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And what about the poop the comes from the car? The streets would be covered in carshit. It was hypothesized in the late 19th century that the biggest problem cities would be having would be to get rid of all the poo left by the horses which pulled the trams. They didn't find a solution then, because the electric models started appearing, but if your idea hits the market, those guys were visionaries...


For a muscle car try a car powered by wanking. All you need is a lab grown penis, a lab grown arm and a supply of old girly mags, or maybe if you're cheap, some of those lingerie catalogs. Everyone is always throwing them out. Recycle and generate power to drive your car.

I leave it to you to convert the work to usable energy - a Stirling engine perhaps or just a crank shaft hitched to the forearm.

I get get 32 miles to the Victoria's Secret catalog.


HORSE, it's called a horse, four legs, lots of muscles (including his/her own "love muscles") and the digestive system and all...

Derek Seklecki

A curse on you, Scott Adams! I'm currently working on a science fiction novel series, and you have hit upon all the technology I will be using in my universe. I call it organotech. It extends not just to cars, but everything -- houses grown from coral, train cars that move through giant esophagi via peristalsis, bed-linens made from warm living skin, lighting from bioluminescence, computers made from human nervous systems. They say as soon as one guy gets an idea in this world, 5 others get it at the same time. It's just a matter of who acts on it first. I hereby declare that this time I thought of it before you did!


Still hooked on Battle Star then?

Colin Hill

these vehicles already exist.

they are called horses

Car Doc

Might want to add some form of lungs to your car. Muscles don't work very well without a constant flow of oxygen.

Sabine Dinis Blochberger

The "artificial digestion system" already exists in a way, we already know how to "convert" bio matter into methane gas with the help of bacterias. And cars can run on gas.

The problem with the muscle analogy is that nothing in nature has wheels, it's all about legs. Although just yesterday I saw a program about robotics on TV, and how a guy was building artificial muscles (air pressure and woven metal tube).

So what, a robot horse? Besides the artificial intelligence, the modern car sounds like it already ;)

Bjorn R

You wrote;
"A marathon runner can eat a pork chop and run 26 miles. Your car can’t do that."

My car can't do that, but according to

"The PAC-Car II set a new world record in fuel efficient driving during the Shell Eco-marathon in Ladoux (France) on June 26, 2005. Running on hydrogen, the PAC-Car II achieved the equivalent of 5,385 km per liter of gasoline (12,666 MPG!)"

I am not sure how to convert pork chops to gasoline or hydrogen (methane, maybe), but I suspect that the PAC-Car II is much more fuel efficient than a marathon runner or even a bicyclist.


I worry that this car would pass a lot of gas, especially if you fed it beans, and this would contribute to global warming.

Of course you could also light its farts, claim carbon credits for that, and use it to heat the car.

Instinctive Traveller

Scott... do you think you've over looked muscle fatigue? That would be enough to give your car the cramps or a muscle pull. So what would your car doctor prescribe other than a good weeks rest? I wouldn't want that for my car. Oh no!


Don't you think there were good reasons we replaced the horse with the car all those years ago? You honestly want to go back?


What would really suck is dealing with your car having a virus. You're on your way home from work and it starts sneezing.

On the plus side of the ledger, though, it's easy to get more of them. I predict people starting car stud farms.

Just picture it:

A farmer takes a 10 ton truck and crosses it with a hatchback, the result being a large ute[1].

And remember people, responsible drivers have their car neutered.

[1] Ute is what we, the Australians who invented the thing, call the car referred to by Australianally challenged people as "pickups." We came up with the idea, so we'll call it what we like. :)

Chris Arnott

You eemed to have forgotten disease in thinking about your car. What are you going to do when you've got a really big trip ahead of you and you car's got a cold?
Even worse. How expensive will it be when your car gets cancer?

Vikram J

Hi Scott,

This kind of car was designed 4000 yrs back....
It was called bullock cart...:)


On a completely unrelated subject,I thought you might enjoy this site. These people give awards for the funniest deaths, deaths which subsequently improve the remaining gene pool. Hence the name 'Darwin' awards.

Michal Malkowski

AND it would be thief-proof, every vehicle would have different DNA.

"The downside is that you’d have to keep the muscle warm enough so it didn’t freeze, and not so hot it died"

That part cpuld be invented in F1, where they have to do just that with some parts of bolid.

Bill Leather

This has nothing to do with today's post, but Scott Meyer is getting better and better. Since you recommended him, I've been visiting his site and the man is a genius. I have to thank you for the heads up. Mention him again in your daily and see if it can boost him over the top.


Bill Leather

This has nothing to do with today's post, but Scott Meyer is getting better and better. Since you recommended him, I've been visiting his site and the man is a genius. I have to thank you for the heads up. Mention him again in your daily and see if it can boost him over the top.



It would be pretty weird but I once read that hi-perf machines must be built up from organic stuff (sci-fi, you know).


Have you been reading star wars? The Yuuzhan Vong only use organic technology, including spaceships and armor.

Timothy F

Going by the amount of fat and lazy people floating or if you will waddling around these days, I hardly think someone who cant look after there own well being enough to be able to get out of the drive through and walk to the counter of there local fast food joint. Will have the adequite skills to keep there car running at any useful operating level. I can just see it now traffic backed up for miles and when you finally progress your way to overtaking the slow sunday driver all you can hear is heavy wheezing, while your air vents are over powered by the smell of sweaty arm pits.
The amount spent on chafe cream alone for the poor creature would outweigh the savings of petrol.


Don't we have this already, isn't it called a "horse?"


yeah, ummm, horse. i'm not the first to say it, but horses solve the energy crisis


Why not give it a rudimentary brain? Like a good horse, the car could drive you home when required.

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