Turd is the Word

Being a syndicated cartoonist isn’t as glamorous as people imagine. For example, the other day I spent about an hour trying to come up with a word as funny as turd. Ultimately, I failed.

It all started with a comic I drew with this third panel. (Click to enlarge.)

This comic has at least two problems. One is that it uses a word I can’t get published. The other is that the boss’s line is so perfect I can’t convince myself it is original. Did I read or hear that line someplace in the past? It sure sounds like something someone would have already said. Google came up empty, but it might be something that a colorful person from my past used to say.

Intuitively, I knew there was no other word in the universe that would be as funny as turd. Even other words that mean the same as turd would fall short, and be equally impossible to publish.

Eventually I came up with a replacement word, and that’s what will run in a month or so. It’s not nearly as funny as turd, but it was the best I could do. I wonder if you can top it. Let’s see.

I’ll give you a little wiggle room. There are two rules for your submission:

1. Keep the boss’s first words, “Sometimes the best you can do…”
2. Complete the sentence with a funny expression of utter futility.

If I like your suggestion better than my own, and it’s not filthy, I might use it. I’ll tell you mine tomorrow, so it doesn’t get in your head and make this harder today.

I know some of you are already thinking about “arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” That won’t be a winner.

Comments

[BlatherOn]

A little late, but regarding the source, there is a song on The Gourd's album "Blood of the Ram" called "Turd in my Pocket"

[Anne]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is complain about it.

-Anne
http://freecatlitter.weebly.com/

[Jon]

Sometimes the best you can do is stick your finger in another hole.

[Fitzy]

Sometimes the best that you can do is slip the turd into someone elses pocket, and hope the press doesn't notice.

[G. H. Diel]

Really? What is the difference between 'dreaming' and 'thinking'?

[Tony]

Sometimes the best you can do is make up a funny expression of utter futility.

[Frank Goodman]

"Sometimes it would be better to just move the..." keys to the executive washroom to the other pocket.

[TSB]

Sometimes the best you can do is move the *trud* to the other pocket. Hey, it works for Fcuk...

Also see: drut

[Andy]

"Sometimes the best you can do is push the rock back up the hill."

In reference to Sisyphus, from Greek legend a king of Corinth who was condemned to forever push a huge rock up a hill only for it to roll back down again.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus

[Patrick Sain]

Now that I see three comments and can get a better look, it looks like it might just be "me" that is looking at it wrong.

I've been reading everything "between the lines", as Poster, Time, then comment, but now I see that it is probably set up as Comment/ hard rule / Poster, time.

My apologies if I've been reading things wrong. Just didn't want anyone mixed around. No cookie for me.

[Bone Flasher]

So is that a turd in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

[Paul Lafferty aka - Bigsmak]

Sometimes the best you can do would be frowned upon if you got caught

[Patrick Sain]

Don't know how these comments are being checked and posted but so far both of my comments have been put under somebody else's name. Looks like you need to check the software or the checker.

In the event that this one gets swapped around too, This is Patrick Sain.

Be interesting to see if it comes out correct. Then again this could all be a reality joke.

[See if you can spot the pattern. -- Scott]

[Andrew]

Sometimes the best you can do is just try and go limp.

Sometimes the best you can do is to close your eyes and imagine it's sushi. (or other choice food)

[Big Big Fan]

Sometimes the best you can do.....is not do

[Patrick Sain]

Uhhhh, the comment attributed Daimyo no neko of Let the paper bag burn was mine, and the one atributed to me wasn't.

I don't know whose that was.

[Sammy]

Sometimes the best you can do is hide it in Wally's desk and hope you forget its there.

[cisco72]

Turd IS a funny word. My grandfather actually had a funny way of using it conversation. If he thought something you were eating was hearty, like say....a big steak or beef stew, he would say "That'll make a turd". It always cracked me up.

[BK]

Sounds like that joke about marketing "My job is to sugar coat the turds". Anyway how about "Some times the best you can do is the worst you can do"

[Dave]

Sometimes the best you can do:

is squeeze a little lemon in your hemlock tea.

[GH]

Flush twice.

[John Hewitt]

Sometimes the best you can do is move your used tissue to anothe rpocket.

[Neil Sampson]

Not sure if you had this, but how about..

Sometimes the best you can do is....

Clean the fan up afterwards

(as in sh!t hitting fans)

Neil

[Barf]

shake it down your pants....

[Kent]

sometimes all you can do is put it on a stick and call it a lollipop