A reader sent me a link to a story about a Japanese woman who was accused of kicking a hole in some guy’s door, crawling through the hole, and destroying his property. She was acquitted when the court realized that her breasts were too big to allow her to fit through the hole.
http://mdn.mainichi.jp/national/news/20080304p2a00m0na028000c.html
In other words, if the tit doesn’t fit, you must acquit.
The funniest thing about this story is the visual it puts in your head. The accused turned out to be innocent. But she had to sit in court while a room full of strangers, and later the press, imagined her trying to crawl through a hole in a door and getting snagged by her knockers. It is all the funnier because the hole is in a door. Somehow that is just more amusing.
Apparently there was an extensive courtroom discussion about the physics involved in getting a torso and two melons through a smallish hole. I immediately started solving the puzzle in my head, wondering if you could poke your head through then flop one boob through, then an arm…no, it wouldn’t work. But you can’t tell me you didn’t have the same thought.
If I were the prosecutor, and I saw that the defense was winning its case, I would demand that the accused put butter on her breasts and try to fit them, and optionally her head, through a smallish hole in front of the jury. It wouldn’t help win the case, but it would make the afternoon go a lot faster.
[Update: Okay, this just gets better. Blog reader Aaron wonders if she could have reached through the hole in the door and just unlocked it. I am laughing because I got so carried away thinking about how to get those boobs through the hole that I never once considered just reaching in and unlocking the door. That is hilarious.]
http://www.investimentimobiliari.com
Posted by: investimenti | March 19, 2008 at 01:27 PM
Does gravity come into play at all? I tried to install a new toilet seat and had a dickens of a time getting the old one off. I had to squeeze myself onto the floor between the toilet and bathtub to try to get the bolts off. Getting DOWN into that position, gravity aided me in getting my boobs past all the wide parts, but when it came time to get UP and OUT I thought I was going to be stuck until someone discovered I was missing and came to investigate. The vision of my rescuers faces and laughter was motivation enough to MAKE me find a way up.
Posted by: Janice | March 11, 2008 at 08:59 AM
The man filed allegation against the actress in November 2006 and the appellate Tokyo High Court has acquitted her now. Did she develop her boobs in the mean time on the advice of her lawyer?
Posted by: CD | March 11, 2008 at 05:33 AM
I would have *eventually* thought to unlock the door if I needed to get in, so I'm kind of surprised the whole Japanese court couldn't think of that - do they have an unnatural view of women's mental ability being too low, or are they all that boobie-obsessed?
Makes ya' go Hmmmmmmm.
Then again, although my own accessories aren't that huge, if they'd seen some of my male co-workers squeeze their impressive beer-bellies through very small spaces to get at whatever they needed to work on, the woman would have been convicted.
I swear - men with 48 inch waists going through 12-inch holes should be a new Olympic event!
D. Mented
Posted by: D. Mented | March 09, 2008 at 03:15 PM
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Posted by: http://stafex.net | March 09, 2008 at 12:21 AM
"if the tit doesn’t fit, you must acquit."
I laughed out loud in my oh-so-silent office when I read this. And then had to change it into a laughing-cough. I dont think anyone bought it.
Posted by: Sheetal | March 08, 2008 at 11:45 PM
"if the tit doesn’t fit, you must acquit."
I laughed out loud in my oh-so-silent office when I read this. And then had to change it into a laughing-cough. I dont think anyone bought it.
Posted by: Sheetal | March 08, 2008 at 11:41 PM
You are right. It is the visual that one line of text puts into your head that makes a serious issue pretty funny for the readers. Pretty ingenious of you to notice that, really. Poor actress. Wonder why high ended forensics are still not a reality in Asia.
Stanley Lyndon,
Author, How to be Funny.
http://www.howtobefunny.net/
Posted by: Stanley | March 08, 2008 at 10:51 PM
You are right. It is the visual that one line of text puts into your head that makes a serious issue pretty funny for the readers. Pretty ingenious of you to notice that, really. Poor actress. Wonder why high ended forensics are still not a reality in Asia.
Stanley Lyndon,
Author, How to be Funny.
http://www.howtobefunny.net/
Posted by: Stanley | March 08, 2008 at 10:50 PM
Can I just say something about door knockers?
Posted by: Chris | March 07, 2008 at 06:18 PM
This guy is an idiot. I for one I am sure many guys would agree, that they would love for a hot pin-up model to break into their place. So what is he complaining about?
Posted by: Ken | March 07, 2008 at 10:35 AM
I think she would have made it if she took her top off. Can we have her try it that way?
Posted by: Marc | March 07, 2008 at 10:16 AM
Scott, you let slip some spammers in the comments. Are you getting old?
Posted by: Leahn | March 07, 2008 at 08:18 AM
Hahaha, that hole is huge, and yeah, a hole that big you can easily reach the locks on a door, pretty much regardless of where the locks are. The video of her going through the hole makes it obvious she'd be able to get in if she wanted.
When I was a kid I knew a guy who could slip through a 12" by 4" floor vent, he had a little trouble with his head/cheekbones but it looked impossible until you saw it happen, and then you were still like WTF? How did he fit.
Posted by: Dan K | March 07, 2008 at 07:47 AM
this goes to show that nothing satisfies men........ this guy had the pin-up model with huge boobs as girlfriend and he still was with another woman in his house........i wonder what size the other one had????
Posted by: himanshu | March 07, 2008 at 06:52 AM
funny.....how easy to get acquitted in court...i didn't murder him 'coz my boobs are too big ;)
Posted by: Keshav Bhatt | March 07, 2008 at 05:34 AM
But how do you unlock a door with your tits then?
Or am I missing the point here?
Posted by: be.bart | March 07, 2008 at 04:28 AM
come..and see
Posted by: sa | March 07, 2008 at 04:25 AM
I read this notice and imagine that scene as everyone who read it. It's realy very funny!
Posted by: Murdock | March 07, 2008 at 03:56 AM
This video will help you PICTURE it better :
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=XYSOHKIfM1s
Posted by: DrHyde | March 07, 2008 at 02:28 AM
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Posted by: gq12gq | March 07, 2008 at 02:09 AM
the Mobile Phone Base (Forum), we are a community of mobile phone users from around the world. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, ask and answer questions, communicate privately with other phone users (PMs), respond to polls, upload your own photos and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! www.MobilePhoneBase.com
Posted by: MobilePhoneBase | March 07, 2008 at 02:02 AM
Could not have happened in the US. Figure the judge, burying his face in his hands, crying "TMI, TMI!"
Posted by: Bertram | March 06, 2008 at 11:21 PM
Maybe it was his puppy dog that got in through the doggy door and did the damage.
Posted by: quantum_flux | March 06, 2008 at 11:07 PM
She actually a bikini pin-up model. And here's the video at the press conference. You can see her demonstrate getting stuck in door with her I cup breasts.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DFcFCw4EfGk
Posted by: adora | March 06, 2008 at 08:59 PM