Death by Frozen Poop

I know there is something wrong with me because I enjoy reading stories about frozen waste from airplane bathrooms that falls to Earth and almost kills people.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2008/02/07/ice-roof.html?ref=rss

When I think of the ways I could die, almost all of them are better than being killed by flying poop. That’s the sort of thing that could erase a lifetime of accomplishment. I would instantly stop being the guy who created Dilbert and forever be known as the cartoonist whose head was crushed by a turd. If I die from frozen restroom waste, my friends and family would have trouble stifling a laugh. And who could blame them, really?

“How did he die?” someone might ask. “I guess you could say he got pissed off,” one of my ex-friends would reply, before laughing heartily.

It seems unlikely I would be killed by airplane waste, but it also seems unlikely a bird would crap exactly in the middle of my bald spot, and that happened. I don’t rule anything out. When I hear jet sounds, I stand under a doorway.

Imagine what would happen if I were doing a book signing, and the frozen waste from the plane missed me, but killed the guy standing in line waiting for my autograph. When telling the story later, would I be able to resist saying “The shit hit the fan”? I think not. And that is why I probably deserve to be killed by frozen poop.

Comments

[Fiscal Musings]

An interesting way to die that I can honestly say I've never considered. Maybe it'll make it into the next Saw movie...

[Matt Fenner]

Reminds me of the Darwin Awards

[Angela]

This whole blog entry sounds like something that was the subject of discussion around here several years ago. I live very close to Lake Erie and some of the other people were puzzled by this blue gunk that ended up on their roofs. Main theory at that time was that airplanes were emptying their lavoratories over Lake Erie thinking it wouldn't hit anything. I don't know how it was ever resolved and tried to find some old articles to send to you, but couldn't find anything.

[simmso]

I love the Husbands attitude (although he doesn't use these exact words):

Shit Happens!

Well frozen shit in this case. hehehe :)

[simmso]

I love the Husbands attitude (although he doesn't use these exact words):

Shit Happens!

Well frozen shit in this case. hehehe :)

[eknirb]

Why do I think Dogbert might have a business that sells flying poop?

[Paul C]

Scoot

Some years ago, a British police car on routine patrol spotted what it thought was a meteor falling to earth. This hit a cabbage field somewhere out in the remote redneck country in East Anglia (England's answer to Tenessee and Alabama) and impacted the ground with an audible thump that made things shake a bit. Having seen roughly where the thing landed, the intrepid coppers went out with spades to see if they could dig it up, which they did: they discovered it to be a largish roughly cuboid block of indistinct smaller objects bound together in blue-tinged ice.

This they took back to the police station and preserved in the canteen fridge-freezer before writing reports and ringing local universities. The local university said they were interested, but it would be a day or two before they could collect, so could the police keep it safe? Knowing the thing was preserved in the fridge where the police canteen kept their food items, they said OK.... and THEN there was a power cut and it defrosted....

(Do I need to spell out in this context what it really was?)

[Ketta]

I really hope Scott reads this comment, I know he'll like it.

I might have caused death or at least mayhem as a kid with a bag of barf from an airplane.

My parents were divorced when I was young, and I have a younger sister. My dad used to trade us back and forth with my mom, and he had a small plane he'd fly from Port Angeles to Yakima (WA state). We always flew over Seattle on our route, and often I'd get a bit airsick and use the handy bag Dad had available (little planes get tossed about a lot).

Once though, the bag had a hole in it and I'd barfed a big load. We were right over Seattle and my dad made me push it out the window (it was like the squishy plastic doors on a jeep). I watched it fall right down to the busy streets not far from the ferries. We were too far up to see where it went exactly, but ever since I just *knew* it must have landed on someone's windshields and splattered puke everywhere.

I hope it never hurt anyone, but I laugh every time I play that over in my mind.

[John Reedy]

If I were an evil-doer, I would freeze people inside poop to kill them. That would be an even less likely way to die from frozen poop, however, possible still.

http://awritersblock.com

[Martin]

Wouldn't running an RFID receiver cost more in electrical terms than running the lights :(

Perhaps a better solution is to educate children and family members about green issues. Alternatively tell your children that they kill a fairy ever time they leave a light on.

[D.Bert]

This actually happens a lot more than you'd think.

[Ernie]

Well over 50 years agowe chanted these lines as we terrorized the neighbourhood on our bicycles:
"The night was black, and the moon was blue
Around the corner a shitwagon flew
A shot rang out
A cry was heard
A cop was hit by a flying t..."

[BuyStuff]

So THAT'S how you polish a turd!

[Adrian Rodriguez]

hey, but what if you listen the sound of something falling down, and you decided to look up to the sky, and then the turd hits you in the face... I think that could be the worst scenario...

or even worse, if you bend over to pick something up, and then it hits you on the hips and you become handicapped. Man, that's not funny, it's something between bizarre and blurry. Ay Caramba!

-Adryan

[egg]

It's hard to believe but this could still have been better. If the waste had dropped a few moments later the plane would have been over Dover in Calgary....One of the worst crap filled neighborhoods in the whole city. THAT would have been the best.

the headline: Airplane fires turd missile into crack house. Ed Stelmach claims it is part of his previously unknown plan to combat crime.....

[Coupland Fan]

Falling frozen aviation waste was a plot device in (Douglas) Coupland's "All Families Are Psychotic," one of the greatest works of modern lit, IMHO. I don't know if he coined the term, but I laughed for days after reading "poopsicle"...

[Rob]

We're all rooting for you to legitimately be able to say "the shit hit the fan" provided it happens to the other guy.

Of course, if it happens to you the Obits would hopefully be titled in poor taste,

your critics,
Shitty Cartoonist Killed By Same
your fans,
Shitstorm Finally Gets Respected Cartoonist.

ok I'm not that funny. but I hope somebody deadpans,

oh..., shit.

[rk]

Do you know what you became when the shit hit your head ???? SHITHEAD :-)

[BobUK]

Don't worry about irreverent comments from former friends and/or family - simply come back and haumt their toilet. Then you could literally scare the crap out of them.

[Michael LaRocca]

This is why we read your blog. "When the shit hit the fan" will never make it into a Dilbert strip, will it?

[Keshav Bhatt]

Hehehee funny, i would not at all want to die like that, besides i too believe toilet humor always scores well ;)

[Keshav Bhatt]

Hehehee funny, i would not at all want to die like that, besides i too believe toilet humor always scores well ;)

[jim]

shit happens

[Dave]

Why is it that the flying poop is funnier because its frozen? Falling frozen poop. Turdicles? Pissicles? Turdbergs?
Oh the mirth.

[Warfreak2]

The difference is that jets don't aim for the bald spot.