Scotty’s Ashes

Did you hear that the cremated ashes of the actor who played Scotty on Star Trek are lost? Apparently the rocket carrying them into space ended up in some forest.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18594384/?GT1=9951

I know you probably had the same first thought I did: Frickin’ Romulans!

The rocket carrying Scotty’s ashes had other people’s ashes too. I imagine Scotty’s ashes complaining to the other ashes on the way down “Captain, we cannot escape gravity in this bucket of bolts! Divert energy from life support – we don’t need it!”

I also wonder if the people in charge of this mission are admitting their mistakes or trying to cover their ashes. Okay, I don’t really wonder that. I just wanted to write “cover their ashes.” And this:

Q. What do you call a crater left by a rocket full of cremated remains?

A. An ash hole.

Suppose the wreckage of the rocket is found, but the various containers of ashes are broken and mixed up. Do you think the people running this operation will fess up, or will they just scoop equal amounts of ashes in new containers and call it good? Because if that happens, there’s a non-zero chance that Scotty will spend eternity in space with some stranger’s scrotum on his forehead.

I’m sure the whole “ashes in space” idea sounded glamorous when Scotty decided to spend his kids’ inheritance on it. Total bummer.

Comments

[Jheurf]

Personally I hate any idea that removes mass from the Earth.

I'm the kind that sees slippery slopes everywhere. If this trend picks up, in a few thousand years, the Earth will have significantly lightened. It's orbit will deteriorate and then, as we get farther from the sun, Global Colding.

[Stentor]

They found, and recovered Scotty's Ashes:

http://209.34.241.11/cosmic_log/archive/2007/05/18/196359.aspx

[AngryLabRat]

Incredible! See my blog post on this topic at:
http://angrylabrat.blogspot.com/2007/05/scottys-ashes-are-lost-on-earth.html

[Albatross]

I like to pretend that the searchers will find Scotty's container intact, but empty of ashes. Meanwhile...

"...do you have the ashes, Spock?"

"Affirmative, Captain. I was able to establish a transporter lock just as the primitive rocket reached the apex of its flight."

"Bones?"

"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an undertaker!"

"Just add the solution, Bones!"

"It's working Jim!"

"Where... where am I?"

"Welcome aboard, Chief Engineer..."

[David]

Gosh, this sounds like a prime example of how DHL handles their packages.

[mr.capybara]

hey i jsut read the artical first off it was only a small sample of ashes and they only payed about $500 for it so i t wasnt his childrens inheritance

[Leora]

I have a bone to pick with you on this one. Scotty did not make an ash of himself, nor was he burned on the deal. It's true the company urns good money, but the profit potential remains to be seen. It's hard to believe this has sparked so much debate and turned into a hot topic. Surely it's time to let it rest in peace.

[Lady Macleod]

I am resonably certain Scotty's ashes were rejected as payback for the HORRID attempt at a Scottish accent. Fun to watch nonetheless.

[Patti]

My 2nd post (an after-thought which ocurred before my before-thought)
Actually, no one cleared the rocket-launch with the government first! I heard it was shot down by friendly fire! Yep, that's my story/belief and I am stickin' to it!
His family ought to sue the government!

....Patti

_________________________________

[Patti]

Yeah, bummer.
New song out... there'll be "Ashes from Heaven".. for you and meeeee. Sorry, Scotty.

Actually, they launched his whole body and Global warming..caused the burning and ashes. Bush's fault I am sure!

.....Patti

_______________________________________________

[Igor]

The ashes where not suposed to stay in orbit. The rocket launched successfully and got back by parachutes as planned. They just couldn't find it's payload after it got back.... bummer ;-)

[Dalebert]

Are people posting twice because the placement of that dotted line between their post and their name bothers them?

[Wolfger]

He didn't spend "his kids' inheritance", he spent his own damned money. Inheritance is whatever's leftover, that he didn't spend.

[niCk(MemBeth)]

Hey, when are we going to get some more thought experiments, the recent posts have been a bit vacant of brain buzzing material.

It's your blog, and it's free infotainment, so I really have no reason to complain. Your posts are always worthy of a read, but I do enjoy the posts that controvert and offend. Please,sir, may we have more of those type posts, that is if you can find time between your bible study and saving souls for the messiah man.

[DrV]

Jeez, these bad puns are getting out of hand.

[DrV]

Jeez, these bad puns are getting out of hand.

[Sabine Dinis Blochberger]

When the search party sets up camp, they could sing "row, ro, row your boat" as a tribute :)

And I thought ashes from creamtion are the bones, and that's why it's a small amount - soft tissue is totally destroyed by the high temperature.

[DrV]

Jeez, these bad puns are getting out of hand.

[James]

The title made me said. And then I realized it wasn't talking about my favorite cartoonists, so I became happy again! But then it sunk in that it was another important Scott and then I became sad once again. I need a beer!

[ginobarracuda]

The obvious answer is that they dressed Scotty in one of those Red Shirt uniforms when they cremated him.

Every fan of Star Trek [and even folks who aren't fans] knows what happens to the fellows wearing the red uniforms in TOS.

They ALWAYS have something really, really, bad happen to them.

[David]

Well, Hammertyme, approving does not mean reading.

[jerry w]

Good thing someone was willing to spend some money, with his (not a six pack, more like a kegger) body and looks, it's likely that this was the first time in years he had his ashes hauled.

Maybe it's worth trying to find the ashes before the "close cover before striking fly me to the moon" company does. Imagine what a Trekkie on eBay would pay for that bag of soot. If the bidding is good, it could more expensive to snort Snotty, oops, Scotty, than cocaine.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Brad K.]

I understood the ashes were to be jettisoned in low orbit, to burn up on re-entry. There is enough junk in space, I cannot think anyone would get permission to leave floating dead stuff out there.

And the cost to get the ashes and vehicle past earth's gravity attraction and into into the sun's pull would be a huge increase in power needed (acceleration), which would increase fuel needed at each stage of flight, and would be a huge increase on cost. Plus, you couldn't re-use the rocket.

Mr. Doohan enjoyed the attention his role as Scotty won him, but he would have also liked to have found work (his primary interest was as stage Shakespearean actor) during the 20 years between the TV series and the first Star Trek movie.

Depending on your beliefs, I suppose Doohan could have ridden the rocket with his ashes down into the bushes, in which case he might be a bit perturbed. Or, the life that was James Doohan, accomplished actor, sometime novelist, and beloved Star Trek crew member may have transcended what we know of life at the time of his passing, and neither knows nor cares about his ashes.

I like the Druid way, bury body or ashes at the foot of a sacred tree. If your God doesn't know you by the time they plant your body, getting the name and dates spelled right probably won't make a lot of difference later. Oops! I forgot -- the fundraisers at the *church* need to keep close records. My bad.

'Bye, Scotty.

[Hammertyme]

Comments are moderated, and will not appear on this weblog until the author has approved them
======================================================

This isnt true.

How else are we getting double posts and spam advertising?

[D. Mented]

Anything done with someone's ashes has infinitely more dignity than stuffing the whole body in one of those airtight drawers- in-a-wall and leaving them to liquify forever (or until some future time when they need the real estate for the living)..
..Except for one thing. Referring to cremated human remains as "cremains" is worse.
D. Mented

[TallDave]

Your comic today made me laugh so hard I spilled my beer.

You owe me $1.47 (it was a Sammy).

[accessbob]

So they have lost the landing party again.... I guess they will find Scotty but the two non-speaking extras are in trouble.

[Roni]

I thought the idea was for the rocket to jettison the ashes into space. What's the point of sending it up for a joy ride and then back to earth again just to sit in an urn on some old person's mantlepiece?? It's not like people scatter ashes into the sea and then collect it again.

[robb]

scott, you really need to expand your news sources. http://news.google.com is your friend... msnbc is evil. and not only because billy owns them!

[amish guy]

Okay, I was sitting here laughing so hard I had tears running out of my eyes (and i promise, it wasn't the wine) while my wife was on the phone. She got off and I told her she had to read this, it was hilarious. And did she find it funny? Noooo..... So what does that say about me? and no, I'm not going to share when the last time I got "lucky" was. But I've been married for 18 years and if you look at the averages, tho I'm a geek, you can surmise I have a wacky grin on my face!

[gr8hands]

Scott,

I was under the impression that the ashes were supposed to be jettisoned into orbit, not returned to earth -- so this would indicate a failure to achieve the objective. But perhaps I was not completely informed.

[John]

Interesting how people are complaining about your recent blogs entries. It's like your blog is a service from which people are expecting something. Maybe they are looking for some passive motivation to think a little deeper every day?

[Sam D]

Romulans... what about the Klingons?

[Ben]

People seem to think he paid for this himself - James Doohan the actor was more into antique steam locomotives as a hobby, not space flight. He didn't spend any of his own money on it and for all we know didn't know it was going to happen. Sure it was approved by his survivors, but it was a gesture to his legacy - this is a guy who played a character that, by one survey I read, inspired fully half the engineers in NASA to pursue their careers in the first place. That's a pretty impressive impact to leave behind, why not mark it with something symbolic? (even if it is kinda silly in some ways)

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Now this is a much funnier post than "I'm A Morning Person". Unfortunately, I'm still having sex with that BBW I picked up on craigslist. Somebody .. anybody ... help ... HELP!

[Justin]

It seems there's some misconception that Scotty's ashes weren't sent into space. They weren't supposed to be released in space, just sent there for a trip before returning to earth - where they touched down in an area that isn't so easy to find.

[Snowflake]

"Because if that happens, there’s a non-zero chance that Scotty will spend eternity in space with some stranger’s scrotum on his forehead."

At least this time it won't be George Takei's... :)

"Yes, but there's also a non-zero chance that Scotty will spend eternity in space with some strange woman's cooch pressed against his face."

At least this time... Oh, you get the idea.

So were the other people he went up with supposed to be expendable crewmembers? Maybe they made a mistake and placed Scotty in the red can this time.

[Bill]

Weird. JEB is right, the ashes were supposed to come back. Lord know's why. Why wouldn't you just shoot them into the sun or something? I think that would be way cooler than "Yeah, we shot grandpa's ashes up in a rocket that came back to earth". Woo hoo. I think "Grandpa got fired up in a rocket, and then, with the cremated bodies of 200 other people, was blasted into the sun! His ashes are raining all over the world!"

That would be way better.

bil

[Ashe]

LOL!!! Believe it or not I have friends that call me "Ashe-Hole" jokingly. That's friggin' hilarious!!!

[rgosal]

All that I have to day on the topic is . . . RIP James Doohan.

[Desi Cunin]

This is so depressing - a tragedy of this magnitude occurs, and you only score 35 comments?

I'm waiting for the ashes to show up on e-bay. :)

[Borg Warrior]

Not Romulans. Paklids.

[SG]

It costs only $495, so not quite his kids' inheritance.

[There are some who call me...]

No jokes about "Star Trek:The Search for Scott"?

The Search for Spock goes on:
http://www.physorg.com/news98034524.html

[Keith]

How does, "While all went well with the flight...." reconcile with Scotty's ashes being lost somewhere on Earth?

[rob kay]

This is way off topic, but there was a, well, interesting debate last night between known Christians and atheists. http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=3148940&page=1
What I'd love to hear is what people think about a couple of celebrities debating something that centuries worth of philosophers, scientists, and theologians haven't been able to conclude.

[Trik]

What's this about the Frickin Romulans putting a scrotum on Scottie's head? They are so low. I always hated them Fricken Romulans.

[~C]

travesty! "your ash is mine!" said the person who found the bounty along the "rough-and-tumble terrain". and then sell them on eBay.

~C

[Jesse]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the ashes were supposed to come back. They were only launched into sub-orbital space which means they would have to. Also, the article doesn't say anything about a mistake or the fact that they weren't.

[Question:]

Did you actually read the article you linked?

[Hoopty]

They didn't even send up _all_ of his ashes! Ya gotta read the whole article, man. Check out this quote:

"The UP Aerospace payload included *SAMPLES* of cremated remains from more than 200 people..."

So maybe it was only Scotty's little toe - or toenail! - that went up. Who knows?

Sounds like people spent a lot of money to send a teaspoon of their cremains on a SUB-orbital flight... how silly! Don't these people have anything better to do with their money?!?

Oh wait... they're dead.

So I guess the answer is "no".

Geez... dead people do the silliest things! :D

[Karl N]

I now expect to see at the end of each of your posts "If you laughed at this joke, I bet you didn't have sex in the past week."

Good job.

[RPK]

They should have just used the Transporter.

[Mr Polo]

Came across this great site for cheap designer original polo shirts Designer Polo Shirts

[Bromond]

Poor Scotty. Well, I suppose it is far better than circling Uranus searching for "Klingons". (Someone had to say it!)

[Jon]

I'm going to get in trouble for reading your blogs at work. I'm laughing my (ash) off, and getting cross looks...

[basselope]

From UP's website:
"UP Aerospace announces successful space flight."
http://www.upaerospace.com/

It would appear that the flight itself went as planned. The recovery might be a little more problematic than anticipated, but according to UP:
"All four recovery beacons continue to provide location information. The landing area is within the pre-established target location at White Sands Missile Range."

So, it wasn't totally screwed up... just half-ashed.

[Peter Payne]

In case you're ever wanting for a good toast at a wedding, I recommend the one my best man gave at my own wedding.

"To Peter and Chiharu, may they live long, and prosper."

[Ethan Zara]

I suppose it's the thought that counts . . . rest in peace Scotty.

-Ethan
Backpacking on Little Money
http://jacktraveler.blogspot.com/

[shaun]

"Just a minute, Exec, we're picking up the pieces down here." -- Scotty, Star Trek: The Motion Picture

"I know this ship like the back of my hand (bonk)." -- Scotty, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

[Jets]

Stop, stop! These ash puns are making me laugh so hard, I'm hallucinating that I already read them all in a recent comic strip.

[Trickypickle]

God! We're all.... such... nerds! Can you imagine a place where the population has LESS of a chance of reproducing?

[JEB]

where's the Genesis project when ya need it?
oh, well- what's the difference if they are lost on earth or found in space. nobody will see them either way!

[Dave]

There was no mistake. The ashes were not supposed to be left in space. The only problem they are having is recovering the payload cuz it landed in the bushes. Did you read the article you linked?

[niCk(mem beth)]

Oh No! Are you a trekkie?

Please, don't let it be so.

[niCk(mem beth)]

"An Ash Hole" ROTFLMAO

When I die I want everyone to honor me by putting some of my "cremains" on theie lips.

I'd have this sign made for the event:

- "Please kiss my ash".

Sorry, Scott, I couldn't help myself

[Beaker]

Actually, the ashes were ejected BEFORE the rocket went down. The jokes are still valid. "Ash hole"! I thought I was gonna drop my coffee mug!!!

This blog needs a warning. "Do not carry any object while reading this blog. Make sure that the path to the washroom is clear. If dizzyness occurs, place your head between your knees, take a picture and e-mail to ScottAdams@AOL.com immediately."

[Neal]

Yes, but there's also a non-zero chance that Scotty will spend eternity in space with some strange woman's cooch pressed against his face.

As one of the rarely laid guys you identified in your last post I have to admit this possibility intrigues me. After spending most of my life celibate I could spend all eternity buried to my eyes in snatch.

[CLB]

What a fate! The character of Scotty was often called on to operate/fix the transporter. He was known for keeping everyone else’s molecules together…

[Me, Myself and I]

"...Beam me up Captain... Spock??? I canna help you with this one, I'm DEAD!!!"

[EJ Smith]

What part is the bummer?
The part where he spent his kids' inheritance, or not getting in to space?

I vote the latter.
I am working on the former.

[sunflower]

Good One, Scott. We're huge Trek fans.

[romulan1]

hahahahahaha

[JoNa]

Laughed my ash off!

Lets just hope a cat doesn't find the mingled piles of ashes and decide it's a nice, soft place to dig a hole.

Scotty might have something more objectional than a scrotum on his forehead.

[Jodi]

At least Scotty didn't try the cryogenic option. He was a realist.

Perhaps in one of Scott's upcoming blogs, he will tell us what he thinks about other actors and their unusual afterlife requests. I think Shirley Maclaine will be a good one.

[hapbt]

I'm not going to abuse this chance at a first post by saying anything about George Takei and strangers' scrotums.

[Jay]

Haha. Ash hole. I love it. In fact I had already thought up that pun up in my head while reading the post, then you had to go and use my material! Isn't that stealing?

[Ice]

Oops. At least Scotty will boldly go where no Trekkie has gone before.

[^Mo^]

Seriously Scott, getting up at 3am isn't good for you

[Michael]

What a waste of money even if it had worked out as he wanted. With the amount of money that costed he could have fed some starving people and prevented other people from having to go through a funeral

[Bruce]

You have to appreciate the irony. Scotty was in constant struggle with his warp drives and impending destruction of the Enterprise. Strange how life mimics art...

[Real Live Girl]

Can't say I'm too bummed it didn't work out as planned. Reminded me people who empty their ashtrays while driving - except this time someone tried to do it in space. Friggin' litterbugs!

[Robert Jensen]

The ashes reached space, as defined as a certain altitude above the surface of the earth (an out of the sensible atmosphere) It didn't, and was never meant to, achieve orbit. James Doohan's ashes reached space. They didn't stay there. Weren't supposed to either. Sometimes you're funny Scott. Sometimes you're clueless. And then there are times like these when you're so clueless you're funny.

[Hrishi Mittal]

What a misleading title! I nearly jumped with excitement thinking Scott(y) Adams has died and is reporting from the other side about his new intergallactic comic series.

Total bummer.

http://huegarden.blogspot.com/

[Mary]

I think there's some confusion here. Doohan was on Star Trek, not Lost In Space.

[KnightRider]

There's an old joke about how to catch a bear.
Make a bonfire and let it burn out. Dig a hole and put the ashes in it. Spread peas around the perimeter of the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ashhole.

Scott - A lot of people yesterday thought you should have used the word "Affect" instead of "Effect". "Effect" was correct. I predict that those who don't know the difference have not had sex......ever......and are looking in their Klingon/English dictionary for a good insult upon reading this.

[CDriK]

these 2 very nice jokes made me smile, i hope i'm gona fuck next week !

[Steffen]

I think when your appearance in afterlife depends on the location of your ashes then most people (believing in an afterlife) will try to make sure in their will that their ashes need to be kept safe in a bank...

I rather suspect that even Scotty's ashes were to heavy for space flight...

[Deej]

Quality of your recent posts are really going down Scott..please get over perverse pleasures!!

[Deej]

Quality of your recent posts are really going down Scott..please get over perverse pleasures!!

[Tom]

Mocking the dead? You should be *ash*amed of yourself. 8P

[LA Clay]

Scott bet you can't tell the difference between your ash and a hjole in the ground.

Ashtronaut

Ashtromnomer

NASHA

Thankyou! I'll be here all week!

Ashta la vista baby!

[yougofirst]

Who says that they launched the ashes in the first place. For all we know the company is full of people who like to launch rockets and just tell people they are launching ashes into space. Who will ever be able to tell, its not like you can just go up to the orbiting burial ground and take a peek at the ashes.