The Wonderful Time

There’s a time that falls between hearing spectacularly good news, and the time you find out the news is wrong. I call it The Wonderful Time.

I remember the day my future editor at United Media told me my “development contract” was going to become a real contract, meaning my comic strip would be sold to newspapers after months of drawing practice strips that no one but United Media saw. I asked how much money I could expect to make per newspaper, and did some quick math based on an assumption of a good, but not great, first year. I concluded that I would earn $400,000 the first year. My day job paid about $65,000, so obviously I was thrilled.

I actually earned about $18,000 the first year. I assumed, incorrectly, that the newspaper payments my editor mentioned were daily figures, not weekly. And in the first few years, the strip only sold into a few dozen smaller papers that didn’t pay much. I kept my day job for over six years while working mornings, nights, and weekends to create Dilbert. In fact, I didn’t take a day off for the first ten years. But I still have fond memories of The Wonderful Time prior to learning how bad my earnings estimate was, and before realizing how much work was involved.

I am reminded of this by a recent article in Popular Science, about a guy who can allegedly turn any organic material into oil, creating a huge net gain of energy. He can turn tires, rocks, coal, plastic, or anything organic into oil. Allegedly.

http://www.popsci.com/popsci/flat/bown/2007/innovator_2.html

I know, I know, it reminds you a lot of the story of the guy who can turn water into fuel. But in the water guy’s case, the energy to make the conversion is greater than the energy used. That might turn out to be the case for the fellow who turns rocks into oil too, but until we learn that for sure, we can all enjoy The Wonderful Time.

What if this invention works as advertised? The inventor will become the world’s first trillionaire. But more important, an invention that turns rocks into oil will effectively eliminate poverty along with most causes of war. Imagine having no electrical lines to your home. You just toss the junk mail and other garbage in the burner and flip a switch. If grandma dies, don’t waste her. Pop her in the burner and let her treat you to some TV on the big screen. Throw in your old clothes, computers, lawn clippings, you name it.

I was watching a TV show last night about scientists who can use a modified inkjet printer to “print” a new organ for your body, one layer at a time, using your own cells that were grown in a dish. They have already created replacement bladders that the body won’t reject. And they are already working on hearts.

You might say you don’t want to live for hundreds of years, but you are underestimating the new mood enhancing drugs that are totally legal and will put you in a state of perpetual bliss.

So there you have it: Immortality is getting nearer, and we’ll all be stupid-happy, and wealthy.

Don’t think about why that prediction is probably wrong. Just enjoy The Wonderful Time.

Comments

[Joe Price]

The great thing about this developing technology is that the "Wonderful Time" could conceivably last right up until the point a husky hospice nurse is pulling the tubes from your hands. Sure, that might stick a needle into your Optimism Balloon, but so long as you hadn't yet felt the light from the tunnel there would still be that hope to cling on to. Even if you did slip into a coma or a vegetative state, you'd go into it with the knowledge that somebody might figure out a way to regenerate brain cells and print out a new liver for you in the process.

There's a lot to be cynical about these days, but when vital organs are flying out of DeskJets, there's still a silver lining to be found.

[STN]

I liked this post a lot. It was both very optimistic and clever. Thank you, man! :D

[Dave K.]

I can turn my urine into a glue-like substance with the adhesive properties of a POST IT Note. It doesn't smell very good, so I am focusing on the marketing.

[Dick the pedant]

Hmmm ... aren't rocks usually inorganic ..?

[Dick the pedant]

Hmmm ... aren't rocks usually inorganic ..?

[Bytesage]

UUUMMMM so ... you haven't noticed then, people here in the USA are already in this delusional blissful ignorant state of affairs.

... DUH!

[J]

"The Wonderful Time" == "Ignorance is Bliss" =)

[Georg Buehler]

Ok, so we can take things that were originally made from petroleum (all the hydrocarbon containing plastics and petro-chemicals) and turn it back into oil.

Big win for recycling . . . but we're still not completely out of the oil business. We _still_ gotta start with the oil.

[Kev]

I had that wonderful moment

Following watching the Google Tech Talk on Polywell Fusion link someone put on then reading Dr Bussard died in October

C'mon Scott you can afford to stump up the cash for WB6 and 7. Just how much would you pay for (in the future) to hear the common phrase

"Bring the dilbert reactors to full power . . ."

[Bill]

You can already turn rocks into energy, as long as they contain uranium. For that matter, you can turn whole gas giants into energy, at least the He-3 in them.

We don't have an energy shortage, we have a freedom shortage.... and it's not getting any better with each "Patriot" Act.

[Tokyo Joe]

I am sure you know that Ray Kurzweil, the inventor, believes that the first people to live forever are already alive.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/27/technology/27kurzweil.html

You ask people if they WANT to live forever and the typical response would be "hell no," but what if you could stay 20-ish for a thousand thousand years??

[Richard]

The problem with this is the carbon footprint is still cr*p but I guess you might destabilise the middle east and your own economy at the same time, so that's T3h w1n I guess.

[Gene]

Soylent Electricity.....IT'S MADE OUTTA GRANDMA!!!

[Blablevic]

The biggest problem with "Wonderful Times" is that they end in the so called "Disappointment Strike"

[Nacho]

Summa rocks!

[Chris]

Hey, just a thought prompted by KRKR8M's comment - if we burn off lots of energy by burning fossil fuels which escapes into space thus reducing the mass of the earth, then the suns gravitational force on the earth will reduce, maybe our orbital distance will increase and compensate for global warming! Which is about as prepostorous as global warming caused by humans in the first place (our arrogance, guillability, and capacity for inappropriate guilt never fails to amaze me; see the Great Global Warming Swindle). But what a brilliant counter-rumour to start! Quick, buy an SUV!!

[Chrono180]

I've had to teach myself not to have Wonderful Times. EVERY time I do, whatever thing that is making me happy-no matter how small- gets ruined. If I am eagerly anticipating something in the mail it gets lost. If I am anticipating using a tool from the store it breaks. If I am anticipating playing a game with my family they get too tired to play. It happens EVERY TIME. Because of that I had to quit anticipating anything and instead have to react apathetically.

[GLK]

I almost peed myself laughing when I read:

"If grandma dies, don’t waste her. Pop her in the burner and let her treat you to some TV on the big screen."

Thanks Scott!!!

[Johnny Ouais]

I wonder how much are you earning by year these days?

Until you tell me, I will use my Wonderful Time period thinking that you are doing the same as average people do.

[Robert Roaldi]

Immortality may not be so great:

http://roberts-rants.blogspot.com/2005/10/immortality.html

[Amit]

Yeah... am in wonderful time. Oil all round. Happiness flowing. People working day and night to earn something called ... Rocks!!!
Uhhh forget it. Atleast this paper-money looks good. Or do they have some plan to bring out gold coated rocks??? :)

[WATYF]

There are several other inventions like this one, which have been around for a while. The difference is that they produce electricity instead of oil. So you could use the electricity to power things directly (clean) instead of having to burn the oil to power things (not clean). They also claim to be able to turn pretty much *anything* into fuel.

http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/873aae7bf86c0110vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html

http://news.uns.purdue.edu/x/2007a/070201LadischBio.html

Here's another interesting one about turning heat into sound into electricity.

http://www.aip.org/pnu/2007/split/828-1.html?source=rsspnu

[KRKR8M]

Your robot post filter does not seem to be working. You are still getting comments.

[Just Me]

A question for all you physicists and engineering types. If we continue burning up fossil fuels and even rocks, we continue to lose matter as it turns to heat and escapes into space correct? If this is true, how long before we start to affect the overall mass of the earth and its gravitational relationship to the sun, and start to spin out of orbit?

On the flip side, when carbon consumption was low (i.e. before industrialization) did the conversion of the sun's energy into matter (via photosynthesis) add to the earth's mass appreciably?

[Steve]

In the early days of nuclear energy, the 'Wonderful Time' predicted free electricity for everyone. It was a bummer comin down off that one.