May 2008

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it's being able to feel the warmth that makes me wretch extra hard. and on a cold day when the steam brings the smell right into your face as you stoop to pick up...


Many years ago, when it was still acceptable for even socially conscious people to leave their dogs' feces lying around for the enjoyment of others, I used to have to walk through an otherwise very pleasant rural Derbyshire village. Unfortunately, because of the high level of dog ownership there, what should have been an enjoyable walk became more like a game of hopscotch, jumping from one small, clean area of paving to the next. But I had no choice - I had to go through the motions.


Hey, I forgot to post this in my original letter, but you know that they make small, fold up pooper-scoopers, don't you? It's a thought...


Hey Scott,
This is not related to the post, but I could not find any other way to tell you about it. Everyday I get a bunch of motivational quotes and today I got one by, Scott Adams!
Just could not figure out what is it that is supposed to be motivating about it. judge for yourself..

"Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue."
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Blog
US cartoonist (1957 - )


"Being a cat owner, I have to say that dog owners and their
dog's feces irritate the hell out of me."

At last - the crap-smeared shoe is on the other foot! Cat owners who let their cats out so that they can use my lawn as a litter tray irritate the hell out of me.

No, I don't own a dog.


happy holidays


Dam you mollie! BAD DOG!

Tim Hall

This is precisely the sort of behaviour that we might expect from non-British (i.e. foreign) dogs that have not been properly trained. Here in England we have no such problems. Canines are trained to defecate on the verbal command - "SHIT" spoken clearly and loudly, much as Royalty might.

For this reason, it is best to avoid using this phrase in public in any other context as the results can rapidly become catastrophic.


Isn't it hilarious how ashamed and scared people are of getting caught 'leaving the scene of the crime' with their dog when it's something you have absolutely NO control over? People drop their eyes and shuffle off quickly like you had just caught THEM dropping their pants and shitting on your lawn, and not their animal.

Hello, any one know the meaning of this blog?


I hate those times. I haven't walked many dogs, but when I have I tell myself I won't let the dog poop. Then when she/he squats, I kick it or pull on the collar to try to keep it from dodoing, and if that doesn't work, run!


Oh lordie, I hate it when my dog does this. :*/

My sympathies.

What Would Deep Throat Do?

HOLY CRAP! Now that was FUNNY!

But having said that, I must say, I feel very ripped off after buying your book, butthole. I think it was implied that you would have been including the readers responses to your blog posts. What a sneaky rip-off!


If God had meant us to pick up dog crap he wouldn't have invented lawnmowers.


Scott, while I appreciate your need to find fulfilling and challenging discussions, I must say I really appreciate the direction you've decided to go with your blog.

I sit and read it during my lunch at work and this is exactly the kind of humorous story that I get a laugh out of. I always liked these kinds of posts best.

You have a knack for spinning just about anything into a funny story and familiarity with the concept being discussed just adds extra flavour.

Good work.


I would have thought that knowing they had a name for it made it easier to endure, in an "at least I'm not alone" sense.


As the owner of 2 largish dogs, we learned very early about the multiple bag problem ((D x 2) + 1). But there are 2 other phenomena that go along with that:

1) If your dog likes to eat grass, they occasionally produce an "inverted tampon" with a ball of poop hanging at the end of a long strand of grass from the anus. It produces a pleasantly hypnotic motion while they walk, but is very unpleasant to remove.

2) Cat owners don't have to pick up cat feces because the dogs happily eat them. "Oh look, tootsie rolls! Yum!" Our vet explained why, but it is still disgusting.

And on a practical note, for us in the rainy regions of the country, we use the bags that the newspaper is delivered in. They are double walled, so less chance of touching the doodie, and they are long. With a little skill one can pick up a pile, tie off the bag close to that pile, and still have a usable bag for another pile. I have managed to get 4 piles into 1 bag. Takes care of the multiple bag problem *and* re-uses a bag that would otherwise get landfilled after just one use! Extra points for picking up poop in an environmentally friendly manner!

D. Mented

I like to hike a pretty steep mountain trail not too far from where I live.
This trail is narrow at spots and has rails to keep runners and bikers from TV-quality tumbles down the hillside. Those narrow places make it hard to avoid the dog droppings.
You don't have to pick it up off that trail. It's steep and lined with bushes, so if you take a stick (and there are always plenty of sticks lying around if you forgot to bring your favorite) and knock the turds downslope into the bushes, it's not just a problem solved - it's free fertilizer for the nice bushes that hide it!
The trail is always heavily land-mined.
I'm going to snap one day and grab one of the happy dog-walkers stepping over hisorher pet's deposit and scream in my best ageing punk-rocker roar:
...and then they'll come take me away.
Thank you, Scott, for not leaving it where non-dog-owners would have to step in it or do an olympic long jump.
D. Mented


Our managers are always leaving steaming piles of decisions for the rest of us to clean up. Now I know what to say when they squat out a series of decisions (AKA a project schedule):

“They double-bagged us!”


Seriously, to the person who said it's Jesus' birthday today, keep your unsubstantiated and patently false thoughts to yourself.

Not only is it a FACT that it was not Jesus' birthday that was being celebrated but a Pagan holiday that the Church in their ever-increasing need to control everyone felt they could take over for their own purposes, but I can guarantee that the only thing you did to 'celebrate' was to buy a gift to show others you appreciate them, hoping to make up for the rest of the year where you just take them for granted.

Happy holidays to everyone else.

John Doyle

Hey Justin, there's a slightly different meaning to 'double bagged' when referring to a 'skanky' lady...
When a lady is particularly ugly you would obviously expect her to wear a paper bag over her head so that you are able to perform your duties without being put off.
In the case that said lady is at the extreme end of ugliness you yourself would also be expected to wear a paper bag over your head lest her bag falls off.
Hence, you are 'double bagged'. Or, she is a 'double bagger'.


You would think that if they know of the potential for the "pet" to terrorise with bonus excrement... they would provide relatives and friends providing the dog-sitting service with a 'pooper scooper' to make life easier!


Well, my parakeet passed on this afternoon. I used a dog-doodie bag to scoop the poor little thing off the floor of her cage. Couldn't even bury her, as the ground is frozen through. It's never easy when a pet dies. :(


Looks like you are well trained!Whoever said 'old-ish' cartoonists couldn't be taught new tricks are wrong.
Now that a lot of cities are banning fireplace fires, you can take the ash shovel along,since it has lost its former use.The air quality board will tell you the air now smells better--until you walk behind your in-laws dog.


I always thought 'double bagging' meant that someone was so ugly you had to put a bag over his/her head, then a second bag in case the first came off....

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