Uncool Labels

My brother argues that society should stop making bad behavior sound cool. Terrorists, gang-bangers, and serial killer are all evil, but on some level you have to admit those are cool labels.

If you want to inhibit a particular behavior, a good rule of thumb is this: Don’t give it a label that would work equally well as a band name.

For example, the media tried to change “suicide bomber” to “homicide bomber,” thinking that was more descriptive and less altruistic sounding. But you can easily imagine a punk rock band called the Homicide Bombers.

Granted, it’s difficult to come up with any name that wouldn’t work as a rock band, but I think you’d agree that a band called the Homicide Bombers would have an easier time getting a new drummer than a band called, for example, Tiffany’s Pimple.

So how can we relabel terrorists to make their activity less cool sounding? I realize that terrorists don’t call themselves terrorists. They think of themselves as martyrs or freedom fighters or whatnot. But you know they watch the media to see how their actions are being received. That’s the whole point.

My brother suggests calling terrorists “dingleberries,” as in “Troops wiped out a nest of dingleberries in a part of the world now commonly known as Earth’s Anus.”

Can you top that?

Comments

[natural colon cleanse]

What if you changed serial killers to death addict psychopath?

Haha great post.

Thanks,

George

[Jim Treacher]

"I believe it was Jim Treacher who came up with the label 'Exploding Dopes.'"

Splodeydopes! Thank you for remembering. Few do...

[John]

nusance bunnies

http://awritersblock.com

[steve]

As funny as it may be to call terrorists names, the best tactic still seems to be to ignore them. Don't make deals with terrorists, and don't give them free publicity either. The best form of contempt isn't to insult them, but to treat them as if they did not exist.

[lalaina]

I think you should resort to the ONLY expert in "what would be a good band name" (and therefore a really uncool one): DAVE BERRY !!!

[Wiseacres]

You call them "Homo-cidal" bombers. Maybe try a name that sounds normal in english but translates to something really rotten in other countries. Pres Bush sr used to pronouce Saddam wrong on purpose. The way he pronouced Saddam translated loosly into Shoe shine boy.

[Lawless]

You could call them:

Pussies
Hollywood (since they loathe it so)

oh shoot, those are names of bands..

[gr8hands]

Scott,

I'm reminded of walking down the street in Vegas seeing a telephone pole with various flyers stapled to it -- one stood out: advertising for a live performance by the band 'Shit Piss Fuck'

I could only laugh and guess that they'd never be able to get their music played on commercial radio, unless they changed their name (or went by their initials).

[PPL Killer]

I completely agree with the premise. One example of this that pissed me off is the "BTK Killer", that pudgy, pathetic loser who killed a bunch of women.

"BTK" stands for "Bind, Torture, Kill"... And why is he called that? Because he ASKED to be called that. He REQUESTED that name, and now from jail he gets to feel cool as he watches news reports about the BTK Killer.

Fuck that, fuck him, and fuck the media who went along with that fucking asswipe's request.

After he requested that name, he should have been called the PPL Killer - "Pudgy Pathetic Loser". I suspect he'd have hated that more than spending the rest of his life in jail. Why should this shitbag derive ANY pleasure for anything? He should be mocked mercilessly from every angle.

On a touchier note, I also think it's unfortunate that suicides are often treated as being slightly cool. It would be incredibly sad and upsetting if people who committed suicide were mocked in their death... But what if doing that reduced the suicide rate in teens? It's a touchy issue.

But the PPL Killer is NOT a touchy issue. Fuck him.

[AHA!]

asok dead? why not wally or some other dipshit?

[Ghoti]

Tiffany's Pimple sounds kind of sexy.

[Ace]

Do you really think Katie Couric could manage to utter the word "dingleberries" with the proper gravitas?

I bet Keith Olbermann could do it, though.

[Bill Tkach]

Your brother sounds like a nice (old?) gentleman. Did you both sip cherry and then read Family Circus together in the den (aka- "The War Room") after his white-trash comment?

Why not call them Ascension Rockets? Since they take you to the next level of existence. Or not.

"Another Ascension Rocket has struck in Kabul, and forty-seven people were able to transcend and find out whether it's really the end, or just another segment of a long and endless journey." - The Weekly Sun

[anon]

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071204133730.htm

thought you might find this interesting....

[Geoffrey]

"a high powered miltary assault against the dingleberries" might not make the troops feel strong, but rather as if they were smacking naughty puppies.

[Jewass A]

americans, cowboys, yankies or what ever...
Couldn´t sound more uncool.

[car free since '93]

you could always call them twats!
CFS '93

[car free since '93]

YOu could always call them twats!
CFS '93

[Kevin Kunreuther]

1)Two real credible bands - Suicide, Suicidal Tendencies. Right now, in some garage or on a laptop, is the genesis for music from a band called Suicide Bomber, probably a rockabilly hip hop trance act - it's not all thrash metal shredder punk.
2)Instead of using the word "terrorist", a rather deflating euphemism would be bunny rabbits.
3)It never works, really, some young loser somewhere will always grab the most unlikely or socially repellent noun or verb, and turn it into a cool band name, comic book anti-hero, anonymous blogger. I blame it on the 50's jive hipsters, they invented open rebellion against the establishment and obnoxiousness and offensiveness as a marketing angle for "cool".
4)Ever hear of the Travelin' Dingleberries? Twee ironic folk music.

[Rob Adcox]

We could name them McWestheimingborgdonhamski. That's Brent's idea, and if he finds out I used it he's gonna yell at me and make me do extra chores at work. That's ok, though, because I have nicer hair.

[ajm]

Asok dead? Just remember that this is the PHB who is right slightly fewer times than the perverbial blind pig.

I actually see a Major Tom moment coming..... or perhaps a Dark Star moment.

Asok riding a piece of debris like a surf board... Ragin' Dude

[yeti]

How about "bitchtards"? Anybody here want to be called a "bitchtard"?

[Dillon-bert]

TRODS-BUMF. Theologically Retarded Organ Donor Short-Bus Ubangy Mother Fucker

[r_gosal]

You killed Asok, you bastard!!! I know I'm a day late and somebody else probably already said it but, meh.

As the longest running, least offensive and least stereotypical respresentation of an East Indian person in any western literary work across practically every known medium; he will be missed . . .

[Nick]

Well, if you want people to have humorous thoughts when watching the news, call terrorist Dilbert. Problem is that terrorist might like the association, not to mention potential copyright issues and giving the impression that terrorist are tech savvy. So to get around that we need to use a name that terrorist would really not like. Since Muslim terrorist are the flavor right now what about "Oinkbert". The pig association would really piss them off. I don’t think any non-Muslim terrorist would like it either.