd turd! turd turd? turd turd turd turd.

turd?!?

[Dave]

I liked the winner's entry. Seems like a Scott Adams sort of thought / joke. I could definitely see Dogbert discussing it, for some reason. I just can't quite picture the context though. Or maybe Ratbert would actually be the one in the milk bath?

[Spannerotoole]

This is what your wonderful evolution has brought you.

hmm the theory is disproven with the winning entry :)

http://spannerotoole.googlepages.com

[Spannerotoole]

This is what your wonderful evolution has brought you.

hmm the theory is disproven with the winning entry :)

http://spannerotoole.googlepages.com

[nodnerB]

If similar criteria was used to select book content, thanks for saving me time and money.

[Joe Pictures]

For more zingers, check out http://pulp-pictures.blogspot.com

[Kent]

Nicolas Feia's blurb is DUMB.

[Christine]

My favorite: I haven't felt this moist in years!

Thank you Chosti! This will get me through the day.

[adora]

I miss the contest, mine would have been:
"I bought this book as the holy book of my choice to swear the Oath of Citizenship."

[Neil Sampson]

I think that most of these are superb and made me laugh out loud, but

"From the monkeys who typed Shakespeare comes the stunning sequel!

Okgenuine (disqualified)"

is just inspired.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

You certainly pissed off enough blog commenters with your Grand Prize selection. I'll say Mr. Feia must have really, really, really wanted to win since he entered countless times and with so many crappy entries, but if you throw enough crap on the walls, something's bound to stick.