Cure for Volleyball

There are few things in life less fun than a pickup game of volleyball. It always seems like a good idea at the time. You imagine yourself and a few athletic friends passing, spiking, and diving to dig out great shots, as the ball almost magically never hits the ground. What actually happens looks like something from a movie where a virus has turned everyone on earth into spastic zombies. You watch in horror as grandma on her motorized scooter joins your side, along with two toddlers, a drunk, and a woman whose hands are apparently made of bubble wrap. And your team is the good one. What follows is a whole lot of people acting surprised they can’t punch an inflated ball in any directions but downward and backwards. Meanwhile your youth slowly drains away.

I found myself in that situation yesterday, with my wife, two small kids, a volleyball net, and a rubber playground ball. In this example, the woman with hands apparently made of bubble wrap was me. When I became a cartoonist, I swore off all sports that can damage fingers because my understudy is the cat, and I don’t want anyone knowing she is the better artist. Anyway, I foolishly took one punch at the big rubber ball and realized that continued play was not a good career move. So I watched as the three remaining enthusiasts tried their best to sport on. They soon discovered it is nearly impossible to play volleyball with a big rubber playground ball.

That’s when inspiration hit. I imagined a new and improved game, which we soon put into motion to the delight of all. Spectators stopped to watch. I named this wonderful new game Scottyball.

I know, I know. Nine hundred of you will tell me you also invented this game and have been playing it since the middle ages. I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe we could have named it after you.

Anyway, here are the rules of Scottyball:

1. The ball is to be caught and thrown over the net, not punched.
2. Any number of people can play. You just adjust the court depth until it is competitive. (Our court was about 10 feet deep on each side for two-on-two play with kids.)
3. You get one point if the ball touches the ground on the opponent’s side.
4. The first team to 21 wins.
5. No spiking. The ball must go up before it crosses the net.
6. You can pass once to a team member.
7. When you catch the ball, you can’t move from that general spot until after you throw.
8. Anyone can serve from any position.
9. A ball that lands out of bounds is no one’s point.
10. It is your serve if the other team got a point or hit out of bounds.
11. If you hit the net on your serve, and it goes over, it is a let (do over).
12. If your serve doesn’t go over the net, the other team serves.
13. If you hit the net during regular play, and it goes over, that’s okay. Continue play.
14. You can pass to yourself or a teammate off the net, but it counts as your one pass.

Your first impression might be that this game is too easy. With such a small court, and no spiking, you might think no one would ever drop the ball. But you’d be surprised how you can fake, pass, quickly catch and throw to extreme angles, get the other side out of position, and hit the gap.

The best part is that every point lasts a good long time, is totally aerobic, and players of all levels can compete effectively. On grass, you end up with lots of diving catches.

You can adjust the court size until it is compatible with the quality of your players. For better athletes, just make the field size bigger.

So the next time you find yourself stuck playing volleyball with a cartoonist, grandma on her scooter, and several spastic zombies, confidently suggest a round of Scottyball instead. Then act surprised that no one else has heard of this craze that has taken the world by storm.

Comments

[Kristal L. Rosebrook]

Great Blog guys.

Kristal Rosebrook

[NRG]

This sounds like prison ball, which is what my family sometimes played when volleyball was too hard. 5 or so people on each side.

1. throw the ball over the net, if it lands inbounds, the person on the other team nearest to it is out ("in prison").
2. If the other team catches it inbounds, it is their turn and one of their "prisoners" can come back in.
3. If the ball is thrown and lands out of bounds or in the net, the thrower is out.
4. You can't take more than 3 steps with the ball.

Very simple, even for kids, and fun.

[daniel]

Netball is a sport that did to basketball what scottball did for volleyball, only without the good parts. Netball can't move, no dribbling etc, but it's an awful game. Scottball is much better then volleyball, because, for a start, it's easier. But if you guys enjoy scottball, try handball. It's amazing. look it up, the pro's are good, but you can enjoy it at any level. all you need is a mid-sized ball (somewhere between a softballa and a volleyball) a lot of players and a couple of sticks to make the goals. loadsa fun.

[sanam]

oh we play it all the time. its called throwball here. its more of a girlies game though. i've never seen guys play this.

[Borjan]

Thanks for a great idea, Scott (even if it's not original, apparently). Too many times I was caught in volleyball games where two thirds of every team couldn't get the ball over the net.

I even like the name Scottyball more than Newcomb ball...

[Smith]

Didn't a US president play a similar game with a medicine ball? Read that ages ago and thought it would make a good workout.

[Peter]

We totally played this in school and called it "Nuke 'Em" for some reason. Or maybe it was "Newcombe". I never actually had to spell it out...

[Andy Pandy]

People have been inventing games since time immemorial. Such a shame that, these days, most of us feel we have to play a game with rules laid down by some authority rather than just mucking about and having a good time with our balls.

So well done, Scott, working out how to have fun with what's available is a fast-dying art and I commend you heartily. (And I sure HOPE that other people came up with the idea before you, or what would that say about our world?)

[Peter]

What's wrong with you people?

1) This game is nothing like netball. Netball is most similar to Basketball without dribbling.

2) Scott already admitted he may not have invented it. Well done for pointing out what he had already admitted over and over.

Too many idiots.

[Mark]

@ND:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_polo

[Mark]

I'm familiar with this as nuke'em, which I suppose could be a derivative of Newcombe as several others have suggested. When playing with adults, in order to step up the competition a little bit without the spasticity, I humbly submit beer-in-hand nuke'em, a game created by my friends at a barbeque where nobody really wanted to play real volleyball. Basically the same rules as you suggested (i.e. make it up as you go along), except everyone plays with a drink in one hand. You can switch your beverage-holding hand at any time you like; dropping the beer loses you points. Diving catches performed without spilling your beer are rewarded with a number of points proportional to their spectacularity. Catching the ball with one hand is less difficult than you might imagine, but not easy by any means. And playing with a beer in your hand means you don't have to take a break to drink (only to refill) so even the losers win.

[Tom]

I play, coach, and ref competitive volleyball and I love your idea. All sports should be modified for the less interested, and all sports should be modified for the highly skilled. It makes no sense to me that a 5'6" high school basketball or volleyball player play on the same facilities as a 6'8" 29 year old. Baskets should be 18 feet high for the pro's, and the volleyball net should be 11 feet high for men's olympics. The same net should be 7' for the picnic. Sports should be fun at whatever level you play.

[Patti]

Patti says:
You are a genius! I love it. No spike in the face.. I just wish you had invented this game before I had my nose job!
There I was playing volleyball, like the little lady I am, when all at once a Ben Stiller (from "meet the parents") look-alike...jumped up and spiked the damned thing in my face.
I now have a new button-pig-nose.

Now, another story.
The last time I played in the "finals" of a mixed-doubles tennis tournament... a 6' 4" male ego-maniac opponent raced forward toward the net and smashed a demon-tennis-ball traveling at more than 99 mpg.. straight into my chest. And I slumped to the ground in pain.
I do realize that I should have had my racquet ready to deflect it.. But, I was frozen and in shock.. that this guy’s eyes were spinning and his grin was nasty and. He was aiming .. AT ME! We had a portion of the court available for him to smash a winner on that short lob but he wanted to hurt..ME!. I was starting to step back and away since this guy was truly an animal. Nothing like the other men who played correctly.
A really good player would have aimed at my feet!
My partner was so upset that he hit him good right after that. People actually clapped for my partner's accuracy & determination. However, I was not able to concentrate. We won but I was in pain and shaken. My serve (usually, hard & fast) was less aggressive and quite painful to execute.
AND, I was afraid of this big-ass for the rest of the match.
SO? Is there another way of playing tennis that doesn't allow for large, crazed, maniacs to rush the net like a buffalo and smash a delicate but athletic female ..like myself? What new rules can we make that will alter the mixed-doubles game ……just a little bit?

[Gabriel Leow]

When I was about 14-15 years old, we played a game in school during lesson breaks. We would be in an auditorium about the size of 4 badminton courts. We would also have either a soccer ball or a basketball.

20 of us, all from the same class, would divide into 2 groups of 10 people. Each group stands at one end of the auditorium. The only goal is for the team with the ball to reach the other side of the auditorium. When this goal is accomplished, the roles are switched over. There is no other rule and all tackles are legal.

After some smashed spectacles, plenty of ripped and torn uniforms and more than enough cases of broken noses. We had so much fun it took a ban from the principal before we stopped playing.

Now I only have good memories of the time my best friend got knocked up real good...

[velix]

Sport is invented to be competitive and this is not so competitive sport. I also read that this sport have already known as netball. But good try, better luck next time. :)

[ASM826]

Why not just play Calvinball®? Make up the rules as you go along, avoid all that nasty business of actually winning or losing, all games end in a big argument. Sort of like 21st century politics.

[Dave1-20-2009]

This sounds alot like beer pong, except for the beer and the cups.

[Saravanan]

It is very similar to the game "THROWBALL" in Asia (or India). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Throwball

[Kevin Kunreuther]

You didn't invent the damn game (it's called netball), but neither did I. It's as old as basketball, as far as I can surmise, but ironically volleyball evolved from netball.

[HannahsDad]

I love the idea of modifying a perfectly good game to suit one's own ends.

On a skiing holiday a few years ago, about 10 friends and I passed those long vin-chauded winter evenings playing 'Uno' but with regular playing cards (called Mau Mau, I think). Over time, the rules 'evolved' in the sense of becoming increasingly convoluted and very aggressively enforced - 'Too slow; pick up 2', 'No!', 'Arguing; pick up 4', 'No!', 'Arguing, pick up 6', etc. The result of each dispute would be resolved by finding a rowdy consensus of opinion. Further dispute would lead to severe penalties. Eventually, it became so tense that players were often too cautious to call 'cheat' in case it back-fired.

The real joy of this game was when new players joined in. Fireworks every time and, if memory serves me well, nobody ever won (or lost) a game, although there were occasional spite-fuelled 'retirements'.

The key is self-regulation – any game can be fun as long as most players get a chance to compete, some get to be stars, and others take on the role of 'numpty'.

[Shrik]

So many comments and nobody's mentioned this yet? Very surprising!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Throwball

[simon]

Great a sport for nerds...... !

[Bertram]

This does not beat my three anti-boredom tv sports rule modifications:

Formula 1 racing with two-way traffic

Ladies' Tennis without underpants

Distributed Biathlon: the athlets have skis, the audience have guns.

[Peter - King of Belgium]

Love the idea. Those that prefer volleyball because "it's harder" should stick with it, but I see myself playing this with my little kids and wife. good suggestion...

[llt]

www.netball.org