May 2008

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

« Beauty as God | Main | Name that Baby »


Dave's Not Here!

Actually, for better athletes you should make the field size smaller; that way the spectators can have fun watching the wonderful athletes making total fools of themselves as the run into each other trying to make spectacular-looking plays. If you're really lucky, you'll get a couple of concussions out of it.

Ruth Ann

To make it harder, you could hang a sheet or blanket over the net so that the opposing team couldn't see the ball until it was above the net/coming at them.


I enjoy pickup volleyball. Maybe that's because my friends and family are more athletic that spastic zombie. In any case, Scottyball sounds like volleyball minus the required skill.


Further improvements:

The ball may be replaced with a large stuffed animal toy, that may not be larger than 40% of the size of smallest player.

Anyone who gets a bobo gets to select who has to kiss it to make it better.

Disagreements about rules are dealt with a sissy-on-sissy limp-wristed no-contact slap fight.


Now thats using the ol' noodle!
If the crumbsnatchers are still too uncoordinated for advanced play, make up a new and fun game!
Keep them lil sucker's from becoming couch tater's by getting them off thier arse's and making them let go of the game controller!
Nothing more fun than going out and playing a pick-up game of "family free for all" or Scotty-ball and bringing family and close friends together.
At our house, we play "dog-ball". We have a giant tennis ball we use to play with the dog. We kick it across the yard to each other while letting our dog, A Jack Russell "terror", chase it.
We used to roll an 8 lb. bowling ball across the yard and let the dog tackle that,( which she was actually quite capable of stopping, we called it bowling for puppies) but when the Jr. left the ranks of toddler-dom we changed the game so he could join the play.

Paul W

Hi Scott. I won't be the first to make this comment, and I won't be the last. This game does exist and it is routinely played in Elementary schools across New Jersey (and other parts of the country probably but I can't speak from experience).

It is called Nuke'em, though I wouldn't be surprised if there was another term for it too. My theory is that they gave the game a hardcore name to make up for the fact that it is intended for children. I'm not sure what their rules on spiking are, but generally the participants are too short to do it; except for my one friend who is now 6'5".


Anytime I've been inveigled into a pick up game of volleyball there was usually adult beverages involved. I don't think scottyball would work any better in those circumstances. However It would probably be fun to explain the rules to intoxicated people


Two years ago I was in Jamaica for my sister's wedding with a bunch of people I was either related to, soon going to be semi-related to, and others I was expected to make friends with.

A group of us were walking down the beach on our second day when one of the club people asked us if we wanted to play. There were 10 of us, so we thought we would give it a go, being a computer geek, I was pretty sure I was going to suck. Also, since my sister is an aerobics instructor and her husband a personal trainer, and their friends enjoy going to the gym, I figured I was screwed. Surprisingly, none of us sucked, none of us were fantastic, but it was an evenly matched game and all of us agreed on the rules. I'm guessing that since I was not expecting much, the fact that we were able to play together amazed me.

So, I don't see myself playing Scottyball anytime soon, and for that matter, volleyball either. As a side note, I did find that I now like watching women's volleyball, either in person or on TV. Women's Hockey, not so much.

Diana W

Sounds like fun, but I'm shocked that you left out the rule that the required woman's uniform for Scottyball is either a bikini or halter top and shorts.


No doubt, countless yahoos will reply saying you've wussified a perfectly fine, competitive game.

I say you can do whatever you want with the instruments of play at your disposal. Anybody doesn't like it, then they don't have to play. Screw'em and their ball-fisted competitive will.

It's one thing to spike the ball at people who have at least a fighting chance to keep it from breaking their nose, but I always thought spiking the ball at obviously less athletic players was mean. "In your face, weanie!" Where's the sport in that?

Come on, folks, whatever's fun and gets people off their collective duff sounds great to me.

Neal T

I know this may be a sin to reference Another Cartoon, but...(eery music fill)...this sounds a lot like...CALVIN BALL! So it wasn't as dreadful as I thought it was going to be. It is just very reminiscent of when Calvin picked up a ball and made up a whole slew of new rules. Only difference, Calvin changed them at will. In the middle of play. Essentially always ensuring a win for the home team. But seriously, I might play a little game of Scottyball soon. I would change rule number 9, though. A ball that lands out of bounds on the non-serving side is a point for the serving side. That's just me. I love your blog and Dilbert. Thanks!

Patrick Burt

"Fence" is what we call this game when I work at a community centre.

We played this in junior high since none of us had the coordination for full blown vball.

[Damn! I was only 113 years too late! -- Scott]

LA Clay

And now for something completely different...

Good job getting Scott syndicated! Even though he is on the "competing" web comic site, he's there none the less.

(take credit even if you had nothing to do with it)



I think unlimited time-outs and letting children win in a game between children and adults should be part of the acceptable rules of this game. Did you miss this among the rules or would you disagree with the suggestion?


rita mae

I already commented, but just re-read your post and have to add something.

I thought your life was ideal. Now I feel sorry for you. You can't even hit a ball without worrying. That is very sad. I didn't realize. Your hands are your livelihood. More so, than say a typist, who can always get by somehow if they hurt their hand. What a terrible burden you must bear. You have to constantly think about being careful of your hands. Gee. That is awful. You could hurt yourself if you ran and fell down on your hand. You could hurt yourself if you cut your hand preparing a roast for dinner. You could hurt yourself by slamming your hand in the car door accidently.

Now, I don't want you to think about any of the bad things that could happen to you if you hurt your hand/s. It could impact your whole livelihood and ruin your life as you know it. So you have a really really good day, okay?

Rita Mae

Real Live Girl

Wait? Didn't I see this already on ESPN "The Ocho?"

Actually, it does sound like a lot of fun to play. But since volleyball normally happens at the beach here, we'll have to make sure the scooters have dune-buggy wheels on them for the grandmas. Or we'll borrow the lifeguards' ATVs.

Now you are a shoo-in to win the Nobel Peace Prize for Sports!


Hi Scott,

A cure for volleyball? I believe that volleyball was invented as a cure for basketball. It was invented because older men couldn't keep up a game of basketball. Curing volleyball seems a little soft. I think your problem was the ball, those rubber things are useless for anything but kickball or dodge ball. Good job coming up with something to amuse the family.

Your game does sound like a game called macomber we played in elementary school. The game was a precursor to volleyball and was used to slowly introduce kids to volleyball. The scoring was like horse, anytime the ball was dropped you got a letter, the first one to macomber lost. I don't think the Olympics will adopt Scottyball for the next summer games. But it does sound like a fun inclusive game, perhaps an inclusive sports league may be interested in Scottyball.

Thanks for the post,


While I like your idea, give me an old fasioned game of dodgeball any day. I was a terror on the playground when I was in elementary school, due to me being bigger than just about everyone until halfway through high school (by 7th grade, I already weighed 170...while I had a little bit of chub on me, I was definitely not fat. Didn't even really have a tummy)

My favourite move in dodgeball was aim just above the knee. It was too low to catch it without making a quick duck, and yet too high for most people to jump over. Of course, you could also always just get smacked in the face when turning your head to look at something else, which happend to me frequently...


So you invented a game of catch with a net..... So you either have a severe lack of athletic ability or a too much free time....


Excellent idea! I'll call Grandma and the spastic zombies down the street, we'll have a few brews, and play Scottyball 'til dark. Love it.


Awesome! With sports like this, why did my kids spend 2 WEEKS in junior high "learning" to tie their shoes and a MONTH on hated square dancing???


I like it! I agree that volleyball as usual is one of those games that sounds better in theory than it is in reality. My solution has always been to use a blow-up beach ball, which is prone to floating so the whole game moves in slow motion. Your version sounds like it would be more appealing to my two grade-school age kids.

jerry w.

Is your team bus a short yellow one?

Captain random

We call it Nuke'em ball...just cause it's a much cooler name

The comments to this entry are closed.