Good News!!!

Over the weekend I learned that all of my current and future problems have been solved. For example, I was worried about the cost of energy, but scientists recently figured out how to make gasoline out of plants. Problem solved.

http://www.chemistrytimes.com/research/Money_Doesnt_Grow_on_Trees_But_Gasoline_Might.asp

With the energy problem solved, America will soon be able to leave the Middle East alone. Cheap domestic energy will heal our aching economy and end any reason for International terrorism. As a nifty side effect, this plant-to-gas technology has no carbon footprint. So say goodbye to global warming.

Still, I was worried I might someday die of natural causes. Apparently there was no need to worry, as I learned on 60 Minutes. A guy with some pie tins and hot dogs discovered a cure for every type of cancer. It will take a few years to perfect it, but I think I can hold on until then.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/10/60minutes/main4006951.shtml?source=RSSattr=Health_4006951

Cancer isn’t the only health problem I was worried about. I might need a new heart someday. As luck would have it, I will soon be able to grow a replacement in the lab.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/01/14/rat.heart.ap/index.html

You’re probably thinking you don’t want your body to live a long time if your mind isn’t going to be sharp. No problem. Scientists have an Alzeimers vaccine in the works.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=463811&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

The other potential problem of living a long time is that the planet will get filled up with too many a-holes. Luckily we are only twenty years away from the development of the first Mars colony. I am already packing my bags.

http://www.wired.com/science/space/news/2005/07/68311

With all of this good news, I am left with only one nagging concern. What if all the good news is either exaggerated or overly optimistic?

Nah.

Comments

[steve haigh]

hello, growing plants to produce gasoline = feed the cars, starve the people. it's happening right now, the amazon is becoming one big "green" oil field.

[jim]

[The other potential problem of living a long time is that the planet will get filled up with too many a-holes. Luckily we are only twenty years away from the development of the first Mars colony. I am already packing my bags.]

Whoa! Who's to say that we aren't shipping the a-holes off to Mars and keeping the non-aholes here? Ummm...never mind. This works out great either way...

[Xanthippa]

Will they have good hight speed internet connection on the Mars thing?

Because without that, it might be better to free up room on Earth by convincing a few cults to go there ... They don't need high speed link-up to do their important 'communicating'!

[Dave]

Personally I like the first one the best (green gasoline). It has the virtue of being complicated and I find that if things are complicated, they usually work

By example, instead of trying to improve our ability to harness the sun’s energy directly, we should harness it by planting a series of man made poplar forests. Then we let the trees spend several decades capturing the sun’s energy, harvest the trees, use a separate energy source to “melt” the trees, (tell people this extra heating step doesn’t really require energy because it is concurrently making electricity for our homes), burn the resulting liquid carbon based fuel which is only apparently ¼ as effective as gasoline, plant more trees, repeat.

[HannahsDad]

This is terrific news all round.

We should spare a thought for those hollow-eyed children at Kanzius' local cancer ward. I'm sure that the exciting prospect of 20 years of rip-roaring medical progress will help them through what must be a rather trying period in their lives.

[Real Live Girl]

It's not surprising. Once you guys figured out how to fix up your old, tired love-noodle, it seems like there was a noticeable burst of optimism, and desire to look at improving other quality of life issues.

So thanks Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis for giving flabby men with computers and/or microscopes a reason to live longer and better, and taking the rest of us along for the ride. If it's good for the wang, it's good for the planet!! LOL.

[dsg]

Hi Scott,

We've been down this road before, but you do raise an interesting question. Who would move to a colony on another planet? Given the option, would you really move to Mars? If I had had the money, I would offer relocating expenses for other people to move. Thin out earth's population and let someone else figure out why Mars needs women.

Besides, I hear the fishing on Mars isn't all that good,
dsg

[ND]

I'd be content if we could simply send all the a-holes to that Mars colony. Let's start with your President, shall we?

[jerry w.]

This will not end any reason for International terrorism, but it will reduce the funding for it.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/